People who have been married more than once, what ended your first marriage and how did you meet your current spouse?

11 comments

1. My ex-husband announced he was unhappy in our marriage, didn’t want to be married anymore, and he moved out. I found out later he was cheating. Looking back, we were terrible partners to and for one another. He needed far more attention, admiration and care – and I needed an equal partner who would not only appreciate me, but support and encourage me.

   I love my husband’s honesty. I love his kindness. I love his growth-mindset. I love his sense of humor. He is so easy and fun to be with. We share so many commonalities. He’s emotionally available. He’s vulnerable. He has this wicked little grin with one eye brow raised that still gives me butterflies. He’s a fun, generous, and appreciative lover. He’s reliable. He keeps his promises. He asks for and accepts help. He’s wicked intelligent. He takes care of himself. He takes care of me. He’s a present, available and loving step-dad, step-father-in-law and “Pop!” He’s confident and secure. He’s a great friend.

2. First:
   I was 19 and naive. He was abusive. I stayed six years because I didn’t want to fail. He literally tried to take my life, and I realized dying was not only being a failure, it was stupid.

   Second: I left. Happily single, no interest in dating or a relationship. Joke was on me with that.

   There was a guy at work. We went out with a group of friends. And we kept going out.

   And… three weeks later I was engaged. And three months later I was married.

   Here I am, 29 glorious years later. We met, we married, we had a baby within 18 months.

   There really is hope and healing and decent guys out there.

   Good luck!

3. I am on my 3rd marriage. The first 2 two ended because of abuse. I finally woke up and realized I needed a nice guy that treated me the way I deserved to be loved. He loves me unconditionally. Sadly not something I have experienced before. We are in our early 60s, met in middle school, remained friends and started dating 10 years ago. We got married during the pandemic. He is the love of my life.

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5. My first husband and I married because I got pregnant. We only knew each other about 3 months and I was very young(21). He was extremely controlling. He cut off all of my friends and family, I wasn’t allowed to do anything with my appearance (cut hair, put on make up,etc) and he couldn’t hold down a job. We moved a lot to different states. It was a horrible relationship and we weren’t good for each other. Luckily the divorce was pretty easy. We both knew this wasn’t right. He did try to love bomb me but it didn’t work, I was done.

   My husband now is amazing. He’s so patient and understanding. He encourages me to try new things and he was my biggest fan when I went back to school and got my bachelors degree. He stood by me with my alcoholism and helped me, help me. I don’t know what I would have done without him while I was trying so hard to get sober. I give him my AA coin every year on my anniversary because he deserves to be recognized, appreciated and to know I could not have done it without him. He has quite the collection now:) That’s just one of the many things that make my husband amazing. I could go on, but this is getting long. There’s always hope my friend. You’ll be ok!

6. My first marriage ended bc I never got over him cheating on me while I was 9 months pregnant. Blamed it on not getting enough attention even though we were still highly sexually active we were engaged at the time, then he blamed it on being addicted to porn and masturbating and needing help. It was just a huge wall falling over of shit I was not expecting but I was about to give birth and 22 years old and I wanted to at least try and make a family work for my daughter. I tried and I just never was in love with him again. I tried for four years. And it was four years too long.

   I met my current husband on a dating app. He was so sweet and sincere in his words and actions. He made me feel safe and loved. He stepped up to be a father to my son. We have almost been together three years now and have an 8 month old son. I never doubt for a moment that he doesn’t love me.

7. What ended my first marriage? I grew tired of his abuse and I left him. He was also a cheater. We were married for 24 years total. He is a narcissist, and I just finally could not take another moment of his disrespect, his temper, or his acting like the only thing that mattered was HIM.

   How did I meet my current spouse? He was my best friend in high school and a couple of years afterwards. We lost touch when he went into the army. This was LONG before social media. I found him on Facebook during the meltdown of both of our 20+ year marriages and quickly became friends again. 6 months after my separation from my ex (10 months after his separation from HIS ex), we started dating.

   What made me fall in love with him? We are best friends, and there is no one who understands me like he does. He is kind, tender, giving, intelligent, and there are fireworks in bed. (not literally. Don’t wanna burn the house down, ya know.) Honestly, if we both hadn’t been such chickens way back when, afraid of being rejected by the other, we’d have probably been together then.

8. I’m still married to my first wife (or as she sometimes calls herself my starter wife) but both my parents divorced and both remarried. The new marriages lasted (my mom’s for decades until her death in 2006, my dad still happily with the same woman for over 30 years at the age of 92). It wasn’t that either was bad, it was just that they were a bad match for each other.

9. 1. First marriage ended because my ex left the marriage emotionally. This recent post just about described our situation (But no children)

   https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/vf3ozj/married_10_years/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

   2. Short version: did online dating on and off for 7 years. Pretty much gave up on the goal of having a long-term relationship or marriage, and trying to just live my best life solo. But kept my options open. One day I was flipping through Tinder, made a match with a guy who seemed nice. We met up the next day. . .fast forward to now, most happily married. We both feel so LUCKY to have met each other.

   In retrospect, I think the trick of dating is to realize it’s a numbers game. You need to keep meeting people untill you find the right one. And it’s a tricky balance between being choosy enough to not get stuck with someone who is a poor match to you, but at the same time being open-minded /hearted enough to recognize the person who is the one for you.

10. I married my high school sweetheart and after our second child was born, I felt like he’d been acting off for months. Discovered one night he had been talking to someone late at night behind my back and was also on a LOCAL Facebook sex group. After confronting him, he decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. Found out he had been having an affair for months, and he married her before the ink was dry on our divorce. Turns out, he also cheated on me while I was pregnant as well (with a different woman).

    Spent 2 years single, learned a lot about myself, and what my role was in the dissolution of our marriage. I realized I was mostly scared of the unknown. Deep down I knew he wasn’t a good or present husband but he was all I knew.

    Met my current husband and married after 4 months. We’ve been married 3 years now and it’s better than my first marriage ever was. He’s my best friend, and is everything I could hope for in a partner. While I’m not happy about my ex’s affair partner being my children’s stepmother, I’m *almost* grateful to her because I’m so much happier with my life now.

11. First marriage: She put a gun to my head and after talking her down I shagged ass out of dodge.

    Current marriage: Meet at my old job. We love each other but have our issues. Obviously nothing as serious as having a gun put to your head. 🙂