i’ve been with him for almost two years now. our relationship has been pretty positive recently. tonight he walked me to my car as he always does. he was really tired from work and decided to lay on the street for some reason. it was pretty cold but the asphalt was warm, and when i suggested we sit in my car and talk instead, he told me he wanted to look at the stars.
we sat there for a few minutes talking about random things when he said “i don’t even know why but i’m crying”. and sure enough i looked over and there were tears streaming down his face. for context, my boyfriend is very charismatic. he doesn’t show emotion much, isn’t even very romantic most of the time. he’s sarcastic and deflective (but we’ve made it work, it’s just his personality).
guys, i was terrified. i asked him what was wrong and he didn’t have an answer. he was just crying. on the street in front of my car. at 10pm. i kissed his forehead and told him i was here for anything he needed and told him it was completely okay to cry even if he didn’t have a reason but i am so scared that he’s going to push me away.
i know him. he’s scared of vulnerability like that.
and i’m so scared that i didn’t say or do the right things and he won’t feel comfortable opening up to me in the future.
what do i do?
26 comments
Your bf sounds just like mine.. mine also had some issues and is almost never vulnerable in front of me. But communication is definitely key here, and I think you did wonderful telling him you’ll be there for him and support him.
I was like you and I was horrified of what could happen to and spammed my bf with tons of messages asking what’s wrong and what can I do. But I learnt that only he can speak up and only he can ask for help.
The conclusion is that tell him you’re there for him but don’t push it. He’ll come to you if he wants the relationship to grow and keep going.
Good luckkkk 😊
Ages?
You dealt with it perfectly imo. You don’t need to “do” anything else.
I’ve been there. As a guy, you generally learn to hold your emotions inside. The one day you are sitting somewhere with the person you love, and its peacefull and relaxing and you realize you feel safe and loved. And then it just hits you like a freight train and the floodgates open. Its not even just one thing, its EVERYTHING you deal with, and the pressure just releases.
Basicly, you were there for him in the best way possible.
You handled it perfectly. From personal experience, you’ve progressed in the relationship as he’s being vulnerable with you now
You handled it like a true friend and SO. It means that he trusts you and he is comfortable enough with you to let go of the mask, and be vulnerable.
When you next see him or when you next text him, repeat what you said before about being there for him. Then just take a step back to give him some space.
A slice of chocolate cake to share wouldn’t hurt (unless he doesn’t like chocolate cake).
Ha. I had this issue. In my case it was like floodgates. My wife made me embrace my emotions and I’ve cried(happy or sad) more with her than any of the years previous combined. He’s already opening up, that means he’s comfortable with you. And as long as you allow him, he’s gonna continue to.
That’s honesty and transparency right there
Sounds like he trust you enough to be that vunerable. Id say thats a good thing. Just don’t constantly ask him whats wrong over and over. That may push him away. Just do what you did that night, comfort him and tell him your here to talk if you need anything. That was a perfect response. Just keep doing that and he may be more vulnerable and reach out more
I was married for 10 years before I cried in front of my wife. Crying is seen as weak. It could have been for nothing, just pent up tears that just came out.
I would say, from my perspective, he had opened up to you and it’s critical how you respond right now. Judgement-free zone with emotions, accept them, let him know he can be vulnerable, it’s ok.
I mean number one is don’t act like him crying scares the shit out of you
I’ve had girls leave me for opening up to them(apparently it’s a huge turn off), I think you said and did the perfect thing op. If he’s anything like me and hasn’t cried in a few years he’ll feel good from the endorphins. I think you made him feel loved and showed yourself to be someone he can open up to. If anything happens it would be unfair to blame yourself goodluck OP.
well done
> i am so scared that he’s going to push me away.
Probably the opposite since you handled it perfectly! After this, you are much closer
Don’t push him
He cried in front of you
Now is the time to act completely normal…because crying is completely normal
Don’t over compensate
Don’t hover or mother him
It happened. It’s no big deal. Don’t treat him differently at all
But don’t pretend it didn’t happen either. It’s a fine line you have to walk to let him know that it’s ok if he cries in front of you but also that you aren’t going to treat him differently or pretend it didn’t happen
And most importantly, don’t go talking to all your friends about this because the last thing a guy wants is all the people in his circle making fun of him for crying (and that will happen…both guys and girls do this because of the toxic way a lot of kids are raised with regards to guys showing vulnerability)
You seemed to do the right thing. It happens. Although I don’t really bottle stuff up I just started weeping one day in the kitchen. Sometimes life is just overwhelming
you handled it perfectly. just give him some space but dont let him isolate. he’ll open up
God, he sounds just like me.
Your kiss is more than enough, you showed him, that you care.
I think you handled it well. When people are feeling strong emotions like that I’ve found the most important thing is to just be there. Don’t press too much but offer support. Also don’t spread it around, it was a moment of vulnerability between the 2 of you. Keep it that way.
I think he’s just starting to feel very comfortable and happy with you, he isn’t used to that. It’s possible it will scare him and cause him to push you away but I suspect the opposite.
Edit I’m a dude, was almost three years until my girlfriend saw me cry. I was on acid.
Just relax. Your response was great and the only reason I’d pull back is if I got worried it was making you nervous. More importantly, though, I’d shut down if you told me you couldn’t see me the same way anymore since I cried, which has been the case with multiple breakups. That latter issue is what he’s likely really scared of, but it sounds like he’s working on opening up and you’re doing a great job already helping him out.
You missed the opportunity to tell him girls don’t like weak sauce and need a real man. Now you are stuck with a real relationship.
As a man who’s also slow to be comfortable with vulnerability with someone, I think you did great!
You let him express his vulnerability in a manner he found most comfortable and didn’t overstep any boundaries or press further.
I doubt he’d pull away and if he does it’ll probably for a different reason.
You did good
Yall in these comments don’t understand the constant weight guys get to not show emotion, how it’s not manly unacceptable only for sissys blah blah blah. These aren’t personality traits guys, these are results of emotional abuse and society spitting in the face of men’s mental and emotional health. Hug them kiss them encourage them to express themselves. Don’t be scared that’s ridiculous, love them and support them because I can guarantee they aren’t or haven’t or never did get it before.
He is weak. No real man cries. Leave him. He is soft.
I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Totally kidding. You unfortunately do read things like that when reading stories about men showing emotion.
Sometimes, and this goes for both people in a relationship, it is just better to lay beside someone and just be there. Don’t comfort them, don’t give advice. Just be there with them. They will let you know if they want to talk about it or need advice.
That said, nothing you did was anything other than you being a supportive partner. That is always above reproach imo. I was just providing an alternative you might try sometime if needed.
Listen to me.
It’s unlikely that he’d push you away but it does happen. As for how you handled, you handled it good. My advice is to not pressure him to open up about something in the future. I understand if you see him coming from work sad/pissed/tired. Don’t pressure him in any way to tell you what’s going on. He’ll do it himself if he feels like he can trust.
Also, you need to control your emotions when that stuff happens. It’s easy to fuck up once you stop thinking with your actual brains and start attacking him with “what happened, what’s wrong” in a confused tone.Comfort him first, then after he settles down, ask. I get it, the guy that usually avoids emotional stuff is now crying in front of you and you love him very dearly. But will it help him if you get scared also? No, no way. He’ll feel like he’s dragging you down also.
That doesn’t mean you should supress your emotions. You just need to control your fear in the moment.
Also don’t expect an answer; he may not be able to form a coherent response at the moment due to the emotions he’s being flooded with, or maybe he just doesn’t know.