Title says it all, I’ve tried many things but I can’t seem to get anyone’s attention. It honestly feels like women want nothing to do with me. I know I’m not entitled to anything but what seems so easy for other people seems so difficult for me. For context, I’ve been told I’m a good looking guy and I have decent social skills so is there something I’m doing wrong?
Edit: Male
29 comments
Have you talked to your friends about it?
Your self worth depends so much on getting a girlfriend, seriously? Be better mate !
23 is still pretty young, you aren’t the only one for sure. Maybe it’s just bad luck. In my life there has been only one guy who I liked and it was overal just really good timing or I would have missed out on it. Maybe a new hobby with a group of new people will help? You never know who you will meet there.
I honestly don’t know why being a virgin is considered bad? In most countries, it’s the other way round.
Life doesn’t revolve around relationships and sex!
Your youth ends when you decide it has ended, and starts when you decide. I’m 59. I’m having, most of the time, more fun than a grown man ought to be allowed to have. Why? Because I have put a lot of work into fixing my mental health, and so a lot of the baggage I carried for years is gone now.
This will change if you take action to change it.
I had just turned 23 when I got my first (and only) girlfriend. I was a virgin and never had a kiss before her. I spent my entire teenage years obsessing over not having a girl like you, and honestly my self esteem has never been worse than those days.
When I stopped giving a fuck and just lived my life, it just sort of happened. I know it’s cliche, but to that’s my advice to you. Focus on yourself and what makes you feel good, build yourself up, hang with friends, don’t forget to socialize with new people. The more you meet, higher the chance of you running into someone you click with.
Also you’re 23, you have plenty of youth left, so don’t be so hard on yourself man, and GL.
I’m in the same situation but at 22 and as a girl. I feel you. It makes me anxious to think about all the time I’ve wasted and how much I’ve missed out on. And while I wasn’t bothered by being single for the longest time, I find myself dwelling on it a lot lately, which is making me feel lonelier than ever.
But it’s healthy to keep some perspective:
– You’re very young. It’s not entirely uncommon for someone at your age to have not been in a relationship yet. There’s nothing wrong with you so you shouldn’t feel ashamed of your situation.
– The best is yet to come. The fact that you’ve never experienced relationships yet means that you have so much to look forward to.
> Am I doing something wrong?
Personally, my problem is that I don’t put myself out there. It’s been a very long time since I’ve even had a crush on anyone because I just don’t meet guys very often, especially with the pandemic over the past few years. So perhaps that’s something for you to reflect on, as well—how often do you meet new people? The more often you do, the greater your chances of finding someone
You’re not cursed to be lonely forever, you *will* find yourself a girlfriend someday. It’s just a matter of being patient until then, and focusing on becoming the best version of yourself in the meantime. Sending you good vibes (:
Nah man. I didn’t find love til several years older than you. Work on yourself for now. When she comes along you’ll be ready and mature enough for her. Being a good husband is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in life, so get yourself right.
My husband’s first relationship began when he was 23. He was working at a summer camp and met a girl. They eventually broke up because she was controlling and then 2 months later he moved to another state. He then met me. We hit off from Day 1 and now we’ve been married almost 5 years.
Point is, 23 is young. Everyone arrives to life milestones at different times. I think everything worked out for him because he was focusing on what HE wanted for himself – moving to a new state. Then he was pleasantly surprised to find love there.
Sometimes all you need is a new environment and when you are driven to improve yourself, girls will like you for it!
OP, it could be worse.
Closing to 35, never had a gf and still a Virgin.
ie. You could be me.
Edit: I’m male.
Have you tried therapy ? It can help anyone sometimes. Also, youre not a loser, try to do the things you live everyday and explore new things and eventually time will come for a GF as well. If being a virgin is what keeps you blocked, try (if its legal) to go to a sexworker maybe ? Wont help you a lot but at least you would have one frustration less i guess.
The only thing you’re doing wrong is actively seeking it out.
My friend, youth is only wasted if you spend it all pining for things.
You are not the first or last person to reach 23 as a virgin: therefore you are not a loser.
Put yourself out there with some of your interests: go sing karaoke, join a sports league, take some art classes! If you waste your youth, it won’t be because you didn’t get laid. 🙂
Nah you’re fine. Men hit their “prime” age around 35 anyway. While you won’t have to wait that long if you just take it easy and keep working on yourself. Things are changing now but very slowly, men are still looked at as providers and security. Who are you providing for and who do you offer security for? The older you get the more you’re able to do that. Also the more you’re able to take care of yourself and exuberate confidence the more “luck” you’ll have, and that just comes with time.
And the funny thing is you don’t really have to become someone’s provider and security blanket you just have to appear to have the ability to. It’s crazy.
First of all…nothing wrong with being a virgin at all! You’ve probably saved yourself a lot of drama and heartache by keeping it in your pants. You don’t need to have sex with a lot of women. Just find someone you love and someone who loves you. There will be lots of time for sex later. It won’t fall off until then, I promise.
Now…onto dating. Dating is a numbers game. It’s not about finding one girl you really like a committing to her for years without a plan. If you want a loving committed partnership (marriage) that will last you until you’re an old man, you need to first and foremost practice some form of selfless giving. For example, taking care of an animal. Or volunteer your time and talent to something worthy. Do something that will build your character. If you think you’ve done all of that and the work is over—that’s a sign you need to step it up a notch. Having that giving, selfless quality will prepare you to be even more of a patient, conscientious, kind and giving man. Women find those qualities so attractive. If the ones who don’t are not the ones for you. You want a woman who also has those qualities and appreciates them in you. So that’s step one—work on you. Never stop doing that and growing your character.
Step two is having a good time. Join meet up and get involved in fun things in your community. Go kayaking, bowling—explore things around you. Meet new people and be a joy in someone else’s life. Work on being a really good friend to others. Take lots of pictures and make memories. If you’re an introvert, that’s ok. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have these moments. It just means you need time to yourself to recharge. The point here is that an active social life will give you something to look forward to and you’ll be glad for all the great memories and adventures you have with friends.
Step three is having an active dating calendar. You should have at least one date a week. If not more. Sign up for Match. Start making some connections and get your dates scheduled. Get to know these women. Let them get to know you. Don’t be too upset if nothing moves forward. Remember, it’s a numbers game. The more dates you have, the more likely your chances of meeting that person who shares your values and hobbies. Don’t make it about sex. Remember that you’ll have all the time in the world with the right partner. My husband and I are trying for a baby and he can’t keep me off of him, lol!
Your partner is going to be the best friend you’ve ever had. If you follow these steps, your odds are going to look pretty good. It might take you a few years. So what? Better to take your time and meet a true friend than rush into things and have the kind of relationship your where your friends pity you.
23 is still young… I guess that’s why comedies are titled the 40 year old virgin and not the 23 yr old one.
Make yourself happy with yourself. Make yourself a true friend to others. Live life without the worry of expectations… and life will absolutely come for you when you least expect it. Being content and social always results in being in the right place at the right time.
Bro What? 23 is very young… You can loose your virginity at any time even if your 50 or 70. You have tons of time left. Just keep your head up and don’t listen to nobody.
You haven’t wasted your youth yet. I’m 44 now and I literally was talking to myself the other day and the conversation was what age would I go back to and keep if I were immortal. I chose 24. It’s the best time of your life.
Maybe women want nothing to do with you, you could be right. If that’s your focus, there’s a lot you can do to change how interesting you are to some, especially if you are decent looking. Learn skills, get money, be kind, be happy, be fit. Nothing attracts like health, and I mean all kinds of health: physical, emotional, financial, social, mental. I always work on balance and try to find what is my weak spot and work on that.
Edit: for context, in my late teens and early 20s, I had women approaching me left and right. The things I was involved in were hanging out like bbqs with friends, taking community college classes (acting + general Ed), and working. Simple, but all the bbqs and I would always invite lots of people and share info about parties and at parties I would talk to everyone and introduce people I just met to other people I just met. Social health gives you lots of options.
Talk to females and be confident and stay in your league. If you don’t try nothing will happen. Confidence is key when striking a conversation with a girl.
Yes. Make friends. So important. It’s easier to meet women when you have mates.
I was like that until I tried online dating.
You’re so a young man! I was around your age when I had my first serious girlfriend. I think I lost my virginity at 24. I’m 29 and single and I still have hope that I’ll find someone.
If you are a bit awkward, maybe you just aren’t noticing when girls are interested in you? Have you considered just asking women out on dates? What are you doing to meet a partner?
Don’t listen to anyone telling you that you are a loser, dude. I’m 30(M) and while your experience is not my own, I can tell you that sex gets better over time anyway. Teenage sex can be awkward and frantic. Be open and honest with any potential partners. Someone will appear in your life that is considerate of your situation. Don’t seek it out too hard.
There are so many things wrong with this post. It’s an all or nothing mentality.
23 and virgin —> conclusion: wasted youth.
You make it sound like losing your virginity is the ultimate goal of youth, if not you have failed.
You are only 23. There’s still a lot of time to go. Stop labeling your youth as failed. It’s just too early for that. That mindset is not going to help you get laid anyway.
Maybe it’s all in your mind that girls want nothing to do with you. You seem to just suffer from a negative self-image that you project onto them. Just keep trying and you will eventually find a girlfriend.
It’s not too late yet. So stop being fatalistic and go for it!
32 here lol
You are very likely much less rare than you might think.
Try your absolute best to not measure yourself that way, as it’s not an “achievement” per se.
Other than that, just keep trying to do things you enjoy and find ways to make them social. What do you like to do for fun? Do you live in an area where there are lots of young people around?
Eg, game plan would be very very different if you live in Utah vs NYC for instance
Dude,just enjoy.
Don’t give into peer pressure.
Sex is something,but it ain’t everything.
23 is a age in which you are full of energy and life,use it for your benefit and make something out of yourself.
Noone will die virgin, man…
Live will fuck everybody
Go pay for some sex, buddy. It may be that you put yourself under too much pressure, and women may be feeling that energy.
Go get yourself an escort, explain that you’re a virgin and have a little fun. She may even teach you a few things so that when you actually find someone, it’s not a big deal and you’re also not just fumbling about down there.
Good luck and be happy.