Might just be the dating culture right now (28f). I feel like lot of guys on dating apps (on bumble and tinder) will say they want a relationship. Will end up going out for a bit and nothing comes of it.
Current situation: been going out with someone since end of April-spending multiple weekends together at hotel/casino. Also do dinner/movie dates. When we hangout we talk about work, our families, pretty normal stuff. When we first met said they wanted a relationship. So im not sure why they wont ask me to be their gf at this point? Advice?
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You are experiencing the dating paradox.
In the current dating scene 90% women want to date only the top 10% guys. As a consequence:
a) 90% guys complain because they barely get 1-2 dates per year plus half of them are virgins until late 20s.
b) 90% girls complain because all he guys they have ever dated only wanted sex and not a committed relationship.
c) the top 10% guys have 9 options as an average all the time, competition is huge to land into one of them, especially for something meaningful. They are constantly flooded with douche milk of multiple woman. While you are wondering how to lock them down, they are sleeping with as many girls as they can
Talk to the guy. My girlfriend broached exclusivity twice before I actually asked her to official. Just ask him where is your head in terms of exclusivity and be ready to walk away. Bumble and Tinder and not the best places to look for LTR. Because you are probably matching with the guy who gets plenty of matches and those guys getting the most matches, and most attractive in terms of looks and status they are the ones less likely to want to settle down. Adjust your standards.
The guys you’re attracted to aren’t attracted enough to you to give you a relationship.
See, with men, we know we control access to relationships. So if you’re a top 20% guy, you know your relationship is gold. And we’re not going to give it that easily unless we get the best deal
I mean, everyone builds relationships up at their own pace. If you feel like things are going too slowly, it might be a good idea to chat about it and try to get on the same page. There’s generally going to be some negotiation regarding relationship milestones. The pace of a relationship’s growth and intimacy can’t be rushed, but there should be room for compromise.
Initiate the exclusivity talk somewhat early and be serious about defining the relation? I heard and read multiple times that a guy would wait for a girl to properly initiate the talk otherwise they would assume disinterest. This is despite them taking the first step, organizing and paying dates and so on. It looks to be kind of a rule, they are adamant about them not bringing it up. Maybe it is also a cultural thing where you live. No harm to try it a few times
Because alot of us don’t care for it ,they go along with the relationship thing because not many women are in to casual relationships
Strong independent women = no relationships
There are multiple reasons for why “situationships” don’t become relationships.
1. The girl/woman doesn’t want to seem *clingy*, so she passively waits months/years for *him* to define their relationship. As long as they *feel like a couple,* she’ll go along with it.
2. Not having “the talk” means he can keep his options open should he meet someone else. The first thing he’ll tell you is it’s not cheating because we never said we were exclusive!
3. He’s comfortable and happy with the way things are. Some guys believe once you make it “official” the demands and expectations start coming. As long as you believe he can walk away in a heartbeat, odds are you’re not going to apply much pressure on him.
4. He really doesn’t believe *you* are all that “special” or “the one”. Generally speaking, when a guy meets a woman he considers “special” he wants to take her off of the open market. He wants the world to know this is “My girlfriend” or “My wife”. He wants to shut down the competition.
5. Last but not least it may not be important to him to have “titles” or define the relationship. He might just assume you are a couple. This is especially true if you are introduced to his “inner circle” of close friends, family, co-workers and taking you around people who know him.
Having said that you just started dating in April and it’s only June now so we’re talking about less than 8 weeks. I would say once you get to 12 weeks and beyond people should have an idea if this is “relationship material” or if it’s just someone who will do until the *right person* arrives.
Don’t be a passenger in your own life. Take the wheel!
If you are becoming “emotionally invested” it’s time for you find out where you stand.
In order for him to be “the one” he would have to see you as being “the one”.
At the very least a “soulmate” is someone who actually wants to be with you!
***”If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.***” – Unknown
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Regarding your situation, what does that relationship look like to you? How is it different from what you’re doing now? Are these things you can work in easily, or that you can talk to him about?
More generally, yes, there are guys looking for relationships. OLD as a rule is tricky because of the inherent selection bias: the people swimming in the pool the most are the ones most likely to avoid committed relationships.
So, communicate your frustrations ( = expectations – observations), and consider what he’s really looking for with a partner.
Honestly, I don’t think men know how to handle these kind of emotions well. To be vulnerable, to say here…you can have my heart. It really is difficult to do. I don’t think it’s about you as much as most men will try to say. I think it’s our inability to open ourselves in this way and we have a lot of fear regarding this. I know I do. Women aren’t good at navigating this part of men, either.
I’m saying this after dating a 22F by complete chance as a 32M for three weeks. I couldn’t understand how I fell for someone her age with such strong emotions in such little time. I couldn’t process the emotions in time nor could I process the age gap. I ultimately called it off. I’m sitting here regretting it one moment, and then not the next. Because of this, it got messy the very last day out of no where. We couldn’t communicate it properly and I just took the out. I don’t know if the feeling in my gut is because I regret it and do want her in my life, or because I met someone who I resonated so well with, in such little time, from interests and values, but knew deep down it wouldn’t work out. The communication between us during the last day was horrible. We were open, but it was too “on the wire” for us I think.
I’m telling you my story so that you communicate with potential partners and be patient to a certain point if you like what you see. He very well may be struggling to process these emotions like I was.
Plenty of men want relationships. Gotta figure out if you’re attracted to them, what to look for and filter for, and ask for what you want with clarity and be willing to walk if they’re not on the same page.
There are those of us who still want relationships. That’s exactly what I wanted when I was dating. After 6 months of dating a lady I married her. We’ve just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary. Don’t give up.
For a lot of guys, the offer of a “relationship” seems one-sided. We often make more money and contribute more in living expenses, we’re still looked at to provide material gifts beyond contributing more to the household, we often take lower priority in getting living space with our bathrooms, closets, beds, etc., being taken over and having rules dictated to us about how they should be treated, we’re often managed like dogs-in-training that need to be tamed while our concerns or preferences get shut down for being “too controlling,” etc.
Just seems like if you’re not a stereotypical guy that’s gonna take the lead and tell everybody what to do, you’re just asking to get railroaded.
I tried doing the relationship thing again after several years of not being exclusive. It didn’t take long me to remember why I wanted to stay single. My last live in girlfriend actually came right out and she only had sex to offer me. She didn’t help around the house, or with bills, and was becoming an inconvenience because of her lack of responsibility. That or women only want to see twice a month. Why been in a relationship, if you are just going to be lonely?
Beacuse when men ask for relationship, he is insecure so he give women ability to make a move. Its more common for women to multi-datign so if she doesnt bring this up, she probably have better options so even if she say yes she would feel she settled
I can’t comment on your situation with this person other than to say you should talk to them about what you are looking for (and what they are looking for too). What I can say – I’m a 29m and I want a relationship. So, we do exist. Unfortunately, it seems like the women in my area are all looking for something casual. OOF! So, perhaps it depends on the area where you are – there’s definitely guys, gals and nonbinary pals out there who want relationships. But, maybe it’s easier to find them in some places rather than others?
In any event, I wish you the best in your situation!!
Usually the person that wants exclusivity should be the one to breach the topic.
If you’re old school and expect some grand gesture you’re out of luck if they aren’t desiring it at that moment (or more likely they dont care)
Honestly, I’m (29M) on both of those apps and had female friends advise me that stating clearly that I wanted a relationship was a no-no.
Not speaking for all men, I’m not against having casual flings through there, but I’d be happier if I was dating towards a relationship.
Do you ever get annoyed when men generalize about women?
Uhm, its the same for women, not just men. Im finding that women love sleeping around & then crying when they can’t find a good guy. Also, many women nowadays have onlyfans & the ones who do never can stay in a stable relationship. Couple of the dates go fine, they promise you stuff then it goes nowhere. Narcissists everywhere
A fair amount don’t no, same as many women. There’s still a good amount that do though, you’ll find him.
Explicitly state you want a LTR in your profile, explicitly match with people stating they want an LTR, after 1 month say you want exclusivity explicitly. Don’t have sex for 3+ months to verify both people want an LTR, like each other and there is no misrepresentation.