For reference, I am 18F with a 20M boyfriend and my first relationship ever and first for everything. He has never made me cum more than once (after I argued with him about how he never makes me cum). My question to you is, do you have to ask you partner to make you cum or be like hey I would like you to make me cum today, or do they just do it? I don’t even think he would suggest or care to make me cum unless I asked but I don’t feel that I should have to do that. The fact that I would have to ask him in order for him to do it just turns me off. Whether it be oral or sex, he has finished every time. For me, I have never had oral to completion (oral 5 times total from him to be honest and usually not unless we do 69 in other words both of us getting some not just me) and have never finished from sex. I don’t even know if it’s worth staying in the relationship at this point because I am sexually frustrated every time. We have never had sexy, intimate sex. It’s more so, bright ass lights on and kissing for 2 minutes before and then he finishes and we are done and he’s onto the next thing. I have talked to him before about how, while my other needs are met in the relationship like emotional and physical, my sexual needs are left empty. Yet, since that conversation has yet to make me cum and I’m not going to ask either seeing he said he would try. Is it worth giving sex another go with him? I would like to hear how your dynamic is in your relationships/with partners.
Edit: Greetings friends. We engaged in safe coitus this evening. I did not mention or ask to make me cum. Well surprise surprise we kiss for about 1 minute, he used his mouth on my punani for about 10 seconds and off to the races. Told him after he finished that I did not cum yet. “Really?! How close were you?” I said maybe 60% there. “Oh my gosh dang it!” Was his response and then we went to eat dinner. This was just to see if he miraculously would want to make me cum (I didn’t have expectations that he would so I wasn’t disappointed per say). During sex when he was about to “insert” I said I needed to be warmed up better by him since I was still tight down there. He pumped his finger in there about twice and that was it. He then mentioned a few minutes after sex that I don’t moan like some girls do. I reply “porn isn’t real life.” Due to the fact that he is basing his comment off of the porn he watches. He got offended because it’s true. I will discuss what I SPECIFICALLY want him to do regarding sex and making me cum and will give it one more go tomorrow.
Edit 2: Before bed last night I said I wanted to talk to him about our sex. Mentioned that he still hadn’t made me cum. Reminded him about the time he said he was going to make me cum first one time and kind of asked what happened to that promise? Told him I need more foreplay and it was hard to talk to him he hates talking about things like this for longer than 5 minutes so the topic switched quick. He said “I got you” as in he will try better next time (likely today) and apologized and that was the end of the conversation. For anyone confused on my “lack of communication” I have already told him several times what I need from sex on several occasions and in great depth.
39 comments
You should not have to ask. Enthusiasm for getting me off is a very very base requirement. You shouldn’t have to ask or remind them that you also need to orgasm.
That being said, young guys at your age do tend to be selfish. It sucks but it’s not uncommon.
Yuck. You need a new boyfriend, for real.
My husband makes me cum every time. I don’t ask, he makes sure I do.
Yeah he sounds selfish. Sex should always be about mutual pleasure, whatever that means to BOTH parties. You deserve a sexual partner who actively wants to please you, not get himself off rq and then f off.
Sex with my partner consistently involves both of us orgasming at least once. I usually have a few, so when *he’s* done there’s always a discussion about whether or not I am. If I’m not we continue with fingers, tongues or toys.
As a women , I’m sympathetic to the fact that in theory it’s easier for a man to cum during sex than a women , however sex should be about mutual satisfaction .
When my boyfriend and I started dating , although it took some practice for him to learn how to make me cum and lots of communication on both of our parts , it was super important to him eitherway that I was happy with our sex life . We spent the first 6 months of our relationship having a lot of average sex and spent hours talking to one another about said sex and how to make it better . We were 17/18 when we met so we weren’t very experienced yet as maybe you guys aren’t . Once he did learn how to make me cum , we both got off during sex and usually he was able to make me finish more than once just because of the nature of female sex organs compared to mens .
At the end of the day , sex should be about mutual satisfaction and that should not have to be communicated . That’s the whole point of having sex . He sounds selfish and immature honestly even for how young you guys are . I say press next girl , there’s tons of guys that will want to get you off .
Never, and I have not had to ask with anyone I previously dated.
I’ve initiated sex a bunch, and had to do that, but I don’t have to say “I want an orgasm”. That’s kind of a given
Bro wtf my bf usually can’t cum cause of meds but he LOVES making me cum. He always says seeing me do it satisfies him enough
All I see is women responses. My question for you is do you know how to make your self cum?. Honestly think he just doesn’t know how to make you cum. If he’s eating you out trust he is giving effort. Look give him theses directions . 1. Tell him to put a pillow under your back . 2 tell him to concentrate on licking and sucking the clit (show him where it is please). And I want him to rotate from eating to fucking you with arm under 🦵s . Trust this is gold
Will say this finding a man with a 🍌 curved shaped D will make you cum without effort
It’s like a mini game to me seeing how many times i can make my fiancé cum before she legit has to pull away from me. She will only cum once from PIV, but she can probably cum 4-5 times from clit play before she taps out.
I am usually told to stop. Too many Os
I’m men, and ask nearly every time, see no problem in asking itself.
First off, nobody is responsible for your orgasm except you. You need to make sure that you cum. If you need him to make you cum the onus is on you to ensure that happens. If you can’t make that happen then obviously changes are needed.
I am similar to a few people in here. I know as the male I usually only cum once, but I try to use foreplay, teasing and insertion with toys and fingers to make my wife cum 5-6 times before PIV. That way later I can use that as an excuse for BJs. I tell her she owes me a few thousand orgasms at this point lol
Ask?
I have always had a “your pleasure is my pleasure” attitude. Getting my partner off is like my prime directive. What could be better than a girl/woman that excitedly awaits sex with you?! Make her pleasure you #1 priority and you should never have a problem getting yours.
Is he doing any foreplay for you? Besides oral (and 69 doesn’t count!) or fingering?
Firstly, you said this is *your first for everything*. Do you mean you haven’t had sex with anyone else before? If so, do you know how to make yourself orgasm? I think this is absolutely essential so you know what it takes to get you to climax. It also makes it’s easier to instruct another person on what they need to do to you to get you to achieve orgasm.
Secondly, If you think it’s a lack of enthusiasm on his end and don’t feel it will ever get better (even with your instruction), and you’re also already contemplating breaking things off, that may be the best route.
I just know that anytime I’ve been with a partner, i know exactly how to get myself to climax even it means controlling the sexual situation (ie. I will get on top and do what I need to to get myself to orgasm). As long as my partner is enthusiastic and enjoying themselves too, this has worked well for me with almost every sex partner I’ve had.
Coming from someone who was in a relationship with someone very similar to this, it will not improve and I suggest you break up and move on.
The mere fact that you even have to ask him to care about your pleasure is a huge red flag. Someone who really cares about you will care about making you feel good and will make it a priority. This guy doesn’t value you and he only cares about himself.
This is your first romantic/sexual relationship which makes things a little more complex but if you take anything away from my comment just move on and don’t waste any more of your time on this dude because it won’t change. You are so young! I got in my first relationship when I was 20 and it was very similar to this after a few months. For whatever naive reason I stayed way longer than I should have.
Get out and have good, responsible fun and find someone who cares about your pleasure!
Buy him the book “She Comes First”. Even if the guy doesn’t read, he can get the gist from the title. No PIV to completion until you get yours first.
zero times and he doesn’t stop unless I had multiple that day. sometimes i get greedy and naughty and *ask for* one more before we go to sleep and i usually get at least one though usually multiple extra ones too. ^.^
I have decided in my relationship that everytime I cum I am going to tell my partner it is happening. I think because of unreal expectations that men develop from pornography they assume if you moan a little bit or rock your hips back and forth you are having an orgasm and they think you did enough.
Because men actually ejaculate there is no way for a women to just stop midway through without finishing he would actually COMPLAIN about getting blue balls; even though men do this to women ALL THE TIME.
Anyway I believe telling my boyfriend I am having an orgasm forces gives him to take some accountability, he can’t imagine I had an orgasm I really didn’t.
And also I make it clear in the beginning of my relationships everytime there is sexual contact of anyway I want an orgasm or everytime YOU want an orgasm you arent gonna get one until I do. At 1:1 ratio is bare minimum. When I have been in awesome relationships with alot of sexual chemistry the ratio was usually for every 30 orgasms I had he would have one because women have the ability to orgasm multiple times.
Two sexy adults who need to talk it out it goes deep down he’s not comfortable with himself takes years of self confidence and experience to get to where he wants to be. Baby steps. It all starts with making your girl cum. You have every right in your being to feel the way you do took me years to finally fucking snap. Now I make my woman cum 3x daily minimum.
I personally never have to ask, it’s always implied.
I don’t know about straight sex all that much, but I’ve been told that once the guy finishes, it’s done, that doesn’t sound like fun to me.
Maybe talk to him, see if he can get you to cum first through oral and clit stimulation, then go to the hidden sausage part
Problem seems to be he is getting his sex Ed from Porn which is nowhere near reality. You need to sit Jr down and have a heart to heart, ask questions like why do you only stay 20 sec eating me out. Why don’t you slow down during sex so ai can get mine too, that’s what a real partner would do for me. Be brutally honest. If he isn’t receptive it’s adios for Jr. Find someone who will. Just do yourself a favor and look for someone a little older. It’s a hard conversation to have but it needs to be done.
If he knows he isn’t making you cum and isn’t really trying.. then the writing is already on the wall….
A lazy lover in the beginning of a relationship will for a fact get lazier as the years go by….too many men out there worry about their own pleasure and women put up with this too much.
My personal feelings… if I don’t make my woman orgasm… I don’t feel good about myself.
Just to address your edit “This was just a test to see if he miraculously would want to make me cum”
Tests are relationship killers. Do not “test” him just be up front and honest and communicate! Adults should not be testing each other, seemingly expecting the other party to be a mind reader. Just tell him what you want clearly.
i don’t get it how so many men are this way i love to make my fiance cum even if i came first i just go down on her and do everything until she cums even if it means a second round for me sometimes.
“Porn isn’t real life” this made me lol
T
Too often. She lacks initiative. 🙁
Useless, inexperienced, uncaring, selfish guy. Your first experience of sex wasn’t great. Find someone who actually knows what they are doing.
You should not permit PIV unless you already orgasmed.
Sounds like you need a new man. Maybe tell him if he doesn’t up his game you will find someone who is up to par and banish him to no pussy land. Watch how fast he changes then.
I don’t think it is a bad idea to make some noises when he is going down! They don’t have to be over-the-top porn sounds, but giving him some indication that you’re into it and it makes you feel good can go a long way. I know it’s helpful for me to know when my partner is getting close so I don’t slow down or stop and leave them hanging!
But also, if you tell him you want to cum more often and he doesn’t deliver the goods, then… bye guy.
It sounds like he doesn’t care and won’t care. Men like this won’t change until something drastic happens. My advice is I wouldn’t engage in any activity until he acknowledges it’s and learns to warm you up to that 75% mark. Also I would recommend you both read together “She comes first” good book. Me and partner loved it.
my boyfriend automatically always tries to get me off before we have intercourse because it takes longer for me to orgasm. he succeeds around 90% of the time.
your boyfriend’s statistics are pathetic and he even seems to know that he is being a selfish lover but is willing to ignore it if you are
How about you get on top and make yourself cum, that’s what the guys are doing?
Girl, run.
My last relationship had me thinking orgasms weren’t possible at all for me unless I did it myself- turns out the dude was lazy and only cared about his sexual needs and that was that- I was frustrated, alone, (he cheated on me multiple times due to : sex addiction ✨), and honestly I was feeling annoyed.
Sexually I’m not the most advanced or even the best lover- but my goal is equal pleasure for everyone involved.
If I were you I would leave, I know that sounds Jurassic of a choice to make but a relevant one- you’ve had MULTIPLE conversations in which there is visibly ZERO effort. He doesn’t try to eat you out for longer or actually stimulate you- you asked for extra help and the dude stuck 2 fingers in you and thrusted maybe 2 times and then was like “yup that should’ve started the engines.”
He is unwilling to learn you or your preference – it doesn’t matter if I have to work at 4:30 am my boyfriend will keep me up for hrs if it means finishing what has been started. Because he loves and cares for me- shit there have been times where he’s cum too early and spent 60 minutes eating me out to completion without wanting to even fuck anymore- he just knew I hadn’t gotten there yet and wanted to make sure I did.
Imo you need someone who’s more caring towards your sexual preference and listens to you. Gl
Selfish prick leave him , too young let one boy cause you stress