Earlier today I put on a pair of pants that had a hole in my crotch. My privates were covered by my underwear which was a bright white colour. it was a small hole but noticeable when I moved. My dad pointed out to me that I have a tear in my pants before I left for school. I didn’t think anything of it.
I had to rush so I didn’t have time to change and instead covered it with a hoodie. I mentioned this incident to my female friend who instantly crumpled her face.
*“Why was your dad looking there? Ew.”*
I got really frustrated. Like cmon? My dad isn’t a pervert, and it wasn’t his intention to come across as such. He’s never ever disrespected my boundaries in that sense. He merely pointed out something I should know before leaving to a public place. What I don’t understand is why men are seen as predators 24/7. He’s my father. People seem to implicate just anyone these days. I love the amount of importance given to womens safety given in society as a whole, but that doesn’t mean men should be neglected. We seem to completely characterise them as pedos or perverts even though they aren’t. Anyone can be these things regardless of gender, yes males are predominant, but that doesn’t mean we should just randomly accuse someone for doing absolutely nothing. This mindset should be changed.
If you’ve had such an incident before or heard of it, please share!
* I am not a high schooler. There are other schools guys. Also, please don’t mention that just high schoolers are immature, there was once a news in the media where a man took his own child and was nearly taken to jail until his wife walked out and confirmed it was their baby. It happens for all ages and everywhere.
28 comments
It could be that it is an easy way to generate emotion. People are much more likely to believe something when they have emotion attached to it, even if it is disgust. The fact that it can be seen, raises probability that is will be seen that way.
There’s been a lot of such incidents. If you’d like to see examples, there’s this amazing page on Instagram (@thetinmen), which covers such incidents.
Generally, I guess it’s because most perpetrators (as portrayed by the media and press) are men. People who commit horrible killings and other unmentionable activities generally tend to be men. So, when a man does something, it’s generally scrutinized till people can safely say, “Okay, he’s not a horribly perverted rapist.”
High school kids are fucking idiots.
I was at a restaurant with a friend. A man came to us. He was polite, in no way made me uncomfortable. Asked if he could sit with us for a while, we agreed. There weren’t those weird touches and so on. He asked us how we were, if he bothered us and things like that. We hadn’t had our food yet, so in my opinion it was pretty good. It’s a normal way to meet someone. And when he left at his table, my friend said: “Look at him, such a pervert.”
And why the hell would he be like that?
There are other ways to meet someone than through social media.
Did your father serve in the military? Buddy system to ensure your squad was tip-top/ship-shape. Probably would have said XYZ(eXamine Your Zipper) if your fly was open. He was looking out for you, he’s a good man.
Pretty much everyone is a pervert. I know its hard being one yourself but don’t let the overly perverted nature of teens get to you. Yall will grow out of it.
Well if you didn’t say anything to your female friend about not being a judgmental bitch it’s partly on you. If we don’t fight the stereotype it’s just gonna stick around. I wouldn’t be friends with anybody who thought that way. Tells me exactly how their mind works right there and it ain’t pretty
A white spot would naturally attract the eye. Hey, I think it is good that your dad cares about your appearance and apparently your well-being, instead of just ignoring you.
To actually answer the question in your title, most of USA lives in a social climate which is a combination of traditional puritan ideals that suppress and shame sexuality and modern progressive ideals that acknowledge the decades of sexual abuse by men with power. Living in the overlap of that venn diagram means a lot of negative sentiment towards male sexuality.
No matter how high enlightened social media acts, our governments are out in the real world banning abortions and reverting to abstinence-only sexual education. We are miles from being a sex positive society, regardless of gender.
Your friend is an idiot.
I get that felling all the the time.
Since most of my friends were always women when i started working(11 ish years ago?). Often they would be bad mouthing someone or saying how lame some dude were or that they were a pervert for trying something, yada yada.
It sticked in my mind, i often stay away even when i am being introduced, so lame
You aren’t wrong when I was a nurse I’d constantly get turned away from caring for woman (even with non intimate care) mostly by older women.
One in particular didn’t want me caring for them because “he could be a pervert” she ended up sitting in her own poo for 4 hours until we could get another female to help.
I also had a mother go absolutely nuts at me because I had changed her daughters (non verbal autistic wearing pads) underwear and clothes this woman literally wanted to call the police and was trying to take my picture to “out” me on social media it took 4 care workers and a manager to explain that her daughter had an accident whilst on a group excursion and I was the only person able to get her changed.
It’s a double standard I hate feeling like a creep for just existing with a dick BUT it does have its positives very few people will dump kids on you and you aren’t expected to look after children because ALL men must be peadophiles.
Didn’t you know? We’re all bad. Murderers, rapists, robbers, groomers, gaslighters, abusers, stalkers, it’s all us.
In the story, the girl is possibly just a dumb …. one
Your dad was protecting you, what’s strange about that?
>“Why was your dad looking there? Ew.”
Well, you can’t go to kids expect them to think profoundly. She’s obviously immature and doesn’t know much about the world. I can see holes in people’s clothes using my peripheral vision. It’s like they’re calling me, my eyes just focus in on them as soon as I notice. It’s me being good at recognising “the odd one out”. I also instantly notice food, stains and other things that doesn’t “sit right”.
I understand her potential embarrassment, girls are ogled by boys and even men, so it’s not weird that her mind went there. And from a girls perspective, especially a girl without much experience in life and with people, it might seem like most men are potentially out to fuck her. When in reality it’s just confirmation bias.
Talk to girls in their 20’s, you’ll find that the answers differ a lot from high school.
If a girl likes you everything you do is not creepy and vice versa. Its amazing how they self-gaslight for guys they like, even serial killers.
Oh my God thank you for this finnaly some one gets it. This is why boys never make the first move
I would reply to this but I’ll just get a message that it was automatically removed because of my karma points
Males aren’t even predominant. You hear about sexual crimes from males more often, but that doesn’t mean that females aren’t out there doing it just as much. Women rape and commit various sexual offenses just as much as men. Yep, I said just as much, and it’s true. The data and stats are out there folks.
https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/full/10.2105/AJPH.2014.301946
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/04/male-rape-in-america-a-new-study-reveals-that-men-are-sexually-assaulted-almost-as-often-as-women.html
Just two examples of peer reviewed studies which showcase this. There is so much more information out there accessible by simple searches.
I myself was molested as a child by multiple female babysitters.
So you’re right, we need to get over this illusion that all men are sexual predators. Women get to enjoy the opposite even tho many of them are rapists and sexual deviants, but men often have to prove they aren’t some kind of pervert and it’s ridiculous, and like you said many ppl just assume a man is a pervert without knowing anything about them, it’s sad.
Question: is her father in her life?
I ask because I’ve noticed that some people with a poor/no relationship to their father have a negative reaction to day-to-day interactions like this.
Because for the past 50 years we’ve been told that men = bad
Because men are perceived to be more sexual in general. Women are perceived to be less sexual in general. It’s just how it is.
I completely understand. I love to read, I like to sit in parks during good summer weather and read a book.
I’m a white guy in my 30s, I have to be very careful which parks I choose and make sure there are plenty of adults around and less children.
I’ve been approached by Karens and concerned parents. Even though I’m clearly intent on reading my book and not sitting there watching kids. It’s just sad media has poisoned people’s minds against healthy adult males doing normal things.
That isn’t accurate of my experiences.
What someone says is more revealing of themselves/their expectations/their attitudes than who they’re talking about.
Poor logic is the fault of the individual more often than not. Your friend is probably just an idiot lol
IMHO most problems today are caused by folks being too one sided, this is a perfect example. A small number of men are bad so all men must be bad. It’s unfortunate that some men have ruined it for all others but it’s also a shame that people, not just women, need to understand that not all men are bad.
I do my best to never be alone with a child or a female employees because all it takes is one bogus accusation to ruin a mans life. And the sad thing is that everyone will accept the accusation as truth with absolutely no proof.
Your dad noticed a bright white against something darker, it will be eye catching, it happens.
Your “friend” is part of this problem and needs to grow up.
I was at Lowes the other day with my 4 year old daughter. She really had to pee so I took her into the mens room per usual. There was urine and feces everywhere, I was not letting her sit on one of those toilet seats, I left the restroom and confronted a staff and let her know the bathrooms were disgusting. She looked at me like ok…and?? So I said I’m going to take her into the woman’s room and find a cleaner stall before she pees her pants. She says “sir you can’t do that” I said excuse me? She says “yea sir, you can’t do that, you’re a man”…I said ok then grab some spray and go clean the urine and feces off those toilet seats in the mens room… she says “no, I’m a woman, I will take your daughter to the woman’s room” I laughed right in her face, I said “no you won’t take my daughter to the woman’s room, I don’t know you”. I walked away from her and cracked the door of the woman’s room and said loudly “are there any women in here” I got a response so I responded with “I’m a man with a 4 year old daughter who really needs to pee, the mens room is disgusting and if it’s ok with you I’d like to come find a clean stall for her to use” the woman said “Yes!, come right in, I’m washing my hands and when I’m done I’ll stand by the door and let any woman coming in know that you’re in here with your daughter” I said “perfect thank you very much”….
This stigma that all men are out to be perverts is beyond ridiculous and I’m getting sick of it. I’m not going to get into the whole politics of todays world and gender bathroom issues and all that shit but people need to start thinking logically, especially in a situation like mine. I don’t even want to talk about the time I got kicked out of my daughters ballet recital because I took my daughter into the changing room because my wife had an emergency at work she had to attend, I quite literally got kicked out and had a strange woman I don’t know change my daughter for her ballet recital… there’s been a few incidents that have pushed me over the edge… thank you for posting this and shedding light on this issue!
Probably because an overwhelming number of women and girls have had bad experiences and it colors how they view everything.
There is a lot of pushing vigilance and caution on women and then people complain when they view things through that lens.
Because society is completely fcked in general… I always told my friends if they had a hole or if the barn door was open because I’m very observant… I mean I noticed my now Ex GF “leaked” one day and I just walked up behind her and wrapped my sweater around her waist which kinda gave her the hint… mind you I wouldn’t do it to someone I didn’t know well but I’d still atleast tell them….