How do you manage with an SO who doesn’t remember anything you have said to them?

20 comments

1. Best you talk it out with them before things get worse.

   Don’t let your annoyance of them not remembering things build up until it turns into passive-aggressiveness or an outburst.

   Just let them know you don’t appreciate how they never remember anything you say. They may or may not take it well but it’s better to deal with it when it’s just a thorn rather than a full-on argument

2. Start sleeping with their friends.

3. I mean, it basically means he’s not listening to you at all and it’s a huge sign of disrespect. What’s the point of even being in a relationship with someone if you literally can’t communicate with each other?

4. That’s an indication of very low interest and I wouldn’t put myself in that position and encourage you not to either.

5. Is their forgetfulness due to a medical reason, or do they just not remember things even if you’ve told them to their face with their full attention?

6. Next time it happens, call them out on ot and tell them you need to feel like they listen to you

   If it keeps happening then eventually you gotta move on

7. Take them to the Dr and confirm it is not a medical issue.

   If it’s not a medical issue then get into couples therapy to address communication issues

   If they refuse to do both then dump them.

8. I am very bad at remembering things. Especially during times of work stress (end of the year).

   That’s why I keep many notes during the day. When someone tells me something I must remember, I write it down. We also have a whiteboard in the kitchen, easy to see.

   My wife also knows; if something is important, write it down on the whiteboard.

9. Lol I’m like this with my wife.

   Obviously I remember big things she tells me. But for small things, like what time she’s going into meetings at work, I have to ask her several times. 🤷‍♂️

10. I have the opposite problem. I remember everything, regardless of how insignificant it is, and without any effort (high functioning autism). It makes people uncomfortable and they mistake it for some kind of obsession with them.

11. You come to the realization that every word you ever said to them about things that were important, maybe intimate was a waste of time. They didn’t respect you enough to listen, or somehow lack the capacity.

12. I must admit that I have hard time remembering what my boyfriend tells me, at least on a detail level.

    I don’t know why that is. I usually remember quite well what my friends tell me. Sometimes I even remember what random, reoccurring customers have said about their lives.

    But when I’m with my boyfriend, I sometimes relax a bit too much and fall into the state of drowsiness. I feel that I don’t have to “work” so much as with other people.

13. I have an auditory processing disorder, so my wife has to repeat things sometimes or write it down for me. I don’t ignore her or intentionally not listen, but things just don’t click sometimes. But if she writes it down/texts me, I process it much better.

14. I’m the other side of the equation. I have a dreadful memory for names. My wife is very calm in helping me out.

    She also organizes the house so I’m constantly looking for things. She knows where they are all the time though so I don’t mind.

15. Send stuff to them that is via text, messenger, or email. Something with a papertrail. If it is something else, get a calendar and write down important dates. If it is groceries, have a list on your refrigerator.

16. Everyone here seems to have a great memory and stress-free life.

    I can hardly believe at least half of the comments and “solutions” here.

    What’s with taking the practical approach? Let SO keep a notebook on him, and put one or two whiteboards on the wall.

    If something is important; write it down. Or for the current generation; put a reminder in your phone.

17. they remember.

    They’re choosing not to remember because they refuse to be flexible and negotiate.

    and if that’s not the case, they need to get evaluated ASAP because they can quite literally have early signs of dementia or traumatic brain injury.

    those are really the only options. So you have to see which direction to help your SO if they don’t want to help themselves.

    Even if they don’t remember, why would the first impulse not be to work with you and ask you what took place during a period where they don’t remember/have black outs. why would they not want the information?

    if someone told you something in full detail, and they were genuinely emotional about it, and you had absolutely zero recall, wouldn’t the first emotion be fear? because there’s a profound gap in your memory? would you not try to do everything in your power to collect information to fill the gap? they’re not even interested in understanding why they have Memory relapses.

18. My parents are deaf! Somehow ..they manage to remember stuff.

    Where there is a will, there’s a way

    We’ll just have to agree to disagree here

    Happy weekend!

19. Fuck I dunno. My wife has near eidetic recall when it comes to conversations.

    Once I wrote down a conversation we had. Five years later she recited the conversation. A few words changed, but not very many. Less than 1 percent.

    It’s fucking creepy. Love my wife but still…. uncanny.

20. I’m more often the one not paying attention – often because I’m busy doing something else when they start talking to (or at) me.

    Half way through the conversation I might be thinking “That’s an odd way to start a conversation” or “Were you saying something?”