Fellow Americans, when you send your kid to another house for a play date, do you ask the parents if they have weapons in the house? If so, do you ask how they are secured? On the other hand, would you be offended if asked?

30 comments

1. When my kid were young I never asked or cared about that. The risk was negligible. Kids playing near streets or water is a much higher risk, but still one we often accept, with some mitigation.

2. I’ve never asked. I would not be offended if asked. Our firearms are all secured in locked safes.

3. It sounds like paranoia to be honest. Are they also going to ask if medications are secured in a locked cabinet? Are there any dangerous chemicals within a child’s reach under the sink? Why not just ask to come in do a safety sweep before you drop the kid off?

4. Yeah, my partner loves firearms, we live in an extremely pro-gun state. I would not be offended at all if someone asked us this, and I would happily show them the measures we’ve taken to secure his collection.

5. My parent never asked if my friends families had any weapons. I wouldn’t be offended if a parent asked me but I wouldn’t say it’s a normal thing to inquire about.

6. I’ve never asked. I know for a fact my neighbor across the street has a lot of them. He loves going shooting and I might take him up on his offer to take me one day because I’ve never gone. He has two kids and my kids are over there playing on his trampoline all the time. I’m not scared of him lol.

   I wouldn’t be offended if asked either.

7. I’m of two minds. I think it depends on how well I know the person. If it is a relative stranger I think that is a pretty fine question to ask. If it is someone I know well I would maybe be mildly offended that they thought I would just leave guns around will nilly when children are around. Also worth mentioning that there are many things much more likely to befall a child than getting into a loaded gun. So unless they were asking if we had a pool and if it was secure, if we had all our pills and cleaning supplies locked up, and our knives were all out of reach, it would sort of betray they are overly concerned about this one thing due to media reporting.

   That is with regard to them being secured. If someone asked me just blanket if I had guns as like a maybe they don’t want their kid in someone’s house if that person owns a gun I would think that person was kind of a bubble-dwelling soy. Not really offended though.

8. No…but it depends on the person. If my kid was gonna hang out with a kid who’s dad was the kind of guy that has an NRA sticker on his truck and never goes anywhere without his concealed carry weapon I would probably ask what security he takes. None of my son’s friend’s parents are those types though…not through prejudice, we just don’t know anyone that’s a stereotypical “gun nut.”

   So, if I was gonna ask I’d probably say something like “Hey, Tim is going over there this weekend. I got no problem with guns, but we don’t have any and you know how boys are with shit they want to get into. Do you have a gun safe that you secure your weapons in?”

   I’d be surprised if anyone was offended. And if they were offended by the very simple suggestion of “Keep my 7 year old away from your gun,” my kid doesn’t need to go back there.

9. Have yet to send my kid to another non-family house without me. He’s only 4.

   That said, I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me. Anyone who does get offended is probably someone who doesn’t take firearm safety seriously. I would consider that a bit of a red flag

10. My family owns some and so do lots of other families in my area. When I was younger my dad gave me the gun talk quite a few times, either before going to friends houses or before friends coming over: Leave if someone brings a gun out, go tell an adult if you see one unsecured, don’t bring one out without permission (I didn’t have the safe combination anyways so it’d be impossible), and assume every gun is loaded.

    Best thing you can do is teach your own kids what to do in one of these scenarios and hope that other parents do the same. It’s also illegal to ~not~ have guns secured if anyone living in the household is under 18, though kids can of course get past a plastic trigger lock if determined enough.

    I’ve only ever been around an unsecured gun once and it was from a friend who didn’t come from a gun family. He pointed his (unloaded, I checked before) shotgun at my face. I freaked out and he tried to play it down as “No big deal.” We were 22 and he should’ve known better. We don’t talk anymore.

11. I would not be offended. My 8th grade “boyfriend” was killed when he skipped school and hung out at a friend’s house. Another friend accidentally shot him when they were looking at their gun collection. The kid thought he knew what he was doing (I shot with him at the sportsman’s club) but kids are dumb and not careful.

12. My mother used to ask when I was very young

13. When I was a kid, we had unsecured guns in our house, so I can’t imagine my parents would care if my friends’ parents had guns.

14. Homicide and Suicide make up 30% of child deaths 5-14, most of which using a firearm. The leading category is accidental death at 35%, some of which also include firearms. Firearm safety is a real topic to discuss with children, as is not getting involved with bad people even if they think they’re friends, and if they’re feeling alone and depressed to reach out and talk about it. We gotta do better at giving kids support. Schools are failing our children because they can’t get the funding they need. Parents are failing their children because they weren’t taught how to be good parents or they’re having to work so much that they don’t have time to be a parent

    I would not be offended if a parent asked me about my firearm safety. That’s a part of owning firearms. I don’t have kids, but if I didn’t trust a kid’s parents to take proper safety precautions of their firearms, my kid would not be going over to their house.

15. Parents check out each other’s houses first

16. I’ve been asked. I showed them the safe I have and that it’s secure. No offense at all, this is their kid after all.

17. I wouldn’t ask, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me. All parents are different and they’re going to have different concerns. I recognize that and it’d be a simple question to answer since all my guns are properly secured.

    I’m not overly worried about guns though since I would assume a vast majority of firearm-related deaths and injuries to kids are suicides. If you monitor your kid’s mental health, get them help if they need it, and don’t stigmatize mental illness they will be far less likely to commit suicide. Sure, sometimes nothing you do can help or prevent it, but I’d rather take all the steps possible to reduce the risk of them even needing to seek out a firearm for that reason.

    I’m also teaching my son now that guns aren’t toys, they’re tools that need to be treated with respect and care. He doesn’t even have any toy guns because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about them.

18. I don’t have kids myself so take that with a grain of salt.

    Growing up, my parents never asked. I grew up in Appalachia so that might have something to do with it. Kids were taught from a very young age to treat guns safely and with the respect (of what they can do, not some weird religious gun worshiping type thing) they deserve.

    If a kid where I grew up saw a gun in a friends house they 100% would have known better than to play with it.

    If I had kids, I don’t think I would ask. Mainly for the reasons above. Also because I doubt the kid would be hanging out with parents I didn’t know well enough to trust.

19. I’ve had many conversations with friends about teaching their kids about gun safety; even just what to do if they come across a gun. The anti-gun people would often be aghast at such a suggestion. After all, they didn’t allow guns in their houses and their kids would never be permitted to touch a gun.

    I always received a blank stare back when I asked, “What if your kid runs across a gun at their friends’ houses?”

    I never asked about guns. I did ask if they’d be unsupervised. If it’s someone with whom I was not particularly familiar with then I may have asked general safety-related questions the big one being if they had a pool. My kids knew about gun safety, knew what to do if they ran across an unsecured gun and also knew what to do if a friend wanted to show them their dad’s gun.

    I would not have been offended if someone asked me.

20. Never asked, but I also wouldn’t be offended if a parent did ask. Kids are precious. I get it. I chalk the data in the graph you posted up to the parabolic rate in which 1st time gun owners bought firearms during the pandemic – more households with guns, more opportunities to not handle them properly.

21. I was just thinking about this yesterday. My son is 10 weeks old so it hasn’t come up yet, but yes I would ask. I would not be offended at all if someone asked me, and in fact it would make me think highly of that parent. I would not let my child play at a house with guns, even if the adults claim they are locked up.

22. I try to remember to ask. And if they say yes I confirm that they are secured away from the kids. I am never offended if asked, it seems like good parenting.

    I would never forgive myself if I didn’t ask and something happened.

23. I own guns, and I would not be offended at all if someone asked me if I have guns and if they were locked up.

24. It’s not something I’ve really thought to ask but is actually a great question. I wouldn’t be offended. I’d happily tell you it’s in a safe and also that safe is only accessible by step stool unless you’re 6 ft tall.

25. I would ask if my kids were still young. My science lab partner accidentally shot and killed a classmate. It was a rough time for everyone.

26. I generally don’t. Most of the time, you can kind of tell who is more likely to have guns or not, and to an extreme you can tell who is more likely to have *unsecured* guns around. I live in a fairly safe neighborhood full of families and the HOA pays the police to actively patrol on their off hours as a side gig (which is a fairly common thing in Texas, many cops work as security guards on the side.) I personally own guns, but they are not accessible by my children or even my wife without me. They would be useless in self defense because I keep them secured. I would not be offended if someone asked me though, but it hasn’t happened as of yet. It’s a neutral thing and given how different families have different standards and ideas it makes perfect sense. It’s far different than another parent taking a look at me and saying, “So ummm, do you smoke meth?”

    However, what is much more important is that my kids have been trained on gun safety. Not just how to handle guns, but specifically what to do if they are at a friend’s house and a kid gets a gun out in some fashion. First, before it happens if their friend talks about it, they are to discourage their friend from doing it altogether. Secondly, if their friend handles a gun at all, they are to immediately leave the area and tell the responsible adult but not go back. They know how serious of a danger it can be, so they are willing to potentially jeopardize their friendship over putting lives in danger.

27. As a child and a parent , such a question was never asked, but I’d be happy to answer.

    On another note, a candidate I was hiring asked me if I’d be ok with her bringing her gun to work. 🤔 That one gave me pause. I understood why she was asking but didn’t feel comfortable with her doing it. Thankfully she bowed out of the job before coming aboard.

28. >Edit: [Guns have become the leading cause of death for American kids](https://www.axios.com/2022/05/26/gun-deaths-children-america)

    Unsurprisingly, this is a misleading figure. It includes 19 and under, not what we typically think of for children. 18-19 are adults when people aren’t trying to pad statistics. Also, the vast majority of those are suicide, or homicide.

29. Would not offend me AT ALL if someone asked if we have them and if they are secure.

30. No kids yet (going to start trying in the fall) and hadn’t thought about this. I live in Florida, high ownership state and 100% would ask. I have them but they are kept in a safe and locked up. 100% would ask.

    Anyone who gets offended probably shouldn’t own guns.