In January me (m25) and my then gf (f24) broke up, we’d been together for 5 years.
It was a complicated matter, I have adhd, and that affected the relationship and my life heavily.
Basically the main points were that my adhd kept me from having success in university, and has always been a hurdle in everything in my life, and that led to me developing depression because of it. That meant 2 things: because of my lack of dedication she’d feel unsatisfied of the attentions given, and that I’d go through regular months long depressive phases during which I’d not really be present to myself, leading to a lack of interest towards anything, lack of drive to do anything, I’d just be there.
Almost 2 years ago I started therapy, with mixed results, and around a year ago I decided to start with medication.
What basically happened was that she went through a rougher patch, during which I was there to help her, but that meant that when I had some darker days she couldn’t take it, and she decided it was time to close it.
In whatever I’m gonna write, there’s no blame nor anger, I think it was the right thing to do, because it went on too long, and I didn’t want to hurt her anymore.
I’m writing this because I can’t resign to letting go. We had something beautiful, and we pushed through debt and deaths together, and I can’t really accept that something I’m fighting and pushing through could lead to something so definitive.
Months went by, I struggled with suicidal though daily, and we talked many times, exchanging hurtful experiences, never wanting to hurt each other, and for however many times I felt angry, sad, jealous or anything else, I always instinctively go back to all those “what if…” thoughts, and all those “I could” thoughts.
Now she appears to have moved on, she started dating (kinda soon after the breakup), but I know her a bit too well to fall into her own traps, and she’s been keeping busy as much as she can to protect herself from the pain I faced straight on.
That said, I want to ask you all: “when does hope turn to illusion?”. I’m still in love, I have no problem with saying it, but when does it become unreasonable to think that there could be a comeback?
TLDR: after 5 months I haven’t made more than a couple steps toward getting over a breakup, when does it become unreasonable to hold hope?