How do I know if a guy is really kind or if it’s just a facade?

24 comments

1. How does he treat waiters?

2. Since he doesn’t even know, you just need to go with how he acts and use your own judgement.

3. Give him what he wants.

4. See how he acts when he has nothing to gain for being kind. How does he treat service workers? How does he treat his family?

5. You figure out over time

6. Find out if he votes for the left or the right parties.

7. Watch how he treats other people

8. If it’s a facade, he is manipulating you.

   Easiest way to prod him is to not give him what he wants right away. Ideally a very minor thing that’s not worth getting worked up about. If he is manipulating you, he won’t like that a bit. Clever manipulators won’t flip out right away, but their behaviour will change sometimes ever so slightly to work towards his inteded goal. You have to pay close attention to this.

   Also: Past actions are always a good indicator. If he is on bad terms with all of his Ex girls, it’s a very good sign his kindness didn’t extend too far.

9. It’s very easy, listen to things he says, listen how he treats you and others, how he talks about others, how he treats someone who is weaker than him.

10. There’s a real difference between real nice, facade or a good natured person. One is a good person, genuine but usually has no backbone, one is fake nice and one is good and nice but can tell you to go fuck yourself if you do something not so good.

    In my case, try to piss that person off and ask for an apology after. They usually act differently, a really nice person will say its okay.. a fake person would behave like they’re above you or even gaslight in some cases and a good natured person will reprimand you but forgive you ..

    Again my opinion… Not entirely correct

11. Kindness is consistent. That is not to say it is absolute, but a kind person will give directions when asked, even if they are annoyed at the time.

12. The truest test of character is how a man treats his waiter

13. How he treats animals. If he’s kind to a creature that gives him nothing back, chances are he’s alright.

14. Say no to him once. If he says “no worries, that’s ok” with a smile, then he’s genuine.

    If his mood suddenly sinks, and it’s like a dark cloud is forming around him, then it’s not genuine. He was only nice to get what he wanted, it didn’t work out, so he’ll revert to his true nature. A facade is effort to keep up. True nature is so effortless. If they’re a genuinely good person, then they’ll also revert to their true nature when told “no” and since their true nature is kind and caring, then they’ll be mostly unchanged.

15. Hang out with them over time via multiple encounters or one sustained encounter. Fake nice people can’t keep up the facade very long term. When the hangout is short it’s easy to put on a nice facade.

16. Those guys:****noting down vigorously****

17. It goes with everyone in life unless they’re just upfront assholes.

    Time and paying attention to their actions with you and others. Watch and learn.

18. A good natured guy will usually be understanding when you tell them no.

    A guy putting on a facade will usually have a sudden drastic change in attitude and demeanor.

    Also watch their interactions with other people. How do they treat other people, are they being a genuinely good person or are they doing something good then expecting “praise” suddenly.

    A genuine good natured guy will do things and not expect praise and will probably say nothing about what they did and be humble about it without drawing attention.

    One who is putting a facade will do a good dead and then say things to draw attention to their deed and expect people to.praise them and put them on a pedestal.

19. If you feel like he is going too fast, he’s manipulating you. From personal experience, if I like someone, I’ll be quite shy (kinda makes sense). If someone is overly confident they are probably manipulating you. Or they are just confident but what I find around most guys is that we are shy someone we like (from my and friend’s experiences).

20. See how he is towards others. Kindness shouldn’t just be towards you if it’s genuine

21. Let me tell you now since you are already on the road to ruining something. If you look for the bad in others, you will find it. The moment you start micro-analyzing someone’s behavior, you will interpret their actions in the light of whatever it is you are looking out for.

    So my suggestion is letting someone else ask him a favor and have them be the judge. At this stage, a third party will be more objective than you.

22. Like all facades, they eventually break under certain conditions. You don’t necessarily have to do anything except wait until something occurs that results in his facade breaking away. Usually it breaks once he is told no about something as people usually put up a facade to obtain something. Also, most people don’t have the virtue of being patient so again simply waiting is in itself trial. I’d say you learn a fair bit about someone after 6 months of dating them at least enough to know what they’re like and whether you want to continue to date them.

23. I mean you’ll see as time passes, a very generous person is always suspecious but it can happen.

24. Honestly it’s very hard to know for anyone. Even for guys. Sometimes the nicest guys in the room that everyone loves will be a cold, crazy fuck behind closed doors.