Me (20F) and my bf (22M) have been dating for 1.5 years. Things have been mostly great but there are times where I do miss the freedom of being single. I don’t mean sexually but more just getting to figure out who you are on your own. I’ve had a lot of self development over the last 1.5 years but I feel a lot of that has been influenced by my bf and sometimes I don’t really know who I am. My bfs dream (and reality in a few months) is to homestead and that sounds so fun to me but I also want to travel so badly and be alone for a little bit. I don’t want to lose him but I want to figure out who I am. How do people in long term relationships cope with this?
3 comments
Everyone has those thoughts. In 10 years are you gonna think the same way? Probably. It’s just how our brains work. If the relationship is fine, then keep it going.
You need to contemplate your decision. Couple’s that stay together for a long time need to grow and reinvent themselves and their relationship as they exist in a dynamic and changing life. They change in relationship to each other, themselves and the relationship.
Choosing more time alone won’t be right or wrong, just a different path, with different experiences and lessons on your journey.
When you’re old enough, being with someone for 50 years and seeing what that’s like, becomes a waning possibility, but you’ll do other things instead.
You may find yourself, 10 years from now with a settled life, thinking of travel again.
Have you considered just telling him you’re not quite ready to settle down yet, even though it’s a future you want?
I’d take a week or two, and work on this. Long walks, journal your thoughts and feelings about everything. Yoga, meditate, pray if that’s your thing. Talk to family and Friends about your feelings. Get advice from old people you love and respect, especially the ones that know you well and are wise.
I’ve been with my partner for about 11 years. Got together at the end of high school, obviously we both had a lot of growing up to do. I never understood people who saw their partners as an obstacle to grow and discover yourself.
It’s all a matter of discussion and compromise, really. When we were younger he was into extreme sports. I didn’t have any interest in that, let alone physical strength to do it. So he would go and spend X amount of time doing it while I was busy doing something else.
I wanted to travel and was more than happy to include him most of the time. Sometimes he went with me, sometimes I went alone. Other times I would just outright say “I want to travel to XYZ alone in this timeframe.” and I would in deed go. These days I travel solo or with my girlfriends while he works on his car, I’m home cooking when he’s out with friends.
Being together doesn’t mean spending every waking moment together. I think giving each other that space taught us respect, deepened out trust and ultimately allowed us to grow into adults we wanted to be.