I am (21f) and although I haven’t really had sex, I have always been a very sexual person, this is partly due to some sexual trauma I have experienced in the past but mostly because I feel confident in my body and I love to masturbate. I have been doing so for a really long time (sometimes watching porn and other times thinking about experiences with past partners)
About a year ago, I got into a relationship with someone (25m) who I fell in love with very deeply. We were together for 8 months and he was my first boyfriend. I was really excited about doing sexual activities with him and we did them a lottttt. And because I would be fully satisfied every time I never felt the desire or need to masturbate. And if I ever did, it would be on video call with him. Because of this, my sexuality sorta began to depend on him and I lost touch with my body, literally. It would be very difficult to make myself come and I only craved his touch. He pleasured me in ways I have never felt or seen before, not even in porn.
A few months ago, we broke up and my life changed drastically. I’ve had a few other really big changes happen and been going through some pretty rough times. As I’ve been trying to become me and become whole again, I’ve been trying to masturbate more. For the first month, I could not touch myself at all, if I did I would just feel sad and gross. After that month I did and right after I broke out crying really hard- this continued every time I masturbated for the next two months. Every. Time.
Now that the crying had stopped I have been noticing other changes- I can’t think about him while I masturbate, it’s just so devastating. And also- probably the worst one of all- I only last 30 seconds when I do. This is so frustrating and makes me really scared for when I have a future partner.
I want to know if anyone else is going through something similar and what you’re doing to cope. Thanks and sending positive energy to all of u✨✨✨💕💕💕
2 comments
Sounds like you put a lot sexual energy into the person. It’s okay to take time to get over him. Maybe just take a break from the masturbating. Perhaps try to turn your attention towards someone else that you do fancy. It sounds like you are still getting over him and that’s okay! Things take time. Learn that your body and pleasing yourself is something that you can do for yourself and that you can enjoy by yourself at least for the time being. Take back your punani worth that you placed into this person and begin to do it for YOURSELF. you got this 🙂
It does take time. And it seems like you are making some progress in the relative short time between then and now. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself.