I’m (25M) having a really great gf (24F) and most things go well so far (almost a year in). But I could identify one little big thing that really bothers me everytime it’s happening: When my gf goes out at bars to meet one particular dude with shady morals from time to time.
I do believe her when she tells me it’s only platonical from her side of things any more and they just meet to talk about old times and current life events mostly (since they know each other for a few years now, before and after they had sex). Still this habit of her meeting this person REALLY bothers me and kind of gives me anxiety.
I’ve already talked about it with her and told her I’m not feeling good when she meets him. She told me she understands me, cares for my emotional well-being but her staying in contact with said dude is out of question because it’s one of her boundaries not to cancel friendships with old friends (even those who she slept with).
So yeah, how to I proceed from here? What do I do? Is her habit a red flag in your opinion? Am I being childish for basically wanting to end these meetings even tho I’ve never actually told her (just told her it makes me feel bad)? Is this an issue I’d have to solve in therapy? I’d love to hear your opinions on that case!
7 comments
Did you not get the answers you were looking for when you posted this in another sub 38 days ago?
Are you in a monogamous relationship?
If so it’s completely a red flag. Just walk. Don’t explain it to her, don’t break up with her. Just pack your or her shit up and roll.
It may seem scary or difficult or whatever but once you start, it will feel much better. You deserve more respect than that.
Looking at your post history you seem to have a lot of anxiety about your girlfriend’s behavior. You don’t want your girlfriend to go out drinking, smoke cigarettes, or see her ex because these things make you anxious. Why do these things make you anxious? Do you not trust her? And if you don’t, why? Has she given you reason to not trust her? Or do you have an anxiety disorder and need professional help, which Reddit can’t provide!
Well she set her boundaries and now you have to set yours. If you can’t compromise I suggest leaving
Find someone who has a lifestyle that dovetails better with yours and does not trigger your anxiety to this degree. She might be doing all kinds of things, but on the other hand she might be doing nothing of the sort. Either way, your anxiety is going to keep eating at you and your codependency is going to push all the wrong buttons and things will go off the rails.
Personally I’d just leave fuck that lol. Plus everything else in other posts I couldn’t deal with it I’m gone I’m not playing games. Many women know how to lie and manipulate and sleep around so I always assume the worst and have a hard time trusting people and am probably a little jaded lol.
Personally it would not only be a huge red flag but also a dealbreaker to me, and it’s my boundary not to cross.
You need to ask yourself a few questions, deep inside is it acceptable for you that she meets her ex? Does it give you anxiety? Are you able to do it in long term relationships?
Then you need to sit her down and ask if it’s you meeting regularly with your ex, would she be ok with it. There is no right or wrong, some couples are in non-monogamy relationship and they happy with each other.
Consider leave if she doesn’t want to comprise, if you stay in this relationship it will mess with your mental health badly, find someone who has similar values to you, have clear cut with ex and move on with life!