My boyfriend and I have been together over 4 years. We have a semi long distance relationship, meaning we drive 6 hours to see each other or a 3hr flight, and whenever we have an opportunity to visit, we do so.
When we first dated he was incredible, obviously the honeymoon stage (first 2 years). First time he came to visit for two weeks. Showed him around my area to potentially move in my area to be closer together. When he return to his home, he was totally different. Distant, cold, didn’t really care if I called him or not, he wasn’t like that. He visited multiple times and he was different in person too. So I noticed he changed and my insecurities began because of his drastic change. The pandemic hit, I worked from home and so did he. Therefor we video called a lot because we could not visit. During the lock down it was more apparent how he had changed.
It drove me to major insecurities that I’d insinuate that he wasnt into me anymore because we also stopped having constant intimacy (sex video calls).
I tried to talk to him about how he has changed but every time I did, he’d tell me I’m imagining things that he’s really happy, and nothing is wrong. It went on for about a year that we almost broke up. We had another conversation about the same matter, and I told him that he is not listening to me, he’s not acknowledging what I am telling him, all he always said was that I had an active imagination, telling me that I’m crazy, I’m so insecure, so after almost having a breakdown trying to make him listen he said he was going to try to change. He said “okay maybe you’re right maybe I have changed but not my feelings, and the way you act doesn’t help, accusing me of not being into you puts me down”. So now.. he recently got a new job, and he’s keeping me in the dark when i ask how his day went. He use to tell me everything about his old job, now that he haves a new one, he doesn’t tell me much. A woman from HR of his old job helped him get the new one, he supposedly forgets to tell me whenever he speaks to her and she has been calling him asking him about his day at his new job. He replies to her messages right away and hours go by without replying to mine claiming he is busy. He also tells her everything, and when I ask him about his day, he doesn’t tell me much. He is becoming more distant than he was, we had yet another conversation, and I said to him “if you aren’t happy with me and you think I’m a crazy woman, then break up with me, don’t lead me on” he never does it. But he has said that he’s getting tired of my roller coasters feeling and doubting him all the time. So I told him, I’m like that because you are not the same anymore. He dismisses me and tells me I’m annoying, he says it’s me, that the way that I am doesn’t make him want to be romantic with me. I’ve tried and tried to give it my all, but he doesn’t reciprocate.
I’m too blind to know what’s happening.
I need advice,
Why is he being like this and why won’t he break up with me if he’s lost interest?
Is their a way I can salvage any damage that I’ve done by doubting him and putting him down that he doesn’t do his part?
Short : I’m insecure because my boyfriend has changed, and doesn’t acknowledge he has changed, he says I’m annoying for trying to always communicate with him how he makes me feel unloved.