A friend of mine was undergoing some tough times last year so I let him move in our outhouse for 3 weeks before he could secure new accommodations. It was during that time my wife and he kissed and made out while my wife was topless. He moved out after 3 weeks and I was none the wiser. He left our city after some time and moved away, and was planning to come visit us next month so me being the dumbass offered to host him. It was only then she confessed to cheating because he was asking to take it one step further during his visit. He was joking about how she should do what he says or else he would tell me. Thats when she finally confessed. According to her it only happened one time and she was fairly drunk but she put an end to it when he was trying to put his hands in her pants (it was in the messages that he wanted to see what the downstairs looked like).
I am at a loss here, is it a divorce worthy offence? We have a very happy married life, so please help me.
Sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my first language.
25 comments
Personally i think it is a worthy offence. Sounds like she only told you because someone else threatened to which is not exactly honesty.
Really only you can decide if it is worth saving. But if it is, I would recommend some sort of couples counselling.
Very worthy. It is one thing to cheat, but when you don’t confess what you did or seem truly remorseful, there is no hope. That fact that she hid this and didn’t tell you until he was going to blackmail her essentially, makes her a bad person.
Sorry bro that’s a tough Situation. It is a divorce level of offense but if you want to stay and salvage your relationship then give it your all. Some counsel should help. This all really boils down to you though, are you going to be able to trust her again? She can try making up for it for the rest of her life but will you ever trust her again? That’s the question you need to ask yourself and then go from there. Good luck bro.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from Reddit, it’s that anyone you let move into your home will betray you with your SO. It could be your parent, your sibling, a friend…
There’s no objective “divorce worthy offense” line that we can draw for you. Some people get divorced over things that seem frivolous to me personally. The fidelity and trust of the marriage would not be “frivolous” to me, but I hate to project my priorities and values onto a stranger.
My advice would be take your time and don’t feel rushed into a decision one way or the other. You say you have a happy married life together, so you may have strong reasons to want to stay. I think a lot of my advice would be based on how she reacts and what focus she puts on changing herself and attempting to rebuild your trust and respect. So you’d need more info than you can give me right now to make any firm recommendations.
I don’t think it often works to try reconciliation after infidelity. So generally I’d say this is a good stopping point for your relationship. The “easiest” time to split being now/soon. If you’re drawn to stay and she’s putting in all the work and not blame shifting on you or the relationship, maybe a reconciliation could work. It’s not impossible just unlikely imo. I think that tends to require the other person be both truly remorseful AND genuinely desiring to put in lots of work to change themself and rebuild the relationship. That burden has to be carried by the cheater. You can’t make them want to do it and even if they do you can’t force them to apply themselves and follow through. So I think if you try to reconcile you should try to be objectively observant if your partner has that ability and dedication or if the truth is you hope they do/can but aren’t confident. If you don’t have confidence the other person supremely wants it and is able to change, I think staying is probably just delaying the inevitable for both of you. While adding more pain and misery to a situation likely already drowning in them.
100% Valid, I will never take “I was drunk” as an excuse for cheating, unless you’re literally comatose and then sexually assaulted, you know exactly what you’re doing, alcohol brain fog or not.
Still, this is really for you to answer, can you forgive her?
P.S FUCK YOUR FRIEND
>is it a divorce worthy offence
The beauty of this question is you get to answer it, nobody else’s opinion matters.
Would you have considered it divorce worthy before it happened?
There is where your answer lies because if it is a yes, you know its divorce worthy
If she’s only coming clean because he’s blackmailing her then she may well have made out with other guys. She has the capacity to cheat on you, personally I’d let her go
That’s not a “wife” and “friend” but snakes who have stabbed you in the back. Idk why do you even care if they are exposed, they made their bed and now will face their consequences.
She only told you because she was worried he might first. Its over friend.
Sorry OP, for me, this is divorce worthy. When you marry someone you’re declaring a life long intention together. You need trust and loyalty to build a “forever” life together.
Your wife was disloyal, your wife actively chose to betray you.
You do not have a happy married life, if you did she wouldn’t have backstabbed you. There is nothing to suggest now that if other circumstances in the future arose she wouldn’t cheat on you again. She also actively lied to you for the entire time since it happened by not telling you the truth.
I am really sorry you’re going through this but for me I would be seeking a lawyer and working out my exit. Zero tolerance for cheaters, as selfish as it gets.
I have a zero tolerance for cheating so if I was you I’d be on the phone with a lawyer. But you do you, maybe even open the relationship, open relationships work for some people.
Invite him to your house then beat the shit out of him with an iron rod.
Well, that is clearly not a “very happy married life”. Is it divorce worthy? Yeah, I guess, but not for everyone. First and foremost, contact FORMER friend and tell them to NEVER contact you or your wife again and cut ALL ties with him. Also, he wasn’t joking, he was pressuring your wife to screw around. YOU must decide how to proceed with wife. Talk it out, find out why she would do that, and then determine YOUR best course of action. Make it crystal clear, ANY communication with this guy will result in the immediate termination of the relationship.
Yes divorce her. Cheaters always cheat
Dude they fucked. Adults don’t make out and the woman takes her top off, and that’s it.
Divorce her. You deserve better. She is trash.
Get a divorce but hide it from her
Hate to say this, but I’d guess this isn’t the first time she’s cheated on you. It’s just the only time she was forced to confess.
She done claimed by the streets sir
You decide what is divorce worthy in your relationship.
To me cheating with my friend is divorce worthy. Can you actually get past this?
She only told you because AP threatened to do it first. Which most likely means she is also downplaying what happened and is trickle truthing you.
It’s up to you what you do but if she was able to do this once nothing tells you she won’t do it again or she didn’t do it before.
If you have a happy married life then why was she topless and kissing him?
They had sex.
>I let him move in our outhouse
Why would he sleep in the shitter?