I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, we have been dating for 6 months now. However, I can’t help but feel weird about his relationship with anime and hentai. From the start, I knew he liked anime and that’s one of the reasons we became close, however, now that I’m getting closer to him, I can’t help but realize how much of a bigger sexual role anime plays in his life. For context, he has been watching anime and consuming hentai and animated erotica for some years now, and he has a favorite anime girl that he is dedicated to. His whole room is full of posters of her, always buys anything he can get that is related to her, figures, pillows… Everything. He also had a massive collection of porn and erotica related to her (including erotic cosplays) that he had been saving for some time and used to pleasure himself. After we started dating, he noticed that that made me uncomfortable so he tried to stop consuming it as much, he stopped using naked anime girls as wallpapers (he had them everywhere) but there are still pictures that he cannot get unnattached to (he has told me this). He used to refer to this specific anime character as his waifu and he has told me how he used to feel happy when people told him jokingly that she was his girlfriend. He also cannot bear the idea of living in a room that is not filled with his posters, and he has made this very clear to me, which disheartens me a little when i think about the possibility of living together. I know that he has tried to reduce his hentai consumption since we started dating, but I still feel weird about seeing all of the half naked posters in his room, seeing him obsess over everything that relates to this specific anime character and to animated porn. I don’t want him to just stop doing things he enjoys for me, but I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t prefer for this specific aspect to be either reduced or gone. Idk what to do or how to deal with this, because other than this, he is a very good partner.

49 comments

  1. I mean this a hobby and a kink, both of which are ok to a certain degree, so it doesn’t sound like he is necessarily doing anything “wrong”, but it clearly makes you uncomfortable. That means the best you can do is discuss it with him and try to get to the bottom of why it makes you uncomfortable and what can be done. there is surely something he can do to make things more comfortable for you, but he won’t know until you talk it through with him.

  2. I personally think this inordinate attachment to his anime waifu sounds disturbingly immature. It would be a deal-breaker for me, depending on how old he is. If you guys are under 21, then maybe he will grow out of it, but if not I would consider that a red flag because an adult should not be unable to bear living without a bunch of sexual posters up in their living space.

    If he has a kink, that’s cool, but it doesn’t need to be incorporated into the decor! It’s alarmingly juvenile in my opinion

  3. This would be a deal breaker for me. It’s so gross. Why even have a girlfriend when his hentai is more of a priority and he has a waifu? He’s made it clear to you his waifu addiction is more important than your feelings.

  7. A general rule for dating is: if it is a big part of their life and you can’t bear the thought of making it a big part of yours, than this is not the right long-term partner for you.

    This goes for attachments, kids, jobs, friends, hobbies, addictions, etc.

    Don’t date people expecting them to change in major ways for you.

  10. It sounds like an effect from porn addiction imo just from personal experience and learning about other women’s partners who have similar behaviours.

    This is a slippery slope and you probably wouldn’t be ready to see his hard drive.

    The thing is, if he doesn’t see any of this as a problem then it’s not going to change. It’s really that simple. And there’s the argument that one shouldn’t change a partner, too. But, ultimately this is unhealthy behaviour and obsessive.

  11. That is so weird. Just… gross. It’s anime, the character probably looks like a kid too.

    Like, come on OP. You can find a man who likes real women. You don’t have to put up with this lmao

  13. My ex was completely obsessed with anime to a point where we couldn’t talk about anything without it relating back to anime. He’s an ex for a reason.

  14. You already got advice from all the normal people so I will give my perspective as someone who is similar to your bf except not as obsessed, I would advice you break up with him. If his love of this character is a core part of his identity it means you to are very incompatible since you find this obsession uncomfortable.

    I suppose there is a chance you can “fix” this and have reduce his infatuation for this character. But I’m not entirely sure that would a good idea since I’m sure a tiny part of him will resent and I feel like you would feel bad regardless even if he doesn’t resent you. Idk I think this is up to you and him. It’s for him to decide just how important this character is to him and for you to decide whether you want to try to change someone.

  16. Sounds like a kink that’s taken over a bit. I’d say it’s ok as long as it’s not allencompassing, sounds like it definitely is. Sadly no matter how much you love someone there are some kinks or needs a partner may have that are just deal breakers. Have a serious talk about it not being compatible if it’s all over the room, maybe have a game room some things can be displayed but not all? This is definitely something that needs to be figured out before further movement in the relationship.

  20. Find info about the character or characters, take a look at their ages in their shows, if they are underage, run to the hills.

    If they’re like Kiss Shot from Monogatari, a character that looks like a 9yo but in the anime lore is a 500 year old vampire so is “not a child, stop running and take a plane to get as far as you can from him.

    And i am a weeb myself.

    I’m pretty sure that the character he calls his “waifu” is underage but he won’t think about it because “it’s an anime”.

  21. Don’t be his “waifool” and get out of there. People that deep into anime and hentai are rarely healthy people to be around

  24. I’m going to go against the grain and say you shouldn’t break up (yet).

    Set him down and talk to him. Start off by re-affirming your shared love of anime and that you care about him. Tell him that you feel like your are second place to this character and that you are not the kind of person that will compete for his attention (whether it is another person or a character.)

    Ask him if he can see a future where you are his top priority. Where you receive the love, attention, and priority that you deserve as a girlfriend. Make sure he understands this is not a rhetorical question, you don’t just want him to agree with you. He needs to seriously consider what he wants out of this relationship.

    Explain to him the limits that you have. Don’t come out all confrontational and make them sound like ultimatums (though they are). Explain to him that you have friends and family that you would not be able to sustain a relationship with them if you lived in a home plastered with waifu posters. Explain to him that you will not be competing with a girl who never ages.

    Tell him you know this passion is part of his personality and identity, you fell for him over this shared passion. But this passion is not leaving enough room for you in his life.

    Give him a set amount of time to think about it and plan what he can do in the future.

    You also need to decide what your acceptable boundaries are. Would you be comfortable with him decorating a room? a closet? a wall? Is there some way where you can mutually grow a shared passion adjacent to this waifu?

  25. Honestly, when my boyfriend (of 4 years now) and I started dating, he was almost the same way. It made me upset and jealous (because of the ungodly standards anime/hentai set for the female body. i.e. giant boobs/tiny waist/big butt) I started talking with him about it and how I feel insecure with him consuming so much hentai, and he would use it less or be more respectful about it while spending time with me. He barely ever watches hentai or looks at the pictures/drawings of anime girls anymore. Honestly communication is key, and if you cannot work it out then this relationship may not be the best for the both of you.

  26. if u love him try participating in his kinks/interests, id like to think he wants to project that onto you. Could lead to disaster or a great sex life!

  31. On this very emotional issue, there is no standard or default. For every woman who shrugs at this, another fumes. For every guy who rolls up his pinup girl and puts her away for his GF’s sake, another says “what’s the harm in it?” and keeps her on the wall.

    Bottom line: the woman who fumes is a poor match for the man who insists on keeping his display. Whether the man is lacking in consideration and empathy, or the woman is controlling and prudish, is beside the point.

  35. Well I have perfectly formed feelings about all this and I will sum them up by saying – fuck no.

  37. Anyone more invested in a fantasy world than real life is going to be a bad partner.

  38. I promise you, you have the ability to find a boyfriend who is just as handsome, just as good of a partner, and just as attentive to you, who also does not have an attachment to hentai in this way.

    It is not prudish to have a distaste for this. I don’t know why people give anime porn/hentai a pass, but if you met a person who had lewd images of male strippers in posters all over their walls and if their Lock Screen was a naked male with a wildly exaggerated bulge, you’d think they were a weirdo. Just because these images are animated does not make them less sexual. If a person publicly expressed that there were certain sexual images of, like, Danny Phantom they couldn’t get rid of because they were attached to them and they liked to think of that cartoon as their boyfriend, and that they have tried to stop their consumption of Danny Phantom porn but can’t, you’d likely suggest they get counseling. I don’t think you’d view this person as a “catch” regardless of their other qualities.

    Making a subcategory of porn a cornerstone of your personality, public persona, and interior design is not a desirable trait. It is off putting to you because the trait itself is indicative of a lack of social awareness and potential addiction

  39. You ever see the anime music video “Me Me Me”? Came out like 7 ish years ago. It’s sung through the perspective of a girlfriend to a guy kinda like your boyfriend. It’s heartbreaking to watch your partner be infatuated with anyone else, animated or not. Also consuming so much porn so often is bad for the brain.

  40. I’ll say talk to him about it. Communication is key and by the post doesn’t sound like you’ve properly communicated with him about how you feel about all this. You may also learn why he likes this stuff so much.

  42. This wouldnt work for me.

    This is a very 13 year old boy attitude to have.

    If he cannot detatch from fiction to have a real life relationship and sex life then he isnt ready for a real life relationship and sex life. He needs to work on that in his own time but you dont need to spoon feed him this. Look. Guys and girls can do as they like when theyre single. They can stick up naked photos etc. Bht in a relationship theres compromise and part of that is making sure your partner is comfortable. He doesnt have to totally stoo watching hentai. But if he is so obsessed with a fictional woman that he cannot appreciate his real one then he aint the one hun.

  44. Yea for me this is a hill to die on. If you like to be a second option then he s the right for you

  48. You did a big mistake posting this here. They will never understand you’re situation. From a anime addicted guy he seems perfectly fine. He’s addiction is not. And it’s seems he wants to get rid of himself for your sake. I think he would be able to with a little help of people around him. Nobody is perfect. People saying dump him are worse. Like what’s the reason for dumping him? He needs help. Best solution would be going to a psychiatrist to get over his addiction. Don’t take this asshole suggestions and don’t think of dumping him instance. Try to have better communication, he will definitely choose you over 2d girl. Anyway give me the sauce

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