My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have been dating for a little over 2 years now. In the beginning of our relationship I never felt like I had an issues with my relationship with his family. Once his brother (19M) got a girlfriend (20F) I felt like I notified a shift in how I was treated compared to her, ill refer to her as Grace in this post. I was invited to family events maybe twice in the year that we were dating before his brother got a girlfriend. And I noticed that once she came into the picture I started being invited to stuff more. To me it almost felt like now that his brother was dating someone that they would always invite her and to make it fair I would end up being invited too. My boyfriend is a very accepting and friendly person so once his brother got a girlfriend it was nice to see how he accepted her into the family, but I also felt myself get jealous because no one in his family made me feel like that, ofc no one was ever really rude to me but I still felt like they would treat her differently (ex. My boyfriend would introduce Grace as his sister to new people we would meet and then as a joke he would just tell people I was his best friend, my boyfriend and grace have the same birthday so his family would celebrate both their birthdays, I barely would even be told happy birthday by them even though my birthday is two weeks after theirs) It may not seem like such a big deal but to me as I stand there and notice everything go on it just adds more to my hurt feelings over this situation. I also noticed how Grace would always come over to their house when I was barely invited over there by my boyfriend. There was an instance when my boyfriends uncle came to a family event and completely ignored me, I probably wouldn’t have taken it the wrong way if he wasn’t being so friendly and talking to my boyfriends brother and Grace. Most of my boyfriends family forgets my name (or calls me Grace) and it feels like I reintroduce myself every time I see any of them. My boyfriends mom and dad are very nice and I really have no issues with them. They do talk to me and are interested in me but I still notice how different their relationship is with Grace. Some background, Grace doesn’t have the best family life so its almost like my boyfriends family kinda took her in as their own. While I don’t have that experience, it almost feels like thats an excuse for me feeling like an outcast.
My boyfriend and I have had arguments and talks about this situation before but whenever I bring it up it feels like im alone on this. The first time I brought this topic up my boyfriend response to it was well my family likes you both equally but Grace doesnt have the best family life so thats why she has a more mother-daughter relationship with my mom. It almost feels like he makes excuses for it instead of hearing out what I have to say. I remember being crushed the first time I brought this up because I was talking about it in therapy a lot and it was everything to me to actually bring up my feelings to my boyfriend in the best way I could. But once I poured my heart out to him it felt like he didn’t understand what I was going through or even feel bad that I felt like this. To him it’s almost as if he doesn’t it see it that way, and his way of responding to me is to say that well thats not true because of x y and z. But all I want him to do is understand and hear me out on it. I told him I want him to at least say like im sorry you’ve been feeling like that, but he told me that would make it seem like he also thinks its true that im treated differently when he doesn’t think that. Our most recent talk about this ended with me feeling like im crazy for thinking any of this and my boyfriend being confused on why I still felt like this. I feel so frustrated with everything because on top of feeling of my feelings towards his family it feels like I can’t even talk to my boyfriend about it anymore.
Tl;DR my boyfriend’s family prefers his brother’s girlfriend more and my boyfriend doesn’t it see it that way
3 comments
How long do you plan to tolerate being with someone who isn’t on your side?
There does seem to be a lack of respect from your BF. He of all people should have your back. As you said he called Grace his sister and you just a friend. How much longer are you going to put up with this?
If I am completely honest, it sounds like you are creating drama where there is none.
There are two possibilities:
– They are indeed being extra nice to her because she has a had a messed up life and needs it
– They have better chemistry with her
Since they are nice to you, include you equally and don’t disrespect you, what exactly is the problem with either scenario?
If you have self confidence in yourself and see your own worth, you won’t need to be their favorite. If they were actually treating you poorly, I think your boyfriend should put a stop to it and stand up for you, but that is not what is going on here.
I know this isn’t the response you are looking for, but from the information you have shared, this is my take on the situation.