Before reading, please no judgement whatsoever. You can take it somewhere else. Just a back story. We have been together for a little over 10 years. Anal was something we’ve done throughout our relationship. however I’ve grown to have a few health issues that anal became painful at times along with side effects from it. I tend to sleep hard, especially after a late night smoke. My fiancé in the past has had the consent to proceed sexually when I’m sleeping. He would sometimes go for anal, but I told him I’ve grown to no longer like it because of the pain due to my health issues. We had a few disagreements on my no longer wanting to do it, but came to an agreement he would only do it when I was awake and would give him consent. About a month or so ago I started feeling pains which were similar to the pain I would get from anal. We hadn’t had sex’s anal (to my knowledge) and one night I woke up to the anal sensation, but was still very groggy so gave myself a minute before I woke up. (I had suspicions he was entering anally but never had proof) so this time I allowed myself to wake up a bit more and to my suspicions, he was doing it anally. I awoke and argued. He blamed it on supposedly not knowing because it was dark. I set the boundary and come today a few months later I decided to look into his phone because we have some videos together and I found videos of him doing it anally while I was asleep. I was furious and HURT beyond belief. I’m also a SA survivor and this was extremely triggering for me. I of course yelled, screamed and cried. He said I was over reacting and that he “couldn’t help himself”. I don’t know what to say/think. I feel so violated and mortified. He’s made it clear if I leave him he’d kill himself. He’s v suicidal. He was scraping his neck with a knife in front of me. Grazing his arm with it saying “oh is this the spot”. I told him does he not see how toxic and abusive that it. He responded with “it’s my body, has nothing to do w you” . I love him and despite this we have a great relationship. I just don’t know what to do, he doesn’t understand me and I just feel I have no one to talk to .
42 comments
Run and don’t look back. He RAPED you. If he kills himself, that’s on him – not you
You relationship also isn’t great if he’s sexually and emotionally abusing you
Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy
He crossed a boundary you set AND HE AGREED TO.
Get out. If he threatens to off himself, call 911 and tell them he needs to be picked up for a psych hold as he is threatening self harm.
Your fiancé is raping you. This is a selfish man who doesn’t care about how you feel. He is manipulating you by threatening suicide and showing out. All of this is abuse and you should start making an exit plan. You don’t want to marry this man.
Sick fucker.
This is r*pe and abuse and allll kinds of wrong. Despite this, your relationship isn’t great, it’s toxic and he’s so comfortable taking advantage of you. You have plenty of people to talk to but you don’t want to hear that you need to leave. There is phone numbers to call and advocacy groups to help! Get those videos because he needs to go to prison! 10 years is a long time but don’t let that scare you into staying, RUN
He’s a piece of shit. He knew what he was doing. He has no respect for you.
Leave and don’t look back. He’s raping you repeatedly. No matter what your arrangement had been, he’s violating that agreement and he’s violating you. And on top of it he’s manipulating you and being beyond abusive mentally. You aren’t responsible for what he does after you leave him.
You need the break up with him, this is beyond repair. Break up and call the police so professionals will deal with his depression.
I could never trust someone who says “I couldn’t help myself” and sorry but it’s hard to believe that you have a great relationship. Good and healthy relationships don’t manipulate the other one and disrespect their boundaries.
You know what you have to do, you have the answer but for some reason you haven’t done anything.
So he raped you multiple times knowing you’re an abuse survivor?
Girl, leave. If he wants to unalive himself let him. One less rapist in the world.
You need to get out of there asap. He’s holding you hostage with the suicidal threat.
He was very clear he did not have consent. Consensual but stuff is fine. This was rape.
Kill him yourself.
For legal reasons, this is a joke.
He raped you. Period. Now he’s using a guilt trip through hell to save himself from the consequences. Phone the police, tell them your partner is suicidal because you want to leave. They will come and get him and you need to take that opportunity to RUN. This will only happen again, except he now will have permission to escalate his rape
This is emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. I know you don’t want to hear this but GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM. He is not a safe person.
There’s no way you have a great relationship with this person. I’m sure anything will look great in comparison to the repeated crimes committed on your unconscious body. You have to leave. Let him figure it out on his own. Whatever happens, the blame is not on you. Your safety is more important than what he decides to inflict on himself. He is a scumbag. Doesn’t matter how broken someone is, once they’re breaking you it’s time to go and never look back.
hes a rapist, let him be suicidal
I’m sorry. Your fiance knew what hole he was in. (I know that’s vulgar sorry) but that’s the OLDEST line in the book. Other than “sorry babe it slipped” you need to sit him down for a very serious consent talk.
I’m definitely judging. You need to get out of there. And I wouldn’t be nice about his threats of suicide either, but that’s just me.
He raped you and he filmed it! First, I would insist he delete all the videos in front of you – then I’d break up and call 911 on him for suicide prevention. He is utter scum, don’t allow yourself to be blackmailed by him, or your own feelings!
I’d look into pressing charges if I were you. Especially if he has videos of him assaulting you
Please go to the police and report SA. I’m so sorry
is this really your idea of a great relationship? if so, your standards are too low.
I’m not sure how being raped repeatedly equals a great relationship. Run and call law enforcement to let them know he’s threatened suicide.
That is rape. Husbands have hone to prison for this.
Id say pack a bag when he’s not home, work or something. Call the cops and explain he will hurt himself, when he’s almost home leave his ass. Whatever happens after that is his issue not yours.
I just want to offer you the biggest freaking hug right now. I’d be dizzy from trying to accept that my partner has been raping me if I were in your shoes. Someone said no way you have a good relationship – I agree. It doesn’t go from fine to rape to suicide if all things are truly fine. I’m just so sorry for what you’re feeling right now. Please don’t be embarrassed to confide in a trusted friend or family to help you through this emotionally and mentally. I’m here for you girl
Run. You are involved with a psychopath and are in imminent danger.
He understands he just decided he can do what he wants to you and get away with it despite the fact that it hurt you and you asked him not to
Then when you called him out he threatened to hurt himself to get you to back down. He will hurt you again if you stay because he already does and has recorded it so clearly he knows what he’s doing and he knows it’s wrong or he wouldn’t be making excuses and threats.
Run away please
🚩🚩🚩 🚩
Get out of the house, even if just for a walk, and call the police. Tell them everything you have said here. That he has been raping you while you are asleep and is currently threatening to kill himself. Stay out of the house until the police arrive. Go back when they are there and ask them to stay so you can pack and leave.
Do not stay with this man. In most cases, when someone is suicidal, they can also very easily cross the line to murderous as well. Hence why murder-suicides are so common. Protect yourself, now.
Oh OP, no you don’t have a great relationship. Nothing about this is great. He’s abusive, manipulative and so very toxic. I’m sure it’s already been mentioned but you both need ALL the therapy. Please don’t feel like you are obligated to continue taking this abuse out of fear of what he may do.
He raped you repeatedly while knowing he was harming your health. Leave him and let him kill himself. He won’t. It’s a threat to control you. Leave him and report him.
Am I the only one that’s seriously going to ask how you sleep through anal?
>I love him and despite this we have a great relationship.
No you don’t. He might be nice to you during the day, but he rapes you at night. He was taking videos of himself anally raping you while you were unconscious!!! Thats not love!
>He’s made it clear if I leave him he’d kill himself. He’s v suicidal. He was scraping his neck with a knife in front of me. Grazing his arm with it saying “oh is this the spot”.
This is emotionally abusive. Call the police and let them know that your fiance is threatening to kill himself because you are trying to break up with him for raping you. They will take him to the hospital to keep him safe, and you can get your stuff and leave.
>Grazing his arm with it saying “oh is this the spot”. I told him does he not see how toxic and abusive that it. He responded with “it’s my body, has nothing to do w you”
So when it’s *his* body, it has nothing to do with what you want, but when it’s *your* body, he gets to do whatever he wants even though you have told him no? He doesn’t care about you. He is using you. He wont stop. Please save yourself.
Holy shit get out of there. Don’t worry about him killing himself, narcissists don’t usually do that.
Holy flaming orange shitballs of cow manure! This makes me so angry.
This miserable excuse of a human is raping you and then manipulating you.
He couldn’t help himself?? You want this thing to be an influence on your kids one day? Your future daughter?
Please make quiet preparations to leave, report this rapist to the police and start your new life.
If he kills himself, that’s on him, not you.
He has repeatedly raped you. Please press charges and get as far from him as you can
This is not a great relationship, friend. You’re being abused in a variety of awful ways. Get help.
So, he rapes you, and when gets confronted threatens to kill himself?
What a trashy manipulative douchebag. You need to get away from him before he hurts you more and put him into a psych ward ASAP.
Your deserve so much better.
I’m not telling you that you should tell him to go ahead and end his life, but if you did, I suspect you’d find out that he is not actually suicidal. It’s all a ploy to control you.
He knows what he did was wrong which is why he is threatening suicide, to manipulate you into not leaving. He raped you and that’s a fact. Hell, him fighting you when you said you no longer want to have that kind of sex should’ve been where you drew the line.
This man holds getting his dick wet to a higher standard than you as a human. Please get out while you can, find a man that appreciates you.
I’m sorry. He is raping you, and gaslighting you.