Context: I’m a pretty big dude in terms of genetics. I have very wide shoulders, I’m 6 ft and I’ve had female friends tell me I have a build like a football player. (Ironic since I was a band nerd)
I have a reasonably deep voice when talking in public or just in conversation but…..
When I get sexually excited I make really feminine moans. Like I hear then coming out and I’m mortified but also I can’t stop them.
Due to a combination of almost loosing my scholarship and just never having the right timing I guess I just never got around to dating much the last few years.
But now that I’m trying to get back out there, I have this insane fear of sex. I’m afraid some girl is gonna inevitably find out and just be completely turned off and tell people I act… girly in the bedroom. Also not to get too into the weeds but I work in a profession where if that were to become common knowledge, I would loose a lot of respect in the workplace/would have a MUCH harder time doing my job.
It also doesn’t probably help that I somewhat recently found out I have a kink for this thing called “pegging” which only adds to this anxiety.
What do I do to overcome this? This fear of having myself outed as a girly boy. It’s ruined previous relationships where I just end up too afraid to really open up to girls. Frankly it’s left me somewhat intimidated by women in general and it’s really ruining my potential dating life.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Edit:
WOW this post blew up overnight. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement! I never expected a response like this! It does encourage me to hear just how many of you find a man who moans sexy even if it is rather high pitched.
Just to address some questions asked.
No its not just high in comparison to my normal voice. It is intrinsically higher pitched. I’m honestly surprised I have the range. More like a whimper at times if I’m being honest.
To those who messaged me suggesting I consider testing the waters in r/gonewildaudio …. we’ll see 👀
Also I’m not trying to box anyone into a group identity by saying for example “I don’t think women who like my genetic build would like my high moans”. Obviously there are many who don’t fit neatly into traditional sexual attaction defaults. And according to many of you, I may have significantly overestimated how many people fit into that mold as is.
Thank you all so much. I’m overwhelmed by the support and wish I could give each of you a hug rn. God Bless!
43 comments
Idk. I’ve dated guys who like you were tall, build and handsome and a bit in the thought looking side and usually a bit quiet. And if we were in bed and I could make it so that they made noise I always took it as a compliment.
Honestly there are a lot of women out there who are probably going to be turned on by this. Just be honest with any potential partners and I’m sure you’ll find someone who is crazy for this part of you.
I know I can speak for many women when I say that we wish men would moan more- I find it super sexy and shows us that your are really enjoying whatever is going on. You say you normally have a deep voice, so is there the possibility you only think your voice is high because of the vocal difference? Just curious! Either way, doesn’t matter to me, any moan is a good moan.
As a dominant woman, I find this really hot. Just fuck women who don’t buy into toxic masculinity.
Women love it when we moan
My husband does this and it’s great!!
I recommend you don’t hide this more feminine side of yourself from potential sexual partners, because someone out there specifically dominant woman are going to be very into you moaning high pitched I assure you.
Moaning isn’t feminine. A high register isn’t feminine. Reprogram your expectations, accept who you are, and look for women who are into what you putting out there. Life is too short to internalize shame for something that should be celebrated.
You sir, fit into a niche rather well. There can be a lot of power and cache in that. The shame is that the het world is very disorganized when it comes to helping people find each other via type, practice, and interest.
As a gay dude, I have sympathy on the work front…but it’s a bit limited. I have to come out all the fucking time, whenever I say “husband” or talk about my life, or meet new people, etc. So I get it man, it can suck, but you can get through it.
Edit: I have similarish build, I also understand the disconnect between the types who find you hot and what you want and dealing with insecurities regarding femininity. At the end of the day, you have to be good to yourself: that doesn’t mean conforming to make your life go more smoothly, it means being authentic and giving yourself a shot at happiness.
i’ll be honest, i think most women will find that very sexy lol. i don’t think i know a single girl who wouldn’t.
A man who moans is sexy to a lot of women, including myself, nobody wants to fuck a man who is unresponsive, trust me, what you’re doing is hot, you should keep doing it, if you’re comfortable with it, of course.
I was also kinda thinking the same thing. Like OP himself, I too am a big guy. So, it’s really OK to moan like a girl during sex?
Get comfy and go incognito on a site that will put you in a position of comfort where you can look for what you want and reach out to women who will not only be a confidant and participant about your desires but that you trust and are interested in. Just my suggestion. You’d be surprised how many of us ladies are all for that.
Bruh every girl I’ve been with wants me to make more sounds, don’t be afraid
I find whatever sound a man makes as very hot when he is zoned out in the mood. When I get videos of a man ejaculating and he mutes the sound I’m very disappointed. Im actually annoyed. Whatever noise you are making at what I am doing to you will never bother me! And if it bothers your girl, she’s probably one of those vanilla lame-o’s that don’t know what they are really missing in the world. Like the Karen who marries her first BF from high school who is actually a closeted gay guy. Ya know? She happy and he hasn’t even been happy
Consider the advice from other people, but also you might try moaning into the pillow if you’re being pegged. Or would you be willing to wear a gag? If your sexual partner is open enough to peg you, she should be okay with you wearing a gag, if you choose that. Regarding the anxiety, you might try EFT tapping. You can find many videos on different subjects on YouTube.
A lot of guys get higher pitched. As a fellow big dude, with broad shoulders, that likes getting pegged I can get really pitched when partners have been giving it to me. If you want to context switch I kind of take on a growling persona when I want to switch into a more dominant mode.
Find your confidence. There are lots of men who may feel or be someway or another “challenged” (i.e. height, weight, hair to much to little) What I mean is, for you this is your “challenge” but to many women you being confident will always trump that “challenge” I know it may sound like it’s impossible now but I know you can do it because millions of men and women have achieved it before you & I know many millions or billions more will be successful at being confident about any “challenges”.
I’m a BBW. It’s taken me years to be able to love myself not because I’m a BBW but where my weight or body it’s at the moment. If by my future I were to start getting serious & getting healthy I’d love myself the same. It’s not on ‘them’ to accept you but you to accept who you are and are meant to be.
I hope you’ll find peace in who you are and then joy!
I just read a thread where a girl got dumped by her boyfriend for having a kink of pegging her man.. this seems like perfect timing to me xD
Jokes aside, imagine a woman you’re having sex with doesn’t make a sound or seems completely unresponsive.. now imagine a woman making noise and responds (doesn’t even have to be good noise, as long as she responds to what you’re doing) which one is better to you?
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People LOVE response when having sex, it’s the best language -> be proud and enjoy yourself
Sounds hot, you’ll find someone.
Sorta timid woman here but god DAMN when a man moans like that I get wet. Just sayin. You good. I wish more men did that.
As long as what comes out of a dude is genuine and authentic to him, I’m all in. I love to hear that I am creating pleasure for the person I’m into.
It’s silence that is a huge turnoff.
Love yourself. 🙂
Honestly I love when men moan it’s a turn on for me 🤤 I could care less about pitch
The more vocal a man is, the harder the woman will go. Nothing hotter then a man moaning.
Maybe try a ballgag 🤷🏻♂️… But also, if you’re into pegging, I would think girly moans would be expected… There’s a reddit for exactly what you’re describing and the Dom loves the girly moans. Don’t play with coworkers…
Sir — the things I would do for my husband if he would make more noise in bed. It’s a huge turn on! Let’s us know we are doing something right
Sounds hot!
That sounds like some weird heteronormative thing. It’s nothing to get worried about. I had a cutie single me out particularly (and correctly) because I’m a queer lady and figured that between my age, orientation, and location, he could safely indulge his femboy side around me. Ngl I will probably never forget the hot noises he made in “girl mode” (his words). Men emoting is hot no matter the register.
I have never been turned off by the sound of my partner moaning, and I’ve had well into triple digits. You’re gonna be fine. Just be you.
Any noise is hotter than silence. And a shrill or high pitched moan would still drive me wild coming from a dude, especially if I knew he had just completely surrendered himself to pleasure.
For me this sounds great lol. My bf almost never moans. Although he said he loves our sex life, sometimes him being so quiet makes me anxious as I was insecure if he felt good during sex or not. It doesn’t matter how you sound, this is like communication to let your partner know things are going well
Moaning is sexy, both from man and women. It’s not feminine, it’s not masculine. It’s sexy.
It’s totally ok man, some women like mine, find it incredibly sexy and they absolutely love it.
I agree with a lot of the encouraging comments.
Always remember: EVERYONE HAS A “THING”/KINK — some just don’t know it or won’t admit it yet.
Pegging is totally something I’d like to try sometime too — I don’t usually admit that, but I realized one day that I’d like to try it.
Another thing: I’m a young woman and I’m pretty loud in bed… I used to be so self conscious about it too! I’m not like screaming-the-entire-session loud — I change it up, but truly the louder I am, the more sensation I feel vibrate throughout my body. Idky, but it helps me orgasm.
On that note, If you’re embarrassed about your moan, have you tried experimenting with other pitches/forms of moaning?
I used to not have as much variety, but now I have MULTIPLE different “moans”. Some send different feelings throughout my body than others, but overall, any sound feels good for me — annnd if I’m quiet, I’m likely NOT enjoying a damn thing.
Sometimes I hold the moans back by whispering dirty things into my partners ear — they love it…
&vice versa, I LOVE when men talk to me in bed.
Maybe you can try some low pitched “Mmmhhh’s/ Mmhh-hmm’s” too, since you said your talking voice is deeper — I love when men do that. Especially when they do it with the rhythm of the (slow) stroke. Lol
Personally, I’m not into my man sounding like me (I’ve only experienced that once before when I was much younger get and dumber, but he didn’t warn me… we were in an AirBnB with 7 of his college mates too. I know they heard him lol) — but again, I looooove a good talker.
I actually wish more men talked in bed.
This one young man I hooked up with years ago, was unforgettable!!! And thankfully we recorded ourselves one of the 3-nights… I still listen to it too!!!. 😅🫣 He moaned & talked nasty A LOT (although it was very deep pitched.)
Either way, women love the connection of sound/speech/touch/sensation altogether.
Plus, like others said above, there are plenty of women that would be fine with it! Maybe start with older women and just be honest…?
I ONLY suggest that because some women who are still exploring their own sexuality & interests might not respond in a way that encourages/boost your confidence to grow sexually yourself. 🙂
I began having sex with older men who loved my style of sexual banter, dirty talking and moans — that greatly improved my confidence & sexlife. 😁
You mean you moan like a person having an intense amount of pleasure. Not a damn thing wrong with that.
Toxic masculinity says you can never do anything that might be perceived as gay or feminine. Because that somehow makes you less of a man. I think the vulnerability of receiving pleasurable anal penetration requires more courage than most manly men have!
Everyone has the right to decide what they do and don’t want to do in bed. But sometimes fears and misconceptions around Pegging can get in the way of responding rather than reacting to those myths and assumptions.
For this reason I am a fan of having accurate information before the final decision is made. In that spirit, I recorded two podcasts; one for givers and one for receivers.
• Givers: https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2015/09/podcast-112-for-the-ladies/
• Receivers: https://peggingparadise.com/2019/12/podcast-253-for-the-gentlemen
These recordings address all the usual fears and misconceptions, offer accurate information and emphasize the relationship, not trying to convince. Hope it helps.
Im a virgin so idk if my opinion matters that much but i consider moaning and whimpering of any kind as a sign that you are doing a good job as a men or woman, it doesn’t matter how high or low your voice is as long as you are not faking it. Also moaning and whimperins, etc; IS NOT GIRLY; anyone does it and it is actually relieving when you do it because you are actually enjoying the moment, besides men doing it really turns on any woman.
EDIT: To end this comment i know it might affect somehow on your work and kinda feel what you’re scared. Im a 25 year old virgin, haven’t even kissed yet and no, im not religious. I live in Latinamerica so we make no big deals about anyones sexual life, I never had any problems with myself beign one until recently i got a visit from a younger cousin who came from the U.S. She was surprised im a virgin in most aspects, she kinda exagerated. Made me feel doubt about myself and i started caring about it and started affecting my studies and my life itself, i stopped caring about it because now i know what kind of life she is used to,still my studies are awful but that on me. But you shouldn’t care, the fact that you moan or anything and accept it is the best for you, in the end if someone asks you about it just tell them the truth happilly, they’ll notice how secure you are about yourself and if they mock you well…you now know what kind of people they are. If it helps i really like the fact that you admit your kink, makes me feel that you really know what you want and you like to explore new options in your sexual life 🙂
As long as you don’t do some hentai-level of moaning, I assure you your partners will find it super hot 😉 I would leave pegging for more stable relationships tho
Dont stress about it. Dont overthink it. Most partners want to hear all that verbal excitement. Just maybe express your feelings about it early so their surprise doesnt put you off in the moment. Truly. Being vocal is a turn on
I’ve always found this kind of thing really hot. A silent partner makes me feel like I’m not doing a good job.
I l o v e when men i have Sex with are vocal and i really don’t care what it sounds like. Its Just so hot to hear That your opposite enjoys 🔥
Try not to overthink it and own it. I love a guy who moans, it means I’m doing something right! Ialso am itching to do the pegging. We are out there!
Lots of great comments here, but I want to let you know that, having formerly worked in a call centre for a good portion of my life, you also don’t sound like what you think you do. So while you think you may be moaning at a higher pitch than normal, you won’t sound as bad as you think. If you’re enjoying yourself, just go with the flow, let it be natural!
One of my best friends, who’s been very athletic all his life and is a big guy, makes this high-pitched young-girl scream/giggle if you try to tickle him or he get’s excited about something. It’ doesn’t make him less anything, it just makes him more approachable.
Own your thing. If you present as very masculine already, having a pronounced feminine feature will just enhance it, not lessen it, especially if you learn how to play with it.
Keep in mind like every fucking day someone makes a post on here how they wish their boyfriend moaned more during sex.