What are your experiences of sexism?

31 comments

  1. When my wife and I adopted our two daughters from foster care there were about 15-20 other people on the adoption team at any given meeting every month. Therapists, caseworkers, psycologists anyone who had anything to do with the care of our kids was there to give an update. I was the only male at any of those meetings. The only time my opinion was asked was when my wife deferred to me. In the 2 years before we adopted them only once did I speak up and that was to call out a member of the team who repeatedly failed to do her job. Other than that I was largely ignored.

    Another example of sexism is the lack of changing tables in men’s restrooms. I have 4 daughters, men’s restrooms are disgusting and my wife isn’t always there to assist, nor should she have to. I shouldn’t ever have to change my daughter while sitting on a toilet, or on the counter of a sink.

  2. Not my personal experience but a friend of mine.

    He’s a work from home dad and takes care of the majority of childcare stuff. Picks them up from school, takes them to the doctor and those kind of things. Couple of months ago his 5 yo son got sick at school (nothing bad but needed to be picked up). He is the main contact whenever something happens, but teachers decided to first call the mother. Eventhough she’s almost never the one to pick them up or bring them away

  3. No STEM scholarships, very limited welfare and health care, but compulsory military service.

  4. Last year, a young trainee got put into a research project I was overseeing. When I saw that she was putting in the effort, I let her present her own findings and made sure she was visible to the partners. She pushed very hard to get into my team full time after that. When I didn’t have room for her, she even showed up to a 1v1 meeting dressed like a pornstar and basically sexually harassing/assaulting me. I shrugged it off, thinking I just had to deal with her for a few weeks tops and that would be it. But after I turned her request to join my team down for the last time, she accused me of “sexist discrimination”. My crime? I called her evaluation method “too scientific” in a meeting.

    I have a spotless record, chatlogs of her first praising and then insulting me as well as several witnesses comfirming that I did nothing wrong. My right hand woman and I have been closely working together for years, she even followed me to my current employer. Previously, I had a team of nine women and three men – never once did anyone level a complaint. All she had was her word and a history of getting out of line when feeling wronged.

    Guess what – It took my six agonizing months to clear my name. She kept throwing tantrum after tantrum and eventually attacked the Head of HR – a woman – in her rage that I wasn’t simply fired based on her word. I beat this through being savy, but by God, the fucking injustice at play on all levels !!

    Think about this for a second: She treated me like shit for months and even still I had to fear for my career even though I did nothing wrong. But the minute she went after another woman, she was suddenly gone. The lack of accountability, entitlement and childish, narcissitic rage was off the charts and – because of her gender – somehow tolerated.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg by the way. It’s just the most recent story. Women are given a free pass for stuff that would most likely land me in jail, at the very least in the unemployment line. My mentee and other female colleagues took my side and were absolute sweethearts, which restored a bit of my faith in women in general. But damn … the fact that they have this kind of leverage makes me sick.

  5. For me personally it’s when a woman thinks she can assault (verbally/ physically) the shit out of me and because I’m a man, I must just take it. No retaliation permitted whatsoever.

    If it were the other way around, I’d be called an absolute asshole/ lady abuser and shuned by everyone around me- even held by trial and go to jail.

    Double standards bs.

    So here I am, taking it despite the emotional repercussions I have to deal with by myself thereafter.

  7. When my son was born, I was the one who stayed home and raised our son. Fed him, changed his nappies, put him to sleep, fed him during the night, took him to baby classes, doctor, playschool, parties etc. My ex-wife did the work thing. So I knew everything; when he got his first teeth, when he started to crawl and walk and eat solid foods. The whole thing. I was the househusband.

    But, when we went to friends or family, not one single woman (except my mom. Bless that amazing woman) wanted to know from me how he’s doing, has he got his first teeth yet, how is bathing/toilet training/walking/talking/etc progressing. I was never the one doing a great job in raising him. My ex was the one “doing such a great job raising him”. I literally didn’t exist. When there was something that wasn’t going right, it was because “he is being raised by a man and not a women”, and suddenly I existed. If I had to change his nappy at a party, there was always, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, a women present to see if I did it “correctly”, usually followed by “let me show you how to do it correctly”. I do this every fucking day. Fuck off, I know how to do it.

  8. In a previous relationship I got roasted occasionally because I like being the little spoon. She was ostensibly progressive, very active as a feminist, ran a book club for women of colour, worked with disabled people, etc. But despite all that the archaic views of men persisted.

    She never outright mocked me for it but it would come out in little jokes every now and again and in her subtle frustration when I would roll over in bed. Like as progressive and forward thinking as you want to be, there is still no escaping the fact that a man wanting to be cuddled in bed is slightly improper and a bit icky

  9. I use to work at a few different schools and I would tell people how cautious I always have to be. Like how this one time at a preschool, I noticed that one of the kids’ grandmother had came to pick her up. I knew she was in the bathroom and I went outside the bathroom to tell her her grandma was here. She said her stomach really hurt so I went to the grandma to tell her and went over to help her. And I went back to the rest of the kids. The next day, my site director took me aside to tell me that the girl’s father (who wasn’t even there) didn’t feel comfortable with a man help his daughter in the bathroom. I thought I was losing my job, but fortunately, my site director just said that I would have to have a female coworker (which was literally everyone else in the building) take her to the bathroom from now on. I want to say it again, I didn’t even go into the bathroom. I only spoke to her to tell her that she’s getting picked up.

    Whenever I tell people this story, they just like, “that’s sad, but it makes sense.” Umm…. no it doesn’t. I promise you, I’m vetted more thoroughly than the majority of parents. I didn’t “accidentally” end up working there. It was conscious and it took time and resources on my behalf to get there. And people want to look me in the eye and say “but how do they know you’re not a pedophile?”

  10. We were partying one weekend in a college town. I ran into a female friend of mine from High School. She joined with us and we were all having fun, but she got a little too drunk and was getting sloppy. I was with another high school friend of ours, so he and I offered to walk her back to her place. Wasn’t far out of the way and we’d just catch up with the rest of our group at the next bar.

    We get her to her house and idk if it was her roommate or a friend or what, but this other girl came running outside and grabbed our friend and started pulling her towards the house. Whatever, our job is done, so we say “Good night **** hit us up tomorrow of you want to grab some lunch” her friend stops in her tracks and starts yelling at us, calling us perverts, asking what the f*** did we think we were going to do with her when she was like this. She made it clear that because there were two of us we were absolute scum and filth. I was stunned. Finally I just put my hands up and told her we all went to high school together, we’ve known her for 6+ years. We were in fact doing the same thing she was, trying to make sure our friend was safe. Even after all that, this girl just cussed us out some more and told us to leave.

    Like I get it, you gotta protect your friends, but that’s what we were doing too. We weren’t trying to come inside, we weren’t trying to get them to come out some more. We were literally bringing their friend to them.

    ​

    Another time my gf got a little carried away after a long day of drinking and activities. It was around midnight and she was starting to doze off at a bar, so I got her on her feet and was taking her outside so we could catch an uber and head home. Another girl at the bar, who neither of us knew, grabbed her arm and started pulling her away from me. I stopped her and was like wtf are you doing? She ignored me and was trying to get my gf’s attention, asking her if she knew who I was, if she felt like she had been drugged, all this stuff. My gf was taken aback, drunk, tired, etc. She just kind of stammered yes she knew me. This didn’t dissuade the stranger, she yelled for a group of guys she was with to come over and help her. So her I am literally trying to wrestle my own girlfriend back from a complete stranger while 4 dudes are rushing over to get in between us.

    I managed to get my gf behind me, and I’m dog cussing the girl and the dudes. They’re definitely about to beat the shit out of me before a bouncer shows up. At this point my friends caught wind of what was happening and came over. After a whole bunch of yelling from both sides, they left us alone and the bouncer told us we had to leave because my gf had been overserved. Like what I was trying to do the whole f***ing time. As the other group was walking away the first girl literally shrugged and said, “You can never be too careful”. Like bitch, yes you can. I’m trying to take my gf home and you’re trying to get my ass beat because I’m a dude walking a girl out of a bar.

  11. Female partners thinking it’s ok to smack me.

    Women in the office asking me to move boxes/items for them and saying how strong I am, so they don’t have to do it.

    Female coworker in professional career telling me the only reason I got “cool” projects is because I’m a man.

    Being dismissed by my mother as a child when I would ask to be evaluated because I had childhood trauma that gave me immense anxiety daily, basically just told “oh you’re fine, get over it”.

    My father treating me like a drinking buddy most of my life, never really there for me, but treating my sister like a princess.

    Growing up in a family where out of 10 cousins and a sibling, I was the only boy. Family gatherings were basically them picking on me until I got bigger than them, then me getting in trouble when I would retaliate.

    My sister freaking out at me if I went into her room as a kid, and then slapping herself and fake crying to make my parents drag me out and spank me.

    My parents making me do physical labor chores daily while my sister got to sit inside and watch tv.

    A lot of it was just dumb kid stuff, but it still counts I suppose.

    Here’s an odd one – held the door open for an older fellow and his wife while walking into a restaurant. He stopped and wouldn’t let me hold the door. In an angry voice he said “no, you go in”. Not wanting to cause conflict, I obliged. He then held rhe door for his wife and glared at me as he walked in. Fucking psychopath that man was. Maybe not sexist in the general sense, but he held issue with me holding a door open because I was a nother man apparently immasculating him by being kind. Idk, it’s a mad world.

    Edit:spelimg

  12. I only cry when I’m alone, usually in the car. Because it’s the only time someone has commented on it, or told me to toughen up.

  13. Lots of dads as the primary caregiver in here which is great. I’m an at home dad for 14 years, oh the lists I could make: No changing tables in the men’s room, doctors and schools calling mom first although she has no idea. People trying to take the kiddo away when they were babies because they were fussy. So many times.

    And to try and join parenting stuff? Yeash. I have to be “vetted” basically to make sure I’m cool. When I go to story time, people always stay away from me. When people find out I”m an at-home dad, they sometimes ask why I’m unemployed or treat me with pity. Write an article about fatherhood or give an interview about being an at-home dad: lots of women and moms immediately jump into the comment section questioning my masculinity, wonder if I’m a “real man”, say I would never let my man do that. As if the act of caring for my kids is somehow dirty?

    Normally, I don’t pay any attention but it gets annoying after so many years.

  14. Being out in public alone with my young children.
    Two types of sexism. The “you are a hero for doing this” sexism, and the “i must help you control them because you are a man and suck at this” type of sexism…usually from older women.
    I despise both.

  15. When we moved in together, my wife thought there were 2 types of chores – things we both do, like cleaning, and things only men do, like taking care of the car, putting together things, and fixing things.

    Needless to say, when she bought a desk for herself and said it needed to be assembled, I said wifey, assembling things is something we both do now. Good luck!

    Turns out she was perfectly capable of assembling a simple desk. Go figure.

  17. I went to the same dive bar for years; they had the best pool tables in town. I’d go there several times a week, I was one of the regulars. The waitresses liked me, the other regulars liked me, and a few of the older guys took the “young buck” under their wing and I learned a lot from them, their wives, etc. I never caused any problems or got into any fights. Even dated one of the bartenders for over a year.

    Well, one night a group of 20-something girls come in. I didn’t recognize any of them. One of the older guys suggests I go talk to one of them. I did. It didn’t go well, but I just laughed it off with the older guys. The entire encounter was over in less than a minute. I didnt even approach the table where their drinks were. The girl I talked to was by the juke box.

    But, two days later I get a visit from the police. Apparently, one of the 20-something girls said she’d been drugged (but not assaulted) that night and pointed the finger at me. I told them my story, that I’d never even been near their table and they said the bar was pulling the camera tapes and they would get to the bottom of it, so if I was lying, I’d better come clean.

    I don’t even know where someone would even go to get freaking weed, much less rufies, but they were talking to me like I was some perverted criminal. Well, I called the bar, they said that they had watched the tapes and hadn’t seen me do anything or even go near the girls except that one time at the juke box and would pass it along to the police. They said that I couldn’t come back while the investigation was still ongoing.

    Two weeks go by, I don’t hear anything. From anyone. I want to go back to my bar. I call the card the officer left, and ask if I had been cleared so I can go back. He said that he hadn’t seen anything on the tapes, so I call up my bar again. The manager apologizes and tells me that the owner just decided to give me a “lifetime ban just in case,” even though I’d been cleared. As a dude, I was just automatically a pervert and kicked out of my favorite bar forever just because a woman pointed the finger at the wrong person. Six years of loyal patronage meant nothing when compared to one random woman’s accusation.

  18. Being a full time single father for over ten years with the mother living states away…when I travelled with him, they would often pull him out of the security lines with the nearest woman, even if they are not even remotely the same race. In Germany(immigration), this March, they asked us if the mother is already ahead of us at our destination in Denmark…I had to explain that his mother hasn’t been around for over a decade…

  19. I worked on a catering crew. I was 1 man around 50 women. We would work events where we’d be put in a group chat for “hey I need ten people on Sunday”.

    There was a big cotillion dinner planned out months in advance, all hands on deck. Everything had to be pristine: water goes above the knife, tea goes above the teaspoon.

    One woman kept on walking up to me to remind me that tea goes above the teaspoon. Weird, ok, she’s being helpful– I’ve been doing this as a side gig for about a year, I know, but I’ve never met her before so that’s ok.

    After the third time she reminded me I said “are you telling me this because you’ve seen me make the mistake, or are you assuming Im not doing this properly because I’m the only dude here?” She got super red and avoided me the rest of the evening.

    That was the only instance of sexism I can recall. I feel bad for people who deal with that daily.

  22. Not me, but one of my employees. There was an office with these women where in the instructions they would specify they wanted a specific delivery driver – he was 20 and *very* attractive. It got to the point they factored the days and hours he worked. He was a naturally nice guy but one day he told me to stop sending him there – apparently they would make excuses to touch him, to the point one of them “helped” him with his pants by physically grabbing his waist and sticking her thumbs down his crotch area. No consequences at all after my GM reported them to the police because they kept making the same order with the same request.

  23. I wanted to do a charity run for breast cancer as my sister died from it. I was told it was women’s only event. They didn’t like it when I pointed out that men also die from breast cancer. It just seemed so dumb they would turn someone and money away because they were a man.

  24. I hate when I’m out in public and automatically get treated like a predator because I’m male. Outright glares, shifty glances, being physically skirted around. I’m a human too, dammit.

  25. Cutting female genitals is categorically wrong (it is) but cutting my genitals without my consent is apparently fine. My body not my choice.

  26. I got in trouble once in high school because a girl thought i was her ex who cheated on her so she attacked me from behind. After she knocked me down I pushed her off and pinned he to the ground in a simple armbar (im a martial artist). Until i had her pinned i didn’t even know she was a she. I just instinctually protected myself. It was recorded on the security cameras and a crowd of people saw that i didn’t hurt her in any way and i simply diffused the situation. I got a month suspension and a comment on my permanent record saying that i ASSAULTED a a girl. She had zero consequences and she had a knife in her pocket that she tried to grab. I wasn’t able to get into my dream college because of the incident.

  27. Surprised noone has mentioned it yet. Maybe an age thing as I’m older than the core demographic here?

    *Being the bread winner.*

    I’ve financially supported my wife for the past decade while she pursues various degrees, certificates, bounces around jobs, and flip flops between career choices. This all perfectly acceptable for her to do in our society and she gets nothing but support from friends and family. Meanwhile my supporting her is completely thankless. If I dumped her, I would be the bad guy. Swap the genders and you would have a very different story…

  28. Woman is interested in me but I’m not interested in her, therefore I’m “a pussy and a faggot.”

  29. My ex boyfriend and I used to attend and volunteer at a local church, he helped with Sunday school for years, he loved children and they always had a soft spot for him, he was great with kids had three sons of his own, and i never would even consider him being a predator. The kids at Sunday school would run up to him shouting his name and exited to see him, they would give him big hugs and he really brightened their day, they looked up to him and he was trusted by the parents. One day after years of his service he got pulled aside by one of the female volunteers and they told him he was no longer aloud to give the kids hugs, they told him it was inappropriate. We watched as the students continued to hug female members and after they had a lesson about how important physical affection was literally the next service, while my boyfriend had to refuse these kids hugs. I felt so bad for him and he tried to bring it up but was told it because he’s a guy. I was in complete shock, lets just say we didn’t keep attending that church much longer.

  30. When a woman once told me that men objectify women based on their looks.

    Same woman who fawns over a tall and well-built man on social media.

  31. Once when I was in middle school, my health teacher, who was also my wrestling coach, called me back into a classroom because a female student had stayed after to ask him a question. When she finished and received her answer, she left…. and when I asked him why he called me into the room he said he needed someone else in the room, that he could be in the classroom with a female student alone ‘just in case’.

    It made sense at the time; don’t want to be accused of something. After reading these it just makes me kinda sad.

    Another time, much later in life, I was at a club. This wildly drunk girl was trying to find the exit and couldn’t speak English and was banging on windows trying to excape. She pleaded for help and I flatly ignored her, which felt awful. Eventually she sat down and started crying, so I found a group of girls nearby and explained that she needed help and they jumped to. I wish I could have helped her myself.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like