Info: I’m 29M she’s 26F
I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly 3.5 years and we are happily in love. We have lived together for two years, and have been at our house for 1 year now.
Our libidos nearly have always matched. When we first started dating we were having sex daily, then after awhile once every other day, etc. We have been on 1-2 times per week trend for the past two years, and that has been good for both of us. I struggled with ED sometimes early on and she was really understanding. She would be patient and give me reassurance, and eventually it would come around. This hasn’t happened at all the past two years. I also have had a bottle of Viagra to get me through some days where I wasn’t feeling confident.
We were just on our anniversary out of town around a month ago and came back and haven’t had sex since that time. Her job and school are consuming a lot of her time and by the time we’d lay down we would be too tired. I do more chores to try and give her more free time as she has very little. We started doing less fun things together as a result of all of this (this has been going on for about 8 months)
We tried to have sex randomly about two weeks ago and I lost my erection during sex. (It had been a month since our last time) so she was really confused by this. With all of the little time we have together due to work/school stress I put pressure on myself to perform even better and I think I psyched myself out. We talk about it briefly and just go to sleep. Two nights later I try again, took viagra, and fingered her to orgasm but during the fingering I realized that I was starting to panic at the thought of having sex. I was so beat down mentally from the last time that it got in my head and I had a full panic attack that I wasn’t going to be able to perform again. We talked briefly again and went to sleep. I waited a week before trying again. This time I took 100mg of viagra, tried to stay calm, etc. everything seemed to be fine and then I literally just lost my erection right away. This absolutely destroyed my confidence and I’m struggling mentally pretty bad right now. She hasn’t been nearly as understanding or supporting as in the past about it and it’s really turning me off. It kills me that my girlfriend is feeling insecure or upset by this. I don’t really know what to do to fix this as my confidence has been destroyed. I’ve noticed I’m starting to get anxious even thinking about sex, and I get turned off at the thought.
I really need to get past this so I can get back to normal in my relationship as I’m afraid the longer this goes the harder it will get to fix. But I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts killing my desire for sex.
I’ve tried taking maca root to get my sex drive up, viagra, etc. nothing seems to be helping. I’m able to get hard without having the pressure of sex but as soon as pressure gets involved I lose my erection. I really want to keep my girlfriend satisfied in every aspect and it has hurt my confidence a ton knowing I’m letting her down in this area. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this rocky point?