and afterwards you begin to wonder if they were just being nice because they know you struggle socially and feel sorry for you

29 comments

  5. Yes and no.

    Love, for me, is connection, they are the same thing.

    So when you feel connected to something, you feel love.
    But there are many levels of love, many levels of connection, many levels of relationships.

    I like people who I feel connected to, but I don’t want to fuck everybody or whatever, though I used to. It’s an experience thing I think, you start to see where certain connections lead and such.

  6. I used to when I was younger, then I didn’t for a few years, now I’m back to those habits. It’s so bad. I think it’s because I’m struggling with my mental health again

  9. Yes, and I convince myself they like me… but they’re literally nice to anyone, not just me.

  10. I think having a larger positive social network helps to prevent this kind of accidental bonding. Easier said than done of course.

  11. Yep. I stayed with a piece of shit guy who treated me like I didnt matter and used me for sex because I was so attention and touch starved. There were pretty bad consequences for my actions afterwards. Dont do what I did, you’re worth so much more than you think. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open.

  13. There was a girl working as intern in our office she stayed only for two months but was really nice to me. A year later i still have crush on her

  14. Don’t worry, I receive lots of positive attention from people and still manage to develop new crushes on the weekly and suffer

  15. i have crushes easily but they go away easily too unless i form a longer connection

  17. Yup and it heavily distresses me. I know better. I know it’s not real and very illogical. It just shows what a lack of connection all our lives can do to the brain. If our needs aren’t met the brain will find a way to get those feelings

  19. I remember the faces and vivid memories of every person who was particularly nice to me, held my hand, or gazed into my eyes. Vividly locked into my memory and dreams. I still think about them now and generally hope they are doing great and are happy. It’s weird to still care about these people, but it’s impossible for me to just shut that off.

  20. I personally think when someone is nice to us, we retain that memory, for the purpose of feeling that same emotion when things aren’t so good in our lives.

    Admittedly, we also save the negative moments in our lives, for what purpose I don’t know, I’ve always been told never hold onto that which can bring you down, but I’m not very good at letting go.

  21. If they were an attractive age appropriate woman I might start thinking about the possibility they might ‘like’ me but if I wasn’t already attracted to them before this niceness I doubt I would have developed a crush on them.

    I know several people in my life were nice to me because they saw how quiet and disengaged in social norms I was. Almost guaranteed they saw how ‘weird’ I am, perhaps pitying me, but I think they also learned how good of a person I am and that carried them forward to continue being nice to me. Had I been an asshole they would not have kept being nice to me just because I struggled socially.

  22. Not to the point of a crush, no. I find it difficult these days to crush on someone I barely know. If anything I just look at the person in a more positive light.

  23. I don’t have this habit, but I’ve definitely noticed a lot of men have this tendency. I started doing COVID testing at a non-healthcare related company (previously I’ve always worked in clinics/healthcare settings), and as a healthcare worker I have tendencies like talking very gently and kindly, acting like I’m interested in what you’re saying, being patient, lending a listening ear, etc. Doesn’t matter what you look like or what your position is in the company. At first I was like, why are so many men at work asking me out (never had this issue at previous jobs at clinics)??? Then I realized that they’re not used to the level of nice that I am, and so they misinterpret my actions and think I’m interested in them. It’s really quite an uncomfortable thing because now I feel like I have to tone down my personality and act colder so that men don’t take me the wrong way.

  25. Oh god yeah all the time. It’s not a good thing for me. Any time a pretty girl is nice to me I practically fall in love and feel like an idiot

    But I’ve never really felt much of a real bond with anybody, romantic or otherwise. I guess my brain is desperate

  27. Yes, definitely. I get very little positive attention so whenever a girl is nice to me, I can’t help but feel like she might be interested in me, but I do nothing about it because in the end her being nice probably doesn’t mean anything and my low self-esteem doesn’t help either.

  28. I was like that in my teenaged years. Was sheltered hardcore for years, and then that lead me to bad relationships because I couldn’t differentiate real love vs physical funs.

  29. Yeah, this is Reddit, we’re all here desperately seeking the approval of strangers. Approval from a physical person? Fall in love instantly

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