Would you date a guy who was nice and respectful, but didn’t really want to have sex?
I (24 M) consider myself straight, as every time I rub one out, I think about women.
However, a recent change of mind and philosophy makes me not really interested in having sex if I ever found myself in a relationship, as I find masturbation to be much more satisfying.
I don’t watch any porn. I get off to fantasies in my head.
Is a relationship sustainable with this mindset or is it a recipe for disaster?
I do plan on talking to a professional about this, but I also wanted to get the female perspective on this.
Edit: I forgot to mention that I am a virgin, so my mindset is based on everything that I’ve heard or read about sex.
30 comments
You should probably focus on dating women then who share similar philosophies to you.
You don’t have to answer this if you’re not comfortable, but do you identify as asexual?
There’s an entire Reddit sub for couples who don’t have sex
No. I don’t really understand why you prefer masturbation versus with your partner. If you didn’t find sex appealing or any type of physical intimacy appealing than I would think you’re asexual and there would be a dating pool for that, but to engage in self pleasure but not have sex with your partner seems odd. Maybe if your partner is asexual than masturbation wouldn’t be an issue
Are you interested in intimacy outside of sex? Like cuddling? Hugs? Kisses? Touch? Would you want a partner that you could mutually watch each other masterbate? What about being in a open or polyamorous relationship? That way her needs would be met elsewhere. Or maybe your not interested in actually having a partner but due to society norms, you feel like it’s something you’re to have to make your life complete.
First of all, I think you should have marked it NSFW, just as I think…
My position on dating is that I want to be desired and I want to have sex. It will make me feel really bad if a guy I like won’t want to touch me or have pleasure together. I would end the relationship after knowing that, if a guy does not even have any intention to change it.
But if you do not want to have sex it does not mean that you do not want any intimacy with your partner at all? For example, you enjoy fantacys about someone you like more than about someone else?
Also, another way of intimacy is to masturbate together. And it is possible by not even touching each other. But it is something more of a compromise.
No sex is a deal breaker for me. So, no I wouldn’t date a guy who wasn’t willing to be intimate..
You could just be asexual. You don’t have to put a label on it though but I think dating someone who’s asexual would probably be the best for you, since you know, they’d feel the same way about sex as you do.
No but maybe an asexual girl would be ok with that. Most people who feel sexual attraction want to actually have sex at least sometimes
How can you say you don’t like sex if you’ve never even tried it?!
For me personally, no, I love sex and wouldn’t want to live with less than I wanted
But everyone’s different and surely there’s others like you who share the same philosophy. Just be upfront and make people aware I guess
I need to know what philosophy you look at that put you off sex. This should be intriguing
Most women would want the intimacy to escalate. Sex is how women often produce that love hormone. You can have shallow relationships or friendships but they won’t be as fulfilling as one with intimacy. That said since you aren’t experienced, maybe you just don’t know what you’re missing? What is it that turns you off to the idea of sex? Germaphobic? Vulnerability? Being physically shy? All these things should be addressed with therapy or something.
You might be able to find a woman who is asexual, and uninterested in intercourse, but otherwise wants a romantic relationship.
For me personally, I wouldn’t be interested, as I find sex something important for the intimacy of my relationship, but that’s not the case for everyone.
It will likely be difficult for you to find a relationship, but it’s not impossible.
Looking at your posts, you seem to be focusing too much on sex, and possibly have an addiction to porn. Try doing some other things, get out and socialize and eventually you’ll meet someone that won’t really care about your situation.
You should probably have sex once before deciding you don’t want it
The answer is absolutely not, sorry. I’d never date someone who had no interest in sex. Ever. I enjoy it too much and it would make me feel undesirable if a guy didn’t want me and only wanted his hand.
Also I think it’s weird af. 🤷♀️
Absolutely not, sorry.
Sexual intimacy is what elevates a relationship from just being a strong friendship.
Also, this sounds more like you are scared of sex.
Ok but like actual sex or sexual activities? Because personally I like sex but I don’t absolutely need sex. Women typically get off from cl*t stimulation, not penetration.
I was in a relationship for 3 years and it was no sex, only sexual activities, and I was completely satisfied with that.
The issue is when the partners do not have matching libidos.
The lower person will feel pressured and guilty, and the higher person will feel unwanted and resentful.
So to answer your question, as long as we do sexual activities and have roughly matching libidos, personally I am ok if it isn’t full blown sex. Intimacy is a bonding activity. It makes a relationship a relationship for most, unless you are asexual of course.
i personally wouldn’t, but i think there are a lot of women that don’t care/are asexual. i will never understand why anyone would prefer masturbation over real sex…. with a real person. mayne you just haven’t ever dated anyone that you are super attracted to…
What you’re describing does sound like asexuality, and that’s fine, you just need to be clear about that up front. Sex is important for a lot of women.
No
No. I have a very high drive and need sex in my relationships. No sex = friends to me.
You say you are a virgin, maybe have sex a few times and see if you like it before deciding you don’t?
You’re not wrong. A date shouldn’t be based on sex.
I personally wouldn’t want to be with a partner who didn’t want/enjoy sex because that’s an important factor for me. But there are lots of people who think differently. Have you considered the possibility that you’re asexual or somewhere on the queer spectrum?
No
Could you be A sexual?
It’s real
And it’s okay
How can you find masturbation more satisfying if you’ve never had sex? You have nothing to compare it to
You could just be asexual and that’s fine. You just gotta find someone who’s on the same page as you.
Yes, absolutely! I am asexual, and I only date men who aren’t interested in sex. There is a pool of women who are looking for exactly the type of relationship you are describing.
I recommend checking if your city has a community or meetups for aces!
Absolutely not. The whole point of dating someone for me is to have sex lol