I started dating a great man, who recently opened up to me on his very traumatic childhood. His mother was both physical and emotionally abusive, she has severe mental problems and was in and out of his life growing up, and his father had a tragic death. I can see he has been working on his emotional healing, but stil I want to help him feel better, or at the very least, not trigger any bad emotions.
So my question is for those of you who unfortunately had to endure a traumatic, negletful childhood: Now as an adult, how could your SO possibly help you feel safer, or avoid triggering negative feelings?
Of course I understand therapy is key for healing, but I wonder what small details could a partner do to help.
Thank you!
2 comments
Hi. You sound like a wonderful person. I had a pretty emotionally abusive childhood and am 26 years old and still coming to terms with it. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone, never had sex. Everyone is different but for me, just feeling comfortable and safe in my own skin would be the most important part of dating anyone. I am incredibly insecure about everything and have really low self esteem and sometimes that makes me act is bad ways toward other people, but that’s not about the other person, it’s about me and my own problems. So patience and understanding would have to be a major part of dating me, at least. 🙂
They say that a negative comment can be worth like 10 positive comments so if I were you I would try to remind him of positive things you like about him, give him compliments and maybe hugs and cuddles if he’s okay with that. It doesn’t matter if he already knows he’s handsome or whatever, it’s a out making him FEEL handsome or smart or whatever to counteract the years of being made to feel lesser.