Girlfriend keeps crying and I can’t handle it

28 comments

1. While it’s good to be supportive, it isn’t fair for your girlfriend to treat you like her therapist. I strongly recommend being honest with her that while you care about her, you’re not in a place where you can help her and she’d be better off speaking with a therapist. Your girlfriend needs to take responsibility for her mental health and be considerate of your situation.

2. Say there is a movie with a man studying hard for med school, he is being responsible and trying to keep up studying for exams. We see him clip after clip spend hours alone and studying, stressed and hopeful to achieve his dreams. Then enters his girlfriend, mentally unstable although a nice person. Her continuous behavior begins to cause our main character to start slipping on his exams. We see him become more and more frazzled with each clip from the stress. As he declines further her fits become increasingly intense.

   At a certain point we want that girlfriend to go away because she is getting in the way of main character’s success.

   She needs to be more understanding and respectful of your time while studying. If she cannot get this behavior in check I would take a break from her too until you don’t need to study so intensely.

3. What is she crying about?

4. If I were in your position I would be like let’s have minimal contact while im studying. If you’re relationship is strong it can survive one month without contact.

5. Sounds like shes manipulating you for attention brah

6. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.

7. Hey, when the pandemic hit my gf was doing this. Except we lived to together and every waking moment she was crying. There is some mental health stuff there. She could not describe to me in words what she was crying about and eventually I had to put my foot down and tell her that I couldn’t keep up with it. She had to find a way to deal with it. I suggested therapy. So she started therapy and turned out she has OCD. Which is not what everyone thinks it is. It is heavily filled with intrusive thoughts and can be extremely debilitating. She went to therapy and got on meds and is so much better. Now she cries at the normal stuff like movies and sappy moments. So she may not be manipulative. She could very well have something going on that she doesn’t know how to deal with. Help her get therapy so that she can deal with these issues. If she doesn’t want to then it may be time to move on or a serious talk about her having to change her behavior around you. Good luck.

8. Hello, former emotional dumpster and “family therapist” for my own dysfunctional family.

   You need to communicate to her that she needs to get professional help. I have a relative who is a medical student and that shit is ROUGH.

   Your girlfriend might be struggling and maybe can’t actualize that school is your number one priority right now, but **you** know what you need to do so you’ll have to take the action to lay down the boundaries.

   Does she has family? Friends? The suicide hotline? As someone who is also pretty mentally ill myself, she needs to also take the initiative on her healing.

   Even if you weren’t busy with school, it’s still not your responsibility to save her. She has to do that herself with the help of a medical professional.

   Be as caring as you can, but absolutely lay down that boundary and push her towards therapy and other healthy forms of healing or outlet.

   You can’t let yourself crash and burn too. Good luck OP. She may not take it well, but do what you have to.

9. Theres so much fucking wrong with this.

10. Turn your phone off. She needs to realize that you’re not always going to be able to accommodate her.

11. YOUR AT MEDS SCHOOL??
    omfghf bruh dude i feel so sad for you man goodluck!

12. Text her and tell her this. You need to let her know that there has to be emotional space for you too in the relationship. She may see you as her rock, but all rocks erode over time. It’s okay to ask your partner to be more supportive of you for a change. If she can’t or won’t do that, then it’s time to make some space in the relationship for now.

13. You have to tell her you do not have the emotional capacity to support her through this right now because of your own personal stress and issues. You’re not her therapist, you have your own limits. You need support as well, and you can’t always give and not take.

14. You aren’t her therapist. Would opt out of this relationship immediately. You deserve someone better.

15. Tried to date a girl like that… I called it quits quickly. If she can’t understand that you need love and support to, she ain’t it homie.

16. OP, there is a limit to what you as her partner are capable of handling.

    You have already passed that limit.

    You need to tell her ‘I’m in a bad place mentally and need to focus on myself right now, so I can focus on recovering my mental health. I love you, but I need to fix myself right now. I will be able to talk at X time (tell her when you will be able to chat, I highly suggest only two times a week), but outside of that, my phone will be off.’

    You need to focus on yourself and your exams, OP.

    I know it suck and it’s hard, but if she can’t pull it together for you for this month, than I don’t think she is the right partner for you. She needs to work on herself to be a good partner for anyone. Emotional dumping is very unhealthy. While we all should be able to turn for our partner for support, there is a difference between needing support and just dumping all our issues and spreading our venom.

17. Leaning on your partner doesnt equal treating them as a therapist. In fact, you’re supposed to lean on your partner and friends in time of need.

    But there is a balance. She should be asking you if you’re in a place to let her vent. She should be catering to her needs in a way beyond venting (like therapy, journaling, etc). Its possible you are not able to date rn and meet someone’s needs romantically, being so busy as you are, and there’s nothing wrong w prioritizing yourself.

18. This is too vague to give advice on. Why is she crying?

19. My ex-wife went through a depressive period when we were still married. I *never* want to have to deal with that again.

    As others have said, you need to focus on your studies and preparing for your exam, and you can’t do that effectively if you are the emotional dumpster for a depressive girlfriend. She has to find another outlet – family, therapist, or other people.

20. Beyond your situation with your girlfriend, I think it’s counterproductive that you’ve been insolated for weeks. Usually, those “marathons” of studying in complete isolation end up mentally exhausting you (burnout), which causes you to be less productive when studying.

    Take a day to hangout with your friends or your girlfriend, at least once every 10 ten days. Before you meet with them, tell them (via facecall, call or text) about your study situation and tell them that you need the hangout to be something fun and drama-free to recharge your batteries.

    Good luck king

21. Bro, “just” go to another fase of your life(without your gf), when one doesn’t want, two don’t fight.

22. I’m taking the cpa rn and my partner is bipolar. It’s just brutal when all I want to do is study and they’re having a moment. I really empathize with you my guy.

    A few things,

    Have you told her that her supporting you right now means giving you the time and space to study?

    Have you set aside a couple hours for quality time a day/week? Asking her to go basically no contact isn’t feasible for her either and you have to take study breaks. FaceTime one hour a night.

    Is she in therapy? Regardless of your busy schedule you can’t be a partner and a therapist, it sounds like she needs one asap. If she’s crying every day it sounds bad enough to need outpatient/inpatient even. Crying every single day is not normal behavior at all.

    Write a letter/ text/email clearly stating what you’re struggling with and what outcomes you want. Tell her you are absolutely burnt out and you’re taking the emotional burden in the relationship and you can’t do it anymore. You want to stay together, but you need support right now as well.

23. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Tell her, gently but firmly, that she needs professional help and that you’re in a bad place yourself due to medschool and you need to focus on it. If she keeps calling ignore her calls. You might lose the relationship but your future is more important and if she can’t accept your boundaries you shouldn’t be with her anyway.

24. I had to point my daughter towards professional help when she did this with me. We both struggle with mental illness (yay genetics/s/) and I couldn’t hand her issues along with my own. I am also a mental health professional and it was too much. Fortunately she got help and is doing wonderfully. She even checks in on me as I’ve been struggling lately.

25. You’re still young. Stressing about a relationship when you should be stressing about improving yourself is a mistake many make. Personally I would prioritize school and your career over a partner right now. As soon as you are finished with school and on your career path, that is the time to find a solid relationship. Dealing with both at the same time often ends up with you having to choose between one. I know it sounds harsh, but we often forget to take care of ourselves before we try to help others.

26. She’s your girlfriend. You don’t live with her. Call her parents and tell them what is going on.

27. Everyone is shitting on the girl but studying 8+ hours a day for weeks and not talking to anyone is your real problem

28. You don’t have the emotional\mental resources to be in this relationship in this fashion. You definitely need to tell her what your limits are and encourage her to find support from therapy and other people. If she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you after that, oh well, but your life cannot be spent as her on-call emotional support animal.