friendship on pause, trying to break my own cycle.

Hey everyone,

Me (27 F) and my friend (24 female) friend put a pause on our friendship. There has been alot of issues between us and they didn’t seem to get better. I’ll list the issues so you can get a better view of this friendship:

– She used to come to me with all her problems, which is fine but it became overwhelming. I had do keep setting  boundries with her which became exhausting. Allso I didnt feel like she was interested in me (more in the idea of me) or supportive with stuff going on in my own life.
– She is quiet socially awkward which is fine, but whenever I invite her to come hangout with me and my friends she is quiet standoffish and my friends allways ask if she even liked them. I tried comunicating with her that the way she comes off isn’t always very welcoming but she isn’t willing to work on it even though she complains about being lonely.
– She confessed she has some kind of crush on me. I dont reciprocate the feeling but a few months ago she allso had a crush on one of my friends so she seems to be liking people who are generally just nice towards her. This isn’t the bad part though because next is the thing that is kind of the main problem
– she told me that she had a full blown obsession with me, she thinks about me the whole day, wants to know every detail of what I am doing. Which is super suffocating and it is worse because she now allso lives where I live. She can hear me when I am in my room.
– because of this obsession she has allso been super controlling and jelouse. Whenever I hang out with other people she starts being passive aggressive and she wants to take control by questioning every small thing I do.
– overall she has put me on a pedestal, In her point of view I am a perfect being, she doesn’t  see me as a person. She has super high expectations for me which is super unhealthy. I cannot make any mistakes or else she gets angry and resentful towards me.

So as you guys can see this is quiet a toxic dynamic. I am super relieved we have a pause on the friendship  and I even think I just want to end it here. I’ve been trying to be a good friend but it has been exhausting to say the least. The issue doesnt stop here. She is not only a friend but also my roommate and she as of 2 weeks ago became my superior at work. I had a full mental breakdown in front of my other superior at work about the situation and it triggered alot of trauma for me which led me to the following. I will be back in therapy to confront my people pleasing issues and the company I work for is even willing to pay for my therapy which is lovely. My boss which is allso her boss knows of the situation and he has been super supportive  with me but I just feel so ashamed it has come to this point. (He told me by the way It will not affect her in any way by knowing of the issue which is a relieve to me because i dont want it to be a huge drama).

I want to cut all ties with her so I can start to heal and process everything but it will be hard because she is still my superior at work. I want to stay at the place I am now because I love working there and I like my collegues.

This whole dynamic has been kind of a theme in my life where I let people get too close to me. I get sucked dry and I am back in therapy again. It’s my own fault for letting it get this far and I really want to change this but I am allso just really sad about it because I just want a genuine connection and it feels like I can’t have it.
Thanks for coming all this way reading it I appreciate it alot!