Hey guys! My girlfriend(21) and I(23) have been dating for a bit now and we’ve realized we really love each other. The problem arises when her parents are super duper religious and don’t really approve of her dating someone who isn’t Christian, which I am not. They gave her a big ol lecture about why it wouldn’t work with examples of couples that failed. Her sister also once pursued a relationship with someone who wasn’t Christian and that didn’t work out either. Now none of us wants to break up but we just don’t know what to do. We’ve talked about just pushing for this relationship, but she doesn’t know how long she’d be able to keep it up along with the added pressure from everything else she’s doing. We’ve decided that we would take a break to figure out what we really want, but was that the best decision? Are we just stalling at this point? I really want to fight this one out with her, but I don’t want to fuck up her relationship with her family. I’ve actually decided to start going to church for personal reasons and she thinks this could possibly sway her parents. Everything just seemed so perfect 🙁
TL;DR – we don’t know what to do with christian parents
13 comments
Why does her parents’ opinion matter this much? But also, what exactly is a break going to do? If she isnt willing to stand up for her own choices, you *will* breakup eventually.
>Her sister also once pursued a relationship with someone who wasn’t Christian and that didn’t work out either.
Probably because of her interfering, pushy, controlling parents. People don’t tend to want to stay with a supposed adult who lets their parents run their lives.
If she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you more than she wants her parents’ approval, then it won’t work. A break is worse than pointless. You might as well break up if that’s what you two are doing. If she wants to be with you, she will be. Her parents’ opinion on it is irrelevant unless they actually have power over her. Is she financially dependent on them? Are they threatening her? Or is she just unwilling to make her own decisions or is her own decision to not be with you?
This is really only an issue if she is very religious. Her parents *are* correct that a relationship will be a struggle when one person is very devout and the other person is not.
Also, if she’s afraid of her parents’ displeasure, that means her parents are going to be in your relationship more than what you will want. They’ll want to be involved in how you date, what you can do on dates, and where you can live if the relationship progresses, because she is going to want them pleased and happy.
Consider if your girlfriend is read for a relationship, if she’s unwilling to start asserting boundaries with her parents about who she is dating.
Thank you all. I’m just so numb to all this at this point. But maybe it was for the best that we broke up. Thank you.
I don’t think this is something you have a lot of say in, unfortunately. This is really between her and her parents. It sounds like she is willing to end the relationship if that is what makes them happy.
I absolutely don’t think you should start going to church and pretending to be a Christian to convince her parents that you’re okay. If you do stay together, you’ll need to keep that going for the rest of your life. “Super duper religious” doesn’t just mean church on Sunday – it means bible study on Wednesday, small group on Thursday, following their rules for eating and drinking, giving 10% of your income to the church, raising your kids within the church, and consulting god/her parents on every major life decision you ever make.
In 2 Corinthians 6:14 the Apostle Paul wrote, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” This most certainly applies to marriage. So this is easily why her parents do not support her relationship with you. I’d give it time but only if you are willing to at least continue going to church with her and see where it goes.
honestly, if she’s Christian and just loves you for you, then you’re lucky. Most Christian women will only date/marry men of the same faith becuase they’re looking for a religious leader in their home, somebody to pray for them, lead them in bible studies, take inititive in church activies, and most of all teach it to their kids in the future so they are saved and will go to Heavan with them. You not being Christian means she has to convert you, if she plans on seeing you in her afterlife, and not worry about you burning forever in a lake of fire. She’ll be in charge of praying and leading her family in something that most Christian men do in her life, and should be doing for her. She may be going to church without you and then worry about judgement from other christians, as iron sharpens iron and they’ll eventually confront her about your salvation… the list goes on and on man. i was 26 and accepted my salvation and my marriage got much better after that. i’m just giving you the highlights of expectations and things that any serious christian will hold you to.
This isn’t about religion per se. It’s about her parents. And while religion is the topic it could be about anything, like culture/race/politics, etc. In the end she has to decide how much of her life she is willing to revolve around them and their approval of what she does.
Because in a sense they are right. It won’t work out with someone that isn’t Christian. Not because interfaith can’t work but because they don’t want it to and she wants to do what they want.
So be real with her. Can she ever escape the need for approval from them and if not then really it was never perfect because she could never fully commit without approval.
Well, tell them that altho you are not a Christian most people believe in something higher. We didn’t come from monkeys. So tell them that you’re not sinless yet you may sin less by loving him. I don’t due organized religion. I was raised in it. Yet I got out. I believe in God Source yet organized religion is a cult. 💖💕
personally i don’t think it’s the parents decision at all. they don’t need to force religion on someone or their kids. i hate when parents do this.
Well… my cousin had this problem. He got baptized and all and was able to marry her. They have two wonderful children now. We all have opinions on it, but in the end, it was his choice and he wanted her. Love is always a gamble but it can work out.
You say she’s “not a serious Christian”, but that just proves that she’s willing to put on a performance to please her strict parents, and — if you want to be with her _and_ she isn’t willing to stand up to her parents — she will ask that you do the same.
>Her sister also once pursued a relationship with someone who wasn’t Christian and that didn’t work out either.
That could’ve happened for a number of reasons beside religion, of course.
If she isn’t able to stand up to her parents — which is NOT equivalent to severing ties and never speaking to them again! — then they will be governing her life. Any decision that she will have to make will go through them first, including marital problems. “Super duper religious” people tend to want to insert themselves into their children’s lives, including dictating what is and isn’t “appropriate” to do in the marital home, as well as how children “should” be raised.
And like others have said: don’t convert just to please her parents.
Basically: if she isn’t willing to stand up for herself and for you, you’ll either have to break up or resign yourself to living a life scrutinized by her parents.