My girlfriend (20 F) is mad at me (20 M) for going on family vacation for a week without her, how to solve?
We have been dating for 3 years.
My family booked a vacation that is strictly a family vacation. My gf and I went on a nice 2 week long vacation together earlier this year and I told her this next vacation is specifically for my family and I.
She is upset with me and is upset whenever I go away with my family which is only once a year so this is the 3rd time since we began dating.
How should I go about talking this over?
I’ve explained this has nothing to do with her and my family just wants to bond and enjoy each others company but she constantly brings it up, and gets angry and I’m not sure how to approach this. It is becoming a recurring problem and makes me feel like I’m being controlled and feel as if I can’t go away with my family without issues.
Additionally, I told her to make her own trip somewhere with her family or friends and offered to help plan it out and find good deals on flights but she said she can’t afford it and stayed angry and blames me for not forcing my family to invite her.
I understand where she is coming from to an extent but at the same time I feel my parents should have the right to want to go away with me and my siblings before I’m back to college and don’t see them for 4 months.
Any advice is appreciated!
TLDR: gf is mad I’m going on a family vacation and always gets mad if she isn’t involved.
31 comments
“This trip is not negotiable. I am allowed to do things without you, just like you are allowed to do stuff without me. I’m not discussing this anymore.” The end. Shut it down. She has no right to be mad or try to badger you about it.
There’s nothing to talk over. If she can’t handle the idea of you being on holiday with your family once a year, she shouldn’t be dating you.
Do you even know what the issue is? Is it that you’re going to be apart? Or that she wants to go but wasn’t invited, so she’s pouting over that? Or something else entirely?
Tell her if she wants to come she has to marry you. Propose and take her to spend time with your family. Dont joke about it. If you dont want to marry her yet, or ever: shes being immature and manipulative and you can get used to it if you keep her around. Spending time with family on a vacation while in a young 20s relationship is perfectly reasonable.
Has she been on a vacation with your family at all?
Dump her would be how I would solve that one.
You feel controlled because what she’s doing is controlling. I wasted years of my life in a relationship like this. The best thing I did was leave him. It sounds like you’ve tried all you can explaining to her (not that you even need to).
I am married but when my husband and I were dating he would never have gone on a vacation without me being invited. Family or not. I think an exception would be an all guys vacation with friends or a bachelor party weekend. What you and your family are doing to her is very hurtful and unkind and making her feel unwanted!
There‘s nothing to solve here. She has to deal with it.
Find a new, less clingy, less insecure girlfriend
I could understand if you were both in your 30s and had been dating seriously for a long time and you had siblings with partners who were invited so she felt excluded, but that’s not at all what’s happening here. At only 20 years old, it’s completely understandable that your family would want to have vacations with you and your siblings only before you all go off to college. You’re still their kids to them and they want to cherish that, and she should be happy for you to have that great of a family dynamic. You deserve to spend time with your parents and loved ones without being guilted for it.
It’s really not a big deal and is concerning that you’re not allowed to have any autonomy here, not even for one week a year.
And she’s been mad every year, so even when you were 17 she was still mad you went on vacation with your family? Does she not trust you to be out of her sight or is she mad about not being invited?
Actually, the reason doesn’t even matter honestly, it’s controlling regardless of her reasons and she needs to respect that not everything can be about her all of the time.
If she can’t learn to be alone and entertain herself, she’s going to be miserable in any relationship. Tell her this isn’t negotiable, you’re allowed to see your family and it has nothing to do with her and it’s selfish for her to try to out herself at the center of this. You make time for her in plenty of other ways, she can spare you one week to be with family.
Haha . nothing much can be done .they are tend to feel that way
I’d start looking for a new gf. She’s 20, not 2.
She’s immature and insecure. She needs to get over it and realize that you spending time with your family has nothing to do with your feelings about her. She also needs to go do things solo or with her family as you suggested.
Signed, someone who used to be a bit like this and got the fuck over it.
INFO: Does your family like her? Are there other SIL/BILs coming? Are there other “family only activities” throughout the year, besides the annual vacation?
Let her be upset. This isn’t your problem.
If I was op I’d check my house for hidden cameras o.o
This vacation is for I?
Tell her that this is non-negotiable.
Tell her that this is a family trip.
If she brings it up, just say that you’re not going to talk about it.
Yes, you are being controlled.
Is she really this insecure any other time?
I remember a long time ago, at the same age as you guys when my (then) bf had a family trip with JUST FAMILY for 2 weeks, p.s. his parents LOVED me and they usually would invite for dinner/lunch. Very sweet people. Do you know what I did? I sincerely said, “Enjoy your trip, hon! I hope you guys have fun!!” Then I drove them to the airport and told them that I’d see them later after they got back in town.
That’s IT. He kept in touch by calling once every few days, but that’s about it. It’s summertime, they just wanted to have family time…Your gf is rather insecure and controlling, tb.
I’ve been the gf here. I was upset because my then-boyfriends siblings specifically said “don’t invite your gf”, then once they decided to invite their partners they said to my then-boyfriend, “you can go head and invite your gf.” I thought it was weird and singling me out. I didn’t react like your girlfriend but my feelings were definitely hurt
I can see where she’s coming from and it’s slightly controlling. She wants to be seen as family and doesn’t understand why she’s not being invited. Talk it out and ask why shes upset. This is a family event, if/when you get married, she’ll likely get to come along?
🚩 honestly you dump her because god forbid you get her pregnant. This behavior will get worse and extend to other things. You need to draw a clear boundary now and she will ether accept it or leave. It’s literally a 1 week family vacation.
I dunno, if I had been dating a guy for three years I would want to start be included in some family things. Otherwise I’d feel like his family didn’t approve or had some other problem with me. Partners become family after a while
Idk. Imo i thino after 3 years, id want to start beint included. Partners become family after awhile sk i get her side. Oof.
Yeah I have to agree with the other commenters. If she is not coming around on this issue I don’t think she’s the girl for you because this is frankly unacceptable behavior. You are allowed to do things and go places with your family and you are allowed to have fun and a life without her.
That’s a huge red flag.
She seems controlling from what I’m reading, OP. You’ve already done your part in communicating with her, she needs to understand to respect boundaries and that you two don’t always have to do things together. If she continues to show/express her anger towards you going on a vacation with your family, it’s just gonna make the relationship between your family and her worse.
If she doesn’t understand that and continue to control who you should and shouldn’t hang out with just because she’s not there, I would say that is a red flag. If you don’t end things now or make her understand your boundaries, it’s just gonna get worse. It is clear that she has issues with her insecurities, she needs to know and understand that so that she can correct herself and make the relationship better.
My (f) family planned a vacation without my now-wife. I was insanely unhappy and let them know. I offered to get another plane ticket for her, was told no.
I skipped out on all other “family” outings because my then-gf/now-wife wasn’t being respected.
Sounds to me like maybe you don’t see her as having long-term qualities. Maybe cut her loose until you can respect her?
Sounds like there may be a class/money issue as well. Maybe you’re from a higher class than her. That will cause issues if neither of you chooses to see it and compromise
She wants to be included in your life and your family as a family member. If you don’t want that for her too it’s insanely unfair to string her along.
She’s bad news bro. If she doesn’t turn a new leaf, you better be careful with your future.
Do you want to live your life with someone this codependent and controlling?
As a mom of 2 twenty-somethings, I treasure every family vacation we take because I don’t know if that will be the last one. I’d bet your parents feel the same.
While I understand why your gf is upset, you two are not married. It would be vastly different if you were and your parents invited you and not your wife. Her constant haranguing about it IS controlling and you’re right . . . you *should* be able to go away with your family without issues. If she continues to basically bully you, you should seriously consider whether or not she’s someone you want in your life.
Go on the trip, post lots of pics of you and your family, make her jealous.
This is not a girl to marry as she wants to come between you and your family. Find a new girl.