My (M36) LDR boyfriend (M35) have been together for nearly a year, but we’ve been friends for 14 years. I will be moving closer to him soon so we’ll be able to see each other a lot more often. He recently told me that he has an issue with me having my dog sleeping on my bed. I knew he wasn’t a fan of that habit because the last time he came to visit, he asked me if we could try not having my dog sleep in the bed with us. I agreed, but my dog would eventually sneak her way into bed in the middle of the night but I would keep her on my side so she wouldn’t bother him.
Anyway, fast forward to present day, he tells me that when I move to my new apartment, it would be a good time to try to train her to stay off the bed since it’s a new place and hopefully it’ll be easier to train to stay off the bed in a new setting. He also gave me some reasons why he doesn’t like having my dog in the bed:
1. He likes to sleep nude and feels grossed out that he’s in bed naked with a dog and dogs aren’t exactly the cleanest.
2. Our beds our queen sizes which is fine for two people, but add the dog (she’s only like 30 pounds), he feels cramped.
3. He says that she’s a cock block. He says it’s hard to have spontaneous sexy times when there’s a dog in the bed that won’t leave or will hop back on if you kick her off or will claw at the door to try to get in the room.
4. We will obviously be going back and forth and staying at each other’s places with our dogs (he has one too), so he’s worried that my dog will just automatically get into his bed at his place and that’s a hard no for him.
I wasn’t too thrilled to hear this because it’ll be my apartment, my bed, and my dog, and if I want to have my dog sleep with me in my bed, that’s my business. We will NOT be living together, so I don’t think he has the right to tell me what to do with my dog. I can understand some of his reasons, but I’m just so used to cuddling/sleeping with my dog at night, and I don’t think it’s entirely fair that my dog gets kicked out of my bed. My boyfriend does have a dog of his own, and he does not allow him on the bed at all. Also, he treats my dog very well and loves her like his own so it’s not like he’s saying these things because he hates dogs or my dog. I feel very conflicted about what I should do. I feel like I’m having to decide between my dog and my boyfriend when it comes to bedtime! Any advice?
TL;DR: My boyfriend gave me reasons why he doesn’t want to have my dog sleep on the bed. I love having my dog on the bed, and I feel his request his unreasonable because it’s my dog and my bed. What should I do?
10 comments
DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN RIGHTS OVER YOUR DOG!!! Your dog was there first and it’s rude and even mean to siddenly take away not only your comfort but your dogs too.
He can wear pajamas at your place, and you can train the dog that the bed at his place is off limits, and that’s a perfectly reasonable compromise. You get to have your own rules for your own dog at your own place.
All his reasons sounds very reasonable and relationships are about compromise and this is a very easy one, yeah 100% just kick the dog out of the bedroom when he’s over there. The dog can handle it.
I let my dog sleep on my bed when I’m alone, but if I have a girl over I kick the dog out because yeah dogs are gigantic cockblocks, I don’t want to be having sex and have to hear my dog licking its asshole or whimpering or anything.
Dogs can be pretty dirty, despite their best intentions. I would not want to sleep with one.
IMO they do not belong on people furniture, they belong in their own bed.
I would train your dog to act like a dog, not a person, as he is politely suggesting.
If you don’t want to, then that seems reasonable (it is your dog after all), but having to sleep with a dog could also reasonably be a deal-breaker for someone.
Good luck!
I have trained my dog to never expect to be able to sleep on my bed. I did that precisely because I don’t want him to consider it “his” space and whine when I share it with naked guests. (I also don’t want to have to wash the damned duvet cover every week to keep the dog hair off.) Your boyfriend’s reasons sound reasonable, and moving to a new place will be a good opportunity to do it. You can still occasionally let doggy in to stay with you (mine does when there are fireworks and such) if you want.
Get the coziest doggy bed ever! You can compromise here. I love my pup too, but I love my dude more haha there is no pup in bed when we sleep
My ex’s dog was a big part of the reason I broke up with him. I hated sleeping in dog hair when I was at his house, and I’d have to sleep in literal dirt because the dog would track in mud from outside.
Additionally, it absolutely did ruin a lot of spontaneous sexy times, and I could never sleep through the night because the dog was always getting up, stepping on me, laying on me, or barking.
It’s your house and your dog and you can do what you want, but you might have to sacrifice your relationship over it.
I mean those are valid reasons.
My dog is also only about 30 pounds but he can take up quite a bit of space and it can be uncomfortable even on a king bed (I can only imagine how uncomfortable it’d be on a queen). We got him a little ottoman for the end of the bed and that’s “his bed” now.
We will occasionally let him sleep on the bed (really only when I know I’m gonna wash the sheets the next day) but he knows he can only come up when invited to.
You said you’re moving to him and not the other way around. Do you feel like you’re making a sacrifice that’s not being appreciated because of his demand around your doggo?
There are deeper issues than this I feel like. Surely you can do what you like in your space but I think you feel compromised a lot already. Perhaps ask him to do things that show sacrifices back?
Idk
He’s absolutely reasonable to request it, especially since you’ve acted open to accommodating him in the past (althought without actually doing it…). But it’s entirely your choice whether it’s reasonable for you. You want to feel justified in saying no. You can say no for any reason. But he’s also justified if he decides he can’t sleep with the dog. You may just not be compatible.