Just some back story: I (F23) used to only have one (very close) friend, but that friendship ended. So now I’ve just been lonely and stuck with having no friends. I’ve been trying to put myself out there for the past 1-2 years.
I never had an instagram (that’s a whole other story as to why – has to do with a controlling, toxic family member). But now I decided to get one! (With some encouragement from my therapist lol)
The issue is, I have absolutely no friends. I have a few acquaintances I can follow, but none of them really know how bad my social life is, like its embarrassing for them to see how empty my instagram account is…
These days, I’ve been REALLY putting myself out there – Ive been going to social events, friendship making events, even putting myself on friendship-making apps. When you meet someone random at a social event, it feels weird (also unsafe) to just give out your phone number, so everyone’s default is just insta. One of the first things anyone asks is: “Whats your instagram?” And I’ve always been stuck awkwardly standing there while everyone exchanges social media accounts, and finds a way to stay in touch. So right now, it’s pretty important for me to have one 😬
The problem is, my instagram account is so pathetic-looking. I’ve had it for several weeks now. The reason it is so pathetic is because I have no friends, and very limited social life 🙁 I have no one to follow, and no one really follows me. I’m guessing it makes my account look fake? idk
For example; I went to an event last month. This was when my instagram was brand new, ( I have 0 followers, I follow like 10-20 random accounts of ppl, I have only 1 post which is a pic of my cat.) When I got to the event, things went well, a few of us in a group were all exchanging numbers. When I got home and I checked my instagram account, ALL but 2 of those people unfollowed me. I felt SO humiliated and ashamed and embarrassed. (btw, the other 2 also unfollowed me like a week later…).
Nothing else really explains why this has happened except for the fact that my account is totally dead/empty :/
I’m working to make my instagram account look less empty, but what do I do to get people to actually follow me back? WHO do I even follow? I have a few acquaintances, but I’m worried what they will think of me when they see that I finally made an instagram, and only have like 10 real life people to follow… It would sort of expose me of having a really poor social life.
​
Does anyone have any tips on anything that I should do? I feel SO stuck in this situation 🙁
I would appreciate any tips on making friends, or about making my instagram look better lol., or literally anything. I’m just really sad and lonely, (but hopeful!!!) And want to start having a more normal life, where I make new friends, and am social, and have an instagram
8 comments
If they wanted to be your friend, your history or instagram fees shouldn’t matter unless they are superficial
Why not just say you don’t have instagram and ask for their numbers?
As long as you keep feeling sad, people will notice and feel that vibe coming from you. People notice the way you carry yourself and the vibes you give off. When you are nervous/anxious/overthinking/worrying or feel sad about yourself, your verbal and nonverbal actions tend to show it. If you keep acting this way, people will stop associating with you because it’s a negative vibe. You are essentially conveying that you are unworthy to hold a conversation with them or be around them and that they need to be constantly reassuring you. That’s not what you want to convey, and it’s nobody else’s job but your own to validate and reassure yourself. People gravitate towards self confidence, not anxiety.
Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
As far as Instagram is concerned, if you want to use it and build a presence, you first need to genuinely connect with people in real life as I mentioned. Online interactions reflect offline interactions. Nobody is going to interact with you online unless they know and like you offline. The next thing you need to do is to occasionally post you doing a skill, talent, or hobby that you enjoy doing. People love to see those who do actual constructive real things in life. You’ll be likely to connect with people with similar interests and possibly build your fanbase. But don’t fall into the trap of posting for online attention or external validation. You need to validate yourself before posting.
I personally wouldn’t judge if my acquaintance or coworker added me from an account without much on it. I would assume the account is new. Maybe when you’re giving it to people, tell them that you just made the account, or put that it’s new / you’re just trying out insta in your bio. Or tell them that you don’t use social media too much before you give it, so they won’t expect much.
These are just suggestions to explain why your account has little followers, I suck at actually making good friends too.
If you do exchange instas with people, comment on their posts or reply to their stories if they are interesting/relatable/whatever. By keeping in contact, even with these little things, i think they would be less likely to unfollow, maybe it can even lead to a friendship.
I’ve known friends who still have 3 ancient pics on there insta after having it for 6 years. I’ve deleted and remade my insta so many times it sounds like yours.
Don’t worry about followers or putting loads of photos up. Nobody actually cares that you went to Italy or a festival 2 years ago… yano?
Maybe use snapchat or whatsapp instead as you said yourself you just want to use it to stay in touch with people and there’s no pressure to stay present on those apps.
For making friends try a new hobby every week maybe? I made friends at a ladies boxing class as there’s a lot of 1:1 activities so talking is a must.
I know this probably isn’t helpful but I know a lot of people who are really popular and social and still have almost empty insta accounts
Did you ever talk to those ppl after they followed you ?
Kinda in a similar situation here after losing my BFF (F21). You should be proud of yourself for taking initiatives :). It takes courage. Events are good but I think that a good way to make friends is also through group hobbies that you are seriously interested (sports, art, any community with similar interests), classes or part time jobs.
As for instagram, when I used to have one, there were some people who had lots of friends but barely had 20 followers/no profile or posted pic or selfie. There were people with 1000 followers but not rlly popular. Seriously it doesn’t matter and I think it’s weird if your Insta account followers/likes number matter that much to someone. Enjoy posting whatever inspire you and that represents you.
I know how hard it is to make friends in your 20’s, it feels so lonely and sad (yes, hella sad, I would give you a big hug) right now but I seriously wish you the best for the future. I hope you’ll find someone who has good chemistry with you.