Hey everyone. Long time lurker first or second time poster (I forget)
Anyways I have been out of the dating scene since 2018 working on my overall health. Mentally, working with a therapist and being diagnosed with ADHD as a 32 year old. Finally being put on meds that help. I had weight loss surgery last year (needed for medical purposes) and I’ve lost over 85lbs and will definitely be losing more. I’m feeling good physically about myself again but am worried I may go from someone’s type as a curvy woman to too skinny.
I’m about to be 34 in March and just joined Bumble and OKC last weekend. Feeling lonely and wanting companionship was my biggest motivation and sign that I was ready to get out there. Talked to a couple of dudes, unsolicited 🍆 pic from one, and one who was a total narcissist (I grew up with one so I know the signs) and a bunch who couldn’t hold conversations.
I’m a bit worried about how difficult dating is these days during the pandemic. I’m in a state with a lot of restrictions now but just wanted to get a pulse out there on difficulties and then some honest (but please be kind) feedback from straight men on a couple of things I think may be deterring matches.
I’m very independent, home owner, work/financially motivated (for myself I want to retire early) and I have 3 larger rescue dogs. I talk about my weight loss in my OKC profile but not bumble. Maybe I’m sharing too much?
Feedback appreciated!
14 comments
>Talked to a couple of dudes, unsolicited 🍆 pic from one, and one who
was a total narcissist (I grew up with one so I know the signs) and a
bunch who couldn’t hold conversations.
Sounds like a pretty normal online dating experience.
If you’d like more feedback on your profile, you can always upload screenshots to Imgur (set to hidden to keep it away from Imgur trolls and blurred to obscure any identifying info) and then post a link here.
I think it’s admirable that you’ve taken time out to work on yourself before jumping back into dating. Totally get what you mean about feeling lonely and wanting companionship, I’m in a very similar place too.
Dating these days is still a pain, and trying to sift through all those profiles on OLD is even more painful however, it needs to done.
Personally, I don’t think you’re sharing too much. You have goals and ambitions and you want someone to match them, someone that will be comfortable with them and someone that will support and stand by you in your journey to reach those goals. For me, that’s an automatic swipe right – I’m into people that have their stuff together, that know what they want, and aren’t afraid to put it out there
You shouldn’t worry about losing the interest of people who only would have wanted you curvy. You had to do what’s done. You need to be happy with your current self.
It is hard to say what your issue may be. If you are working all of the time, have planted your roots and have three big dogs to take care of, that could be a lot for a new potential partner to deal with.
It’s awesome you have taken positive steps with your mental and physicals health.
Sounds like so far you have been experiencing the norms of OLD. OLD has struggles for all, no matter how one looks physically, you will not be for everyone. You will encounter flakes, ghosters, one date wonders, etc. Have low expectations and don’t over-invest.
I wouldn’t talk about weight loss on your profile same as I wouldn’t discuss weight gain on a profile. Not saying you shouldn’t be proud of your weight loss, just seems odd to put on a dating profile. Better to discuss in a real life convo organically. Maybe just share what you are looking for, your hobbies, current pictures, and what you have to offer someone.
I would also recommend joining local meetups and activities (if possible with restrictions in your area) to increase your chances of meeting someone.
Dating gets more difficult as we get older. We have to weigh our own baggage and understand what we’re worth. We also have to grasp that the compatible persons in our age bracket and don’t have major issues is a dwindling number. We don’t have to settle for less, but we have to be realistic
Those dating apps are terrible, trust me 🤣
Good luck. I went 2.5 years trying to find the right one and thought I finally did only to have her continuously lie to me. Just be patient and I’m sure the right guy will come along.
Nothing you said will be a deal-breaker for the right person. And plenty of people looking for something along those lines.
Be clear in your intentions in all stages and be ready to enforce them.
As a gay man, if you don’t like unsolicited dick pics, say “hey, don’t we know each other??” Or “hey don’t we work together?” Then no matter how much they deny, say “that’s ok I won’t tell anyone.” Not a fan of gas lighting, but willing to make an exception in this case.
Learn what avoidant attachment style looks like they’re always in the dating pool
I’m not a man but if someone told me they had three rescue dogs, I wouldn’t swipe right on them. One dog sure, two maybe, but three? As you know dogs are work and very social. I’d be concerned the person does not have time to really date and get to know a person because they will likely be quite busy with the dogs.
The person who said don’t discuss your weight loss (or gain) is right. If you show photos of yourself where people can plainly see your weight, that alone should be enough.
1. How you lost your weight is really no one’s business. I would remove it.
2. Yeah mention the dogs up front otherwise you are going to end up with a lot of first dates that you thought went well…
3. Welcome to OLD. Narcissist, players, polygamist, etc. are ALWAYS dating thus they are over represented on dating apps. There are good people out there ( you are out there, after all). You will develop a sense for picking out people you don’t want to interact with. Just give it some time and try not to take things too personal.
Congrats on the work you’ve done for yourself. That is truly awesome! I think OLD is really hard, there are so many factors including it’s full of people who just want to hook up or get attention instead of find a relationship (which I assume is what you want.) As for talking about your weight, I don’t think that’s a profile detail, but can be something you share on a first or second date as it’s something you’re proud of. Also no matter your size you are worthy of love! Hang in there!
Take it easy and dont rush, greatness will come to those with patience