Last week I was using an OLD app and matched with a girl, we spoke and seemed to have hit it off so I asked her out, she said “yeah sure:) we have to plan it! maybe today or tomorrow” at which point I said “alright, lets do it at 10 pm then”, she didn’t reply again, and I wrote at about 10 “I am assuming we’re not going out tonight then?”, she replied a bit later saying “oh sorry I went out with my friends, but lets meet tomorrow!”
Next day then I ask if 10 is okay again, she says yes and I ask if she’s okay with going to X place, no reply, at about 8 she confirms 10 is okay but says nothing about where we’re going, so I have to assume that we’re just going somewhere in the general area. 30 minutes to 10 I write and no reply, still decide to go to town and just hang around. As expected, 10 PM and there’s no reply at all so I just have dinner by myself and walk around the city.
At 11:30 she messages me saying “I am here now, ran into a friend, we’re looking for a nice bar, come join us!”
Of course I just wrote “you are almost 2 hours late and I’m already home” and unmatched.
Why the hell do people do this? Really, how difficult is it to just say “not interested” or talk clearly?
If you make plans with someone and don’t show up, you’re an asshole, no way around it.
4 comments
Well that girl is just rude and has no manners, either that or it’s a catfish planning to harm you. Either way you dodged a bullet. Not all women on online dating do this.
There should not have been a next day…. Unless she called you bawling her eyes out about something disturbingly tragic she could have texted you in advance and said I wanna go out with my friends to do AB and C because we haven’t done it in a while. She is inconsiderate. I used to not see this as a red flag when I first started dating but now I certainly do. You have to be pretty self absorbed to stand people up without an explanation the day of a date. When I’m no longer interested in a date I let men know before the day it comes so they aren’t wearing their nice shirt holding flowers waiting for me to text them back while I do fuck shit.
She just sounds like a flakey person tbf – the mistake you made was given her too much of your time and not treating your own time with respect, so why would she?
If you wrote her at 10pm (when you were supposed to be on a date), it shows you were still waiting on her even when she didn’t reply. So you’ve effectively communicated imo that you have completely put aside your evening for someone who hasn’t even confirmed it with you.
Same the next day as well, you’re writing her 30 mins before asking her if she is still coming, even though you both don’t know where you are supposed to be going. Second evening you’ve put aside for someone you’ve never met – it doesn’t communicate that you value your time, and if that is what you put across to people, they won’t value it either.
Going forward set a definite date as (an exact time and place), and confirm it again on the day (if you didn’t make it on the same day) – something like hey, looking forward to seeing you later, I’ve booked a table (or whatever you’re doing), so I’ll meet you inside at 10pm (or whatever time it is that you had planned to meet). I think doing that will lower your chances of this happening again.
If they give you something like ‘that should be okay but text me on the evening’, then just say that you’d love to meet up but how about you do it another time when you definitely know you’re free. And leave it at that. They’ll either usually say that they are free then for sure or they’ll say okay let’s reschedule for another time – in which case, you can say great, let me know a date that works for you and wait for them to get in touch (which usually either will or won’t depending on how interested they were). You can use this as an example when you don’t get given a definite answer (which happens sometimes), so again, may prevent your time being wasted.
Sounds like maybe she’s nervous and wanted a friend to tag along and make sure she was safe, probably had nobody available the first night and pretended to have bumped into someone while out the second night to excuse their presence. If you were non threatening in person maybe you’d have hit it off, but I don’t doubt the friend was there to “rescue” her if you turned out to be a weirdo. You have to read between the lines and put yourself in their shoes sometimes. It’s always easy to assume the most negative possibility you can dream of.