About 4 months into the whole COVID situation my girlfriend passed away. We had been dating for four years and living together for two. She was the light of my life and I had already asked her parents if they would give me their blessing to propose to her. Obviously her death had a devastating effect on my life and I found it difficult to even get out of bed and face the world. She helped me get through the death of my mom and dad and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to go through her death alone. I didn’t have anyone that I could talk to- my friends and I never talk about stuff like this, plus I wasn’t speaking to them as regularly because of the lockdown. I decided that it would be wise to see a therapist, so I did that a month after she died. It helped a lot. I was able to go back to work and go out with my friends on the weekends. I wouldn’t say that I got over it, but I can get on with my day as if she was still here. I want to get back out there and start dating. It’s been too long. I went out with a girl a few times this month and I’m very excited. We get along super well and we planned a date at a theme park this weekend. Despite being excited for our date, I don’t think I will ever see this girl as a potential lover, and I almost called the date off. I still feel that I need to be loyal to my (ex) girlfriend, even though I want some company in my life. How do I truly “get over” this feeling? Is time the answer?
TLDR: Girlfriend died at the start of COVID and I want to start dating again, but I still have this feeling that I need to be loyal to her.
5 comments
Don’t tell me you still have your ex’s nudes in your phone..? Is this the opposite of the other post I saw earlier 😳
I commend you for make attempts to move on. I’ve never been in that situation so I can’t imagine what is going through your head when even contemplating a date. Sounds like you’ve already seen this other person a few times which shows some progress. Bonus is that you may have made a new friend to go out and do things with even if you don’t feel romantic towards them.
Theme parks are a good idea for something activity based so you have something to focus on if you need your mind to go elsewhere.
I feel for you OP. Companionship is very nuanced so I understand the line between needing physical human touch and company but also having MANY emotions already tied to that. Best of luck in your journey.
Don’t you think your girlfriend would want you to be happy ? Love isn’t something finite just because you start dating and maybe at some point loving someone else doesn’t she will take your late gf place. I don’t think even your date wants that. No one one will replace your gf, you will not rebuild but build something new.
I do think you should start dating again slowly and see how it goes. You deserve to be happy and you aren’t betraying your late gf by doing so, I’d say it’s the opposite.
Grief is tricky. It comes and goes in waves. You can always very casually date / meet people. Just to put yourself out there. No pressure, just to see what happens. You’ll always love your girlfriend. But chances are she would want you to be happy and find love again. I suggest looking up “emcave” on instagram. Full name emily cave. She lost her husband 25 years old just 9 months after they got married. She shared her grief on instagram and I think she showed it in a beautiful way. Wish you the best
You may want to get some more therapy to understand your current feelings.
You are allowed to move forward, but grief and guilt can be tricky to deal with.
Go have a good time, take it as an outing, not a date.