I moved out on my own as a teenager and didn’t really know what I was doing. I didn’t know how to manage money, I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, etc. I had a part time job making basically minimum wage and could only afford to pay rent and nothing else. I had no money for food. I would buy a loaf of bread from the dollar store and basically live off of bread and water.
One day I confided in someone, and they told me I should go to the Salvation Army and see if they could help. They did help me with food two times a month until I eventually got another job and then eventually got a much better job.
For whatever reason I thought you could only get that sort of help if you were a single mom or had some sort of disability. I thought if you were a young able-bodied male then it was sink or swim. I didn’t think there was a social safety net or any help at all for men. I thought we just had to figure it out or end up homeless.
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That I definitely wouldn’t go bald like my 79 grandfather’s before me.
No, I was the exception 12 year old me told myself. I was different.
Spoiler: I wasn’t.
I thought career wise, my life would be easier than my female counterparts. This was false.
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I didn’t think that there would be a bunch of people with no experience telling how a man “should” be.
That I would never need Preparation H
That I’d have my life figured out as I got older.
As a kid/ maybe early teen, a misconception I think was common among many of us is that “MEN” fight (whether physically or verbally) to resolve their problems and “stand their ground/position”.
As a man now, or really, a grown mature adult, using words, conversation, and de-escalating a problem is more “MANLY” and strong than to just throw fist and verbally assault someone else.
Walking away is also a great option for most confrontations. It takes real strength to consciously know how not to get into a fight, especially over stupid shit.
That there’s any actual way to do it
You do you, evaluate what matters and doesn’t to you, and proceed
There are no real rules about it, unless you’re doing something harmful
But you’re free
Man… I had so many misconceptions growing up.
I didn’t have a father growing up. He essentially abandoned my brother and I at a young age, so a lot of my realizations just came from ignorance.
– Men absolutely cry. Those who deny it are likely lying.
– Men who often find themselves in physical fights are likely incredibly immature. Boys fight with fists, men fight (softly) with words
– When it comes to having a family, Men are in the back of the line. I used to think Men were the head and most respected people in the household. Nah. The minute kids start coming into the picture, you’re in last place on the pecking order.
The biggest misconceptions I had that life experience has taught otherwise are probably either A) men are allowed to show that they’re struggling or B) you should be yourself. The caveat to (B) is that it *can* be true if you are almost always happy, confident, and successful around others. If you aren’t then I guess change yourself so you are. Being a man is tiring.
Biggest misconception? “I can’t wait to graduate college and start collecting a HUGE paycheck!”
College, the biggest scam of our day…
Those who lead (in any respect) would be qualified to do so.
Well I certainly never imagined life to be as sisyphean as it’s turned out to be.
That if I treat other people fairly and with integrity they will reciprocate. Tends to be true more consistently in small towns.
That I would have “advantages”. Meanwhile I’ve literally been told at every job interview for the last 30 years that they are “looking for more diversity” from rooms full of middle aged white women. At every turn I seem to find extra challenges or dehumanizing treatment. At every job I’ve been asked to take on extra tasks/risks due to my sex.
On the Salvation Army note, I noticed you didn’t mention that they offered shelter. Its something they won’t do for men, especially single ones. I know from experience as I used to live down the street from 1 of the 4 shelters in the US that take men.
A lot of good ones in here. I don’t know if it’s the biggest misconception I had but it’s one I thought of and haven’t seen in the comments.
Virginity. As a teenager men are told it’s bad to be a virgin but then you lose it and you realize it wasn’t such a big deal. Then you get older still and realize it never actually mattered.
That I wouldn’t dislike fairly large groups of people
No! This makes me so sad to see! Depending where you are the safety net may be thin, and it may be more padded for people with dependents, but the safety net IS for everyone. I’m so happy you were willing to utilize it after you found out it was an option. And I’m so sorry you believed you couldn’t benefit from it when you needed it. Life sucks, and we only survive by relying on our local communities. I’m not sure if you’re in the US or not (though I thought Salvation Army was US based), but I am (this is my experience) and I just hope we can start recognizing the value of community and lifting one another up a little bit more. I think in our bones we know it’s important, but unfortunately the safety net is thin in the US.
That other men would have the same interests. I’m not big into tech, golf, or baseball. I like cars and have gotten dirty more than a few time but cant call myself especially knowledgeable or a “car guy.” Without at least one if these, you can not make adult friends. I like comic shows/movies(like the MCU), Star Wars, and football (including a love for fantasy). I like gaming, but am definitely disconnected due to no time to play anymore. Apparently my likes aren’t compatible without at least one of those others. Also, why can women talk about kids and marriage all day, but men can’t? I honestly find myself with more in common with wives than husbands.
I had an idea that a man could just be whatever he wanted to be and people would accept it. You could be yourself and you could live a good life.
This turned out to be false because people seem to have a very rigid understanding of what a man must be. You must be strong, and if you show weakness in any way then people lose respect for you. You must take huge risks, and if you take a risk and lose then people will blame you for being stupid. If you don’t take the risk, people call you a coward. You must be stoic an unemotional or you are called a bitch, but if you have no emotions then you are cold.
You can’t win either way. I learned to just say “fuck ’em” and be whatever I am, and if they don’t like it then so be it.
Getting/being married meant I could have sex whenever I wanted…