I(M 25) have never really cared about my looks much, i have always thought i am an average looking guy and i am very ok with it. The other day i was texting a girl and she asked for my picture, she blocked me after i sent it. It goes without saying that kinda crushed me, so how do i get over this feeling?
Edit: maybe i worded things in a way that gave the wrong idea, me not caring about my looks doesn’t mean i don’t put effort or anything. I do exercise and keep my hair trimmed and clean looking, i try to dress well. By not caring i meant i don’t link it to myself worth(i am not a good looking guy and that’s ok by me)
Update: well i did not expect this to get as many replies, it would take me time to reply to everyone so i will do a summary here.
Firstly thank you everyone for the kindness and advice.
I think the biggest common view point is work on gaining confidence, i indeed lack confidence i will try to work on it.
Also i do agree it shouldn’t affect me as much as it did, but something about the context hit me.
38 comments
Get rich
Maybe you should start caring about your looks. Everything I do to my body is in an effort to look my best, including addressing my flaws. I have bad hair so I shave my head. I have a skin disease on my face and use medicated shampoo to wash it. I make sure that I exercise just a little to look more fit than the dudes who don’t. I like to think that the ladies notice these things, so that when they see me, at the very least it’s recognized that I do care and am trying to look my best.
You don’t care about looks, but feel undesirable. I hate to break it to you, but these two are deeply intertwined.
Dress better and hit the gym. Ignore all the women who say looks don’t matter, they are lying to you. They’re pressing that narrative so that unattractive women can shame men for rejecting them based on their appearance, not so that they can be accepting of unattractive men
Take some time (put effort into your looks). Shower, shave, moisterise the face, brush teeth, etc…
Then get out there and get the girl.
Hmm it’s a tough one buddy.
Worth keeping this in mind, the demographic of women you are probably in contact with are in the 20-25 range. Younger women have very high standards (as do young men). I am 27 now, and I find women in their late 20s/early 30s are much more open in general.
I am undesirable, I have a lot of loose skin from major weight loss so my body is all fucked up. I like my face and I look like I am ripped under my clothes (I am a gym rat) but ultimately, any girl is insta-turned off as soon as they see my broken body haha
Had this problem for almost 10 years now so I am just used to it. I don’t date anymore. I deal with it by focusing on my work and my business… a lot. And enjoying my hobbies, spending time learn more about what matters to me.
Ultimately, it’s understanding that my life is bigger than just attracting women.
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When you get blocked atleast 10 times from different girls then you can be more sure that you maybe are not the most handsome man in the world, otherwise especially with girls on internet, they tend to use faceapps and other photoshop apps to make them look beautiful, so if you send them your real photo without much retouching with the help of app, they would still think that you photoshopped that photo and that to look average in their head they think that you are likely 1/10 looking guy and with apps you became 5/10 guy.
Reddit moment.
For Real though shower and teeth important ,work out to build self confidence, if you can’t grow beard just don’t do it shave it off clean and smooth , hair is Important get the cut you can easy mantain and look good in, try getting some good looking weardrobe that you yourself like. there are lot of woman out there
Find a girl who likes you for you.
>>It goes without saying that kinda crushed me
That is a confidence issue, it has nothing to do with desire. Think about it, you got all worried after some random shmuck (it was on dating app, right? You can’t even confirm if it was a girl) blocked you after seeing your picture.
Regardless, forget it and move on, don’t think too much about what other people are dragging in their heads. Focus on being self sustained and happy outside of what others think.
Well, I drink. I don’t recommend that.
Most you can do is dress well and do interesting things. Growing a beard helps some people.
I would stay aware from online dating, it’s highly superficial.
Ghosting says nothing about the person who got ghosted, only about the ghoster. Don’t take it to heart if it happens. Forget her, move on and next time be prepared to get ghosted because it will happen many more times because ghosting is the new standard.
Regarding the main question: As a man you’re not desired (by women) for your looks anyway but for what you provide – financial security, status and other resources. Therefore it makes no sense to focus on looks. It doesn’t matter if you look like an Adonis or like an abomination.
Stop looking for the approval of others.
On a serious note, no matter who you are, you’ll never please every woman, some will find you attractive, some won’t its just the way it is.
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Sometimes you see someone with a partner and think what? Him?/Her? really? you can do better, its just what they find attractive and my opinion will be different to theirs.
She rejected you, it happens however another girl will think you are an absolute steal and think you’re very attractive. It could be a beard, clean shaven, the fact you’re a cat lover, the colour of your hair it could be anything that makes a woman think daym he’s hot.
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If you’re longing for a woman, don’t rush it, as you’ll seem desperate, keep doing your thing, do what you enjoy, hit the dating apps, meet new people (Don’t meet them at a bar or nightclub as that just sets bad standards) you’ll find someone eventually, there’s literally someone for everyone.
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If you have confident issues, I’d suggest hitting the gym, getting physically fit, healthy it’ll help boost your confidence, but do whatever makes you happy thats the most important thing.
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Edit: The reason I’ve said the above is because I had similar issues when I was in my early 20s. I hit the gym, got toned, built quite abit of muscle, grew a beard, gained some confidence and some women seemed to love it. So just sharing my experience, whatever happens, I wish you luck in the future brother.
If you are at all inclined to swing the other way, I find bi or gay men are amazing for this.
I have never been told I’m attractive as much as by other men. I can’t even compare lol.
I think I’ve had maybe 5 compliments from women in my life and gay men are showering me with compliments lol
If you are open to it, it is definitely a confidence boost
I’m a woman but just giving my two pennies for what it’s worth… you dodge a bullet. 🙂
5’7 here. Not rich. Quite broke.
Take this from me.
Get
In
SHAPE
Like seriously. It evens the playing field.
Just go on and live your best life.
So this is not easily answered.
As guys we are very visually driven. We attach a great deal of importance to looks and very often we don’t understand that it is actually confidence that determines attractiveness for most women.
If you think of yourself as unattractive then you will come across as such, both in person and in photos etc.
Case in point – Pete Davidson is not pretty by any means but he has confidence that shines through in every photo of him. He may be confident because he knows he’s funny but that’s what he uses for confidence, not his looks.
Other people in this thread have mentioned money (be rich!) If you are lucky enough to be minted then you can draw confidence from that. Rich people draw an immense sense of self worth from their bank balance. Nobody feels as tall as the guy standing on a full wallet!
The point is, if you don’t think of yourself as attractive then nobody else will. If you don’t have confidence in your looks then find something inside yourself that you are confident about and use that as a basis.
Sense of humour, friendly nature, pleasant demeanour, positive outlook on life etc… whatever you have going. If you don’t have anything then you need to start working on something now.
I don’t
Some women knows they can’t keep Chad, but 1 night with him is worth more than a lifetime of a happy family with a hardworking good man like you, who may later be chosen by her to rise their bastards (hopefully you respect yourself and say No). It’s brutal.
There are many good women, but the bad ones spoil the pool. Just be happy that most of those cruel ladies will die alone eaten by their cats after a xanax overdose.
**The trees in the Geodesic dome experiment were healthy but weak. Why? Because no wind, no struggle, no stress.** Be glad this struggle if being undesired will make you stronger.
Has this been a regular occurrence in your past?
OP you totally dodged a bullet. You’re basically 25 and at the start of your career. Get your career in order, live below your means, and work towards financial independence first. Take your time getting to know people around you and learn to be a good person in society. Eventually, friends that know your tastes and lifestyle would be able to help sort the chaff and send friendly, capable, and kind individuals your way. It’s rough going though all the chaff alone. People that heavily focus on looks might miss the whole picture entirely. Look for people with more substance. Money is incredibly useful because money can help you solve problems that require time. Want to go on a date instead of cleaning the house on the weekend? Pay somebody to do that and go on a hike with your SO. The easiest way to show that you care is to spend quality time with somebody. The easiest way to do that is to live below means and save a bunch of money so you can free up your time when you need it.
I’d say to find a way to feel good about your appearance and to enjoy putting work into it.
Do you have a style of clothes that you like wearing? Try buying more from the designer and make it your usual outfit rotation. You can even upscale it by finding clothes that are similar to what other guys are wearing usually.
I experienced this a while back. But you know what I did, I went for another chick who got my dick sloppy and wet.
All I’m saying with today’s sexual culture you just have to carry your L and move on and a girl not viewing you as desirable should be the least of your concerns
Stop seeking validation from the opposite sex or others. This will help you overcome the feeling of being undesired.
Man, here’s the deal: I’m at an age where a number of people in my social circle are getting divorced. These are post three-kids moms with stretch marks and sagging tits and dad types who have gone full Dad Mode (gut, socks with sandals, etc). So, these are NOT always fine-looking specimens. Almost invariably, they announce their new love on Facebook within a few months.
I know this is the typical “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” talk, but it really is real. There are a lot people who you think would or could find someone else who is attracted to them…and yet, they do.
As with some of the advice given, change the stuff you can change. You don’t need to invest heavily into a new wardrobe, but go over to r/malefashionadvice and have a gander at some of their advice on proper fit. You can get a ton of mileage out of the Basic Bastard wardrobe. What about your haircut and style? Beard or no? Need to drop a couple of pounds?
The other thing is that many people only half-heartedly try to date. You go on a few friends of friends double dates, try Tinder a couple of times, etc., and you kind of quit before you even start. You have to cast a bigger, wider net. Some of it could come from online dating, some of it single friends but also are you trying new situations? Gyms that have group classes are often good because they often create a kind of community (as opposed to trying to strike up a conversation at a regular gym), taking a cooking class or any kind of meet-up for a hobby might be the thing that creates that chance meeting.
You just accept it man until you find that one woman that will find you to be okay enough. If you’re not a straight chad in todays society then no luck. Just workout bro become a Chad
Hard to wrap you head around it when turned down so much, but overall don’t forget you aren’t looking for 99 out of those 100 girls. You are looking for that special one that will compliment your weaknesses with her strengths over time. Until that happens, consider how you are to be 75% of the person you want to be, and you want to get to at least 90% to impress the girl that’s gonna be with you the rest of your life. Get started brother 👍
Denial hurts. It is understand able that you were hurt by that. But it is apart of growth.
Keep going man, I’m sure things will work out
My friend, if Adam Driver can make women drop what they are doing and immediately start rubbing their muffs, then you can too. Seriously, the guy is practically a sex symbol. Just gotta carry yourself in a way that makes you feel good. Fitness helps of course, as many others have said. All you need is a pull up bar and maybe a set of ten pounders. You can get in great shape all from home. Wishing you luck, sir.
She did you a favor thats really shitty behavior she couldv been more chill if she had no interest , but as ppl said just lift men it helps , you look better and gets more confident
There could be many reasons why she blocked you. Maybe you remind her of an ex, she hates your hair colour, or she thought you’d have face tattoos but you don’t. Maybe her boyfriend found the texts and blocked you
In the worst case scenario, she’s just a b*tch and you dodged a bullet by not investing any more of your time into someone like that.
What a fucking rude girl.
At least she didn’t waste your time. Do not let her change the way you view ur self. Keep grinding.
Become desireable. Go to gym and get in shape, get a good haircut that compliments your face shape, grow a beard/designer stubble if you can, read philosophy, become more educated, get a better job, learn some basic style.
These are all things that will make you more attractive to the average female.
Also bear in mind you’re pretty much at the lowest sexual market value youll have until you hit 60. The women you’re dealing with are in their peak. Wait till 30-35. You’ll be laughing.
Find a girl who doesn’t care about the way you look, if she cares that much about the way you look she’s a cunt
Start taking care of yourself. Eat right, work out, get your hair cut, cut your fingernails, get clothes that fit. Nobody is attracted to people who don’t take care of themselves.
I just accepted it after a while. No one wants me, no one craves me, it is what it is. Gotta do things that make *you* happy first and foremost, life is too short to be worrying about what others think of you