I want to make new friends at school but I don’t know how
I’m a senior in high school and I cannot make a friend even if my life depended on it. I have zero social skills and i’m not even exaggerating this. I have like 3 friend at school but I hate being around them, it’s mentally exhausting. I’d love to make new friends at school but the problem is I don’t know how to go about this because everyone has already formed their friend groups so I can’t just suddenly go up to them to talk.
I have social anxiety so when I talk to anyone I assume they think i’m weird or something. I can’t be alone either because my current “friends” will bug me about it. By the way, i’m not even close to the friends i’m talking about. I had 1 friend going into high school but she moved schools a few years ago so I was stuck with a group of people that I hate talking to.
How can I make new friends? That question probably sounds dumb but I was bullied a lot in primary school and now I can’t have a proper conversation with anyone without assuming they think i’m annoying. I’m interested in books and fashion but I don’t know how to go about making friends. I have 2 years left of school and I don’t want to waste them talking to unsupportive friends but I feel like everyone in my class sees me a quiet kid and not a confident person.
3 comments
I also have bad social anxiety and honestly the only way I overcome this was by pushing myself and taking risks.
I always used to hate talking to people because I’d think I was being annoying or weird and if im being honest I still regularly believe that. But the key is to try get yourself an “idgaf” attitude which i will say is DEFINITELY easier said than done. It took me ages to even start not giving a f*ck about little things and to this day I still haven’t mastered it but I will say I have improved a lot with my social skills by using the “idgaf” method. I know for me personally before I talk to someone I always think of the worst possible outcome that could happen which is where the “idgaf” method came and helped me. Now of course sometimes not every conversation or social interaction will go as you planned and you may even feel sh*t about it after, but you need to remember this, it’s not going to matter in 5 years time therefore it’s not important to worry about or stress over. I find also when I’m in an awkward situation I have no idea what I should say and my brain just freezes, not sure if you can relate but I find it’s a common thing among people with social anxiety.
Here is some advice I want to give you.
1. Get a notepad and Each week, set yourself a social goal.
eg; compliment someone, create small talk.
You can even set yourself goals for specific people you want to socialise with
2. When taking risks such as talking to someone new, keep saying to yourself “ this is going to go good”.
I know it sounds silly and I thought it did before I tried it aswell but it does help to be more calm when talking to people and you’ll be more relaxed and the conversation will feel more natural.
3. Remember that social anxiety is a MENTAL disorder, it’s all in your head. A lot of the things your worrying about is all in your head.
4. Take every opportunity you get to talk to someone. No matter if you like the person or not, the more you socialise the easier it will get and you’ll find it easier to make friends as you get older.
5. It helps if you have some of your classmates on social media, and replying to peoples posts and stories will help, just don’t be too over the top when you first start out talking to someone. If you find someone seems interested in messaging back to you, keep the conversation going and don’t be dry. But if you notice they don’t seem that interested in talking to you then that’s ok! It’s not always personal just remember that.
6. You can also seek professional help if you haven’t already. Talk therapy is good, to be fair I always dreaded going to see a psychologist but they really did help me so I do recommend going and seeing one.
I hope you get something out of my advice and just know your not alone and sooo many people struggle with the exact same thing you do. Just remember sometimes you have to push yourself outside your comfort zone and it will get easier the more you do it. I wish you luck:)
The trick is: don’t try to make friends.
Just try to have nice conversation here and now.
If all is said, leave the conversation.
Over time you know the people better and they know you better. And then you eg meet outside in of school for something and so on.
Genuinely connect with people you see in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.