Hello! I am a pretty attractive but a bit anti-social 22M gay guy.
I’ve used dating apps in the past 4 years for my dates and relationships. I spoke with over 2000 guys in this period and had 3 relationships.
The issue is that I got so tired of it because guys on this apps are either boring or they are only looking for sex. It because like a job to me, feels like I am talking with customers: same boring chat, not even trying to write again or whatever.
Anyone else was in a similar situation? How did it get better?
Tl;dr: talking with too many guys made me numb
14 comments
I know how it feels. I guess anyone who spend too many time talking to ramdon people, get tired at some point. I think it’s a natural reaction after broke expectations so it takes time to come back to normal. No need to worry 😀
Your question has the answer.
Dont use them.
Start a hobby and meet people, find a group on meetup and meet people.
Yeah it’s an unfortunate side effect of using dating apps
Honestly though you gotta see it from the perspective that there’s a lot of crap in this world you have to sift through before you find someone that is worth it, especially when you’re looking for a relationship caliber partner. I also think dating apps can help anti social people get more practice with socializing and learn how to be better on that end. I understand that feeling of numbness though because I remember I used to be a lot more light hearted and open with people I talked to at first on dating apps and now I’m much more cold and it seems people actually like that more
I found my ex-girlfriend on Bumble and hit it off like no other because of how much our interests were mutual. Build a family, get good paying jobs, tons of communication daily when we had time to respond to each other. I thought it was impossible to find someone like her. Out of the blue a few weeks ago, tells me that she’s just mentally exhausted from everything going on in her life and decided to end the relationship.
She told me all the horror stories from the apps she was on. Men only wanting sex, guys who barely respond with a few words and how I stood out among them with lengthy conversations and genuine interest in her. I don’t know how our side of the market is, but it’s not great with women either. Usually showing little interest and waiting on us to make slick one-liners. It’s all manipulative mind games and unrealistic expectations.
Not sure where I’m going with this but I’m not going on dating apps for quite a while now. I’m studying for cyber security certifications and realized how I wasn’t concentrating enough on that so now just working on my own studies.
When the dating apps pretty much become a mobile gaming app to me, its time to take a break from them. Turns into a grind. Uninstalling for a while helps a lot. That means you’ll come back to way more people to swipe through.
You’re talking to an absolute shit load of people. More than one per day. Way more than that, assuming you weren’t on the apps while you were in a relationship.
Maybe you should restrict yourself more. Stop talking to literally every person on the app. Only reach out to people you’re actually interested in. Spend time actually getting to know people. Preferably, outside of text chatting on the app. Go on dates.
It feels like a job to you because you’re treating it like a job. You don’t have to be a completionist when it comes to dating. You can’t possible really know the first thing about any of these people given how little time and attention you’re actually giving them. You said it yourself: talking with too many guys has made you numb. So stop. Stop talking to so many guys.
Honestly this post really sounds like you’re terrified of actually dating and making even the tiniest commitment to someone.
Coffee Meets Bagel solves the volume problem for you. It makes you focus.
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The only way I know how to deal is to take a break from the apps. It’s pride month so get to some mixers and parties!
I know it’s a crazy idea in this day and age, but you know you don’t HAVE to use dating apps right?
I get it, I’m an introvert too. But the apps were nothing but a drain on my energy, not worth it. Focus on socializing in the real world more 😉
I get where you’re coming from – I’ve just started using dating apps, and the first month or two was a whirlwind. I’ve seen people multiple times because I exhausted the dating pool in a week. Best advice I got: just use it less? Less swiping, more trying to conversate with anyone who fits your standards. I’ve been trying to do that. Can’t say it’s worked yet, but you don’t seem like you have many options.
I’d be numb too if I had to talk to two new people every single day and try to get things to work constantly.
Time for a break for yourself.
I use Grindr. It’s for casual hookups. I love meeting a guy immediately, walking into his place, finding a gh sheet, getting pleasured and walking out. Simple as that. Minimal investment.
That’s your problem. Total minimal investment. These people don’t have ANYTHING to lose from interacting with you whoever they wish. There is no loss on either parties end. To have a fullfilling relationship, both parties most be invested, AKA taking mutual risks that have repercussions socially, emotionally, or otherwise
It’s a feature in all OLD. You don’t meet these peoples friends, you’re not in their lives, you are nothing to them.
Address this and your issue will be resolved
Yeah, I feel this. I needed to take a break from them after a while. Come back when they feel interesting again! In the mean time, go out to events or take a class or get into a new hobby if you need a distraction. You might even meet someone doing that!