What does “independence in a relationship” mean to you?

34 comments

1. That you don’t want to do every single thing together, that you have your own hobbies.

2. Not living together or merging life infrastructures, not having kids or other dependents, having a balanced and full life outside out relationship, respecting and supporting your partner’s autonomy, maintaining social and sexual freedoms, etc.

   If you look up “solo polyamory”, you’ll find descriptions of the relationship style I prefer and practice. I find that it maximizes the independence I have in long term romantic relationships.

3. Both parties are capable of being financially independent should the current situation change. One guy is not financially dependant on the other.

4. Trust having trust will allow u both to still enjoy each other’s time as well as still be independent and do things on your own as well

5. We can sit in different rooms and do our own things without needing to interact with the other. We both make an income and don’t depend on the other’s. We have hobbies the other doesn’t share. We are two separate beings with our own thoughts, goals and emotions.

   Sidenote: Independence is great. A truly fruitful relationship is one of Interdependence.

6. We’re not together because we *need* each other, we’re together because we enjoy each other’s company & get along well. We can both live with ourselves as people & don’t rely on the other to validate our existence

7. You can do other things and still love each other.

   Codependents identities revolve around pleasing their partners feelings and always monitering their partner to look for possible abandonment.

   This becomes utterly suffocating.

   Independence in the relationship looks like unforced trust and compassion for each other.

8. Nothing without more explanation. Which I would ask for if somebody started talking or asking about it.

9. That we can both do have separate interest yet come together and understand each other.

   I.e We can be in separate rooms enjoying what we liked separately with no problems.

   But most young ladies mistaken independence in a relationship as being single with the benefits of being in a relationship.

10. It means that you don’t do every little thing together like some simple minded Protozoa.

11. You both have your own interests and wants, and they don’t always involve the other person.

    For example, if your partner says “I’m going over to my friend’s house after work, I’lll be back later.”

    For some people, this statement is a source of anxiety, stress, anger, or any number of emotions. These partners feel the need to be included in everything, and feel jealous or hurt when they are not.

    For others, that statement is no more stressful than your partner telling you they stopped by the store and picked up milk. It warrants no more than an “Ok.”

12. She has her own hobbies, her own bank accounts, earns her own paycheck, and pays a share of the bills in proportion to the ratio of my income to hers. (If I make twice as much as she does, then it would be fair for her to pay a third of the bills.)

13. Being able to still be an individual human who can do things outside of the relationship. You shouldn’t be tied at the hip if you don’t want to be, you can love at a slight distance from time to time

14. Having the freedom to select, stalk and bury my victims without that nagging feeling that the wife wants me home, or worse wants me to pick up groceries.

15. Financially independence. To pay each bills separately.

16. Still having my own life while simultaneously building one with my partner.

    I was a self-sufficient individual before I met you, and I will continue to be after, too.

    If your partner does not understand, appreciate, or agree with this, understand you are no longer compatible.

17. Still having separate lives. We don’t always have to and shouldn’t be together all the time. Still need separate hobbies and friends.

18. shopping for groceries without asking my partner about every choice i make

19. Both partners can spend time alone in the week doing their own thing as a quick break.

20. It kind of sounds like the first of a series of conversations which will eventually bring up terms like “more space” and “time alone” and which will eventually lead to a breakup.

21. It’s kinda like independence day.

    If your relationship involves either one of you invading Earth in a flying saucer, it’s just not cricket.

22. My wife doesn’t care that I disappear into the woods for a week and I don’t care that she goes on girls trips to drink wine and knit. Because we also do a tone of stuff together.

23. You wanna be with each other but you don’t need each other.

    I think there is a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to “independence”. Independence is not reaping the benefits of a relationship by using someone and enjoy being single on the side.

    Self sufficient and most importantly you are the only person she shares that emotional, physical, sexual, and most importantly the want to build your life together. That doesn’t mean you have to live up each other’s asses.

    One should have their own life.. but be respectful of their partner as well while doing it. Don’t go clubbing every single weekend if you’re in a relationship but it’s okay if your SO goes out with their friends or whatever let them come and go as they please.

24. Less of asking, more of sharing.
    Less of dominating, more of respecting.

25. I don’t have to ask permission to do what I want. I can go make my own plans and tell her I’m going to do shit and then I go so shit. Unless there are other plans that we already made that I forgot about I don’t get pushback.

    This is probably the biggest reason my current relationship has lasted 10 years, we both are able to go do what we want when we want.

26. If the boys wanna do a raid, or shoot some pool or take the bikes out the woman doesn’t pipe up and likewise if the girls wanna go on a spa day, go to the theater or do a bookclub the man doesn’t pipe up.

    In other words, we both have social lives and hobbies aside from each other. Not being codependant.

27. Independence means wanting someone in your life instead of needing someone in your life. IMO I want someone to want and need me in their life.

28. A red flag.

29. That you don’t have to do everything together, and that you don’t have to ask for permission to do things on your own.

30. Leave me alone during my me time

31. Being able to do things on our own/have time for ourselves without it negatively impacting the relationship.

32. You have to be fine with the idea of not being in a relationship and happy with your own company before being with someone else. Not expecting people to solve your life for you.

    Or else you’ll end up unconsciously projecting and demanding things that your partner might not be able to fulfill.

    Like, for example I can support you if you are depressed and shower you with affection, but I can’t be happy for you and I can’t fix your emotional baggage and build a life for you. That’s something you’ll have to do for yourself, I’ll just be here cheering you on and helping whenever I can.
    And too many relationships fail because the person somehow expects that being in a relationship will fix every trauma and emotional baggage the person have.

33. Everyone has their own bank account, their own flat, their own circle of friends and sometimes you can go on holiday without a partner.

34. Being able to enjoy your own company and do your own thing. I was seeing a girl in college and we both had busy schedules. That means we’d go a few days without seeing each other sometimes. All in all, it worked out well because we were both working hard for our futures. When we did get together, it was great though and we never had the thoughts of “I’m tired of this other person.”

    Boundaries are important! Even though I haven’t talked to her in a few years, she was a great gal and we had a good thing going!