My mom is pressuring me to say happy father’s day to my step dad of about 8 years and i said i didn’t think it made sense because he’s not my father, and she seems to be upset. He has his good moments, he will help me out every so often give me free weed, be nice to me in general, BUT he is very immature and likes to take jokes to far. He makes big deals about little problems and over reacts, he will get mad for leaving a single spoon in the sink. I’m not saying i hate the guy, but he has always been the guy to say something to you and he will especially do it when other people are around, he will try to humiliate you and when you fire back, he will sometimes get upset. Whenever you are doing anything you may be hit with a random “joking” roast and when I fire back he will drag it on forever.
What do I do if I don’t feel I should say happy father’s day to him, if i didn’t have issues with him how would i justify that to my mom, or can is there no way to, need advice!
31 comments
What problem is it to just wish him a happy father’s day? It’s not like you’re being asked to spend the entire day with him.
Just do the right thing and say something to him.
I mean, he is the guy who would be attempting to be somewhat of a father figure if you were in serious need of one, despite everything that he does that might upset you.
When your birthday rolls around does your family just choose to not celebrate or tell you anything just because you were being rude or mean lately? I don’t think so.
It’s also just 3 words, Happy Father’s Day. Whether you say it with the intent of having serious or any meaning at all, he’ll appreciate it.
I totally get where you’re coming from. It sounds like he’s not exactly the best step dad. But acknowledging everything you said… there’s no way you’re going to be able to justify this to your mom.
For all his imperfections, and it sounds like there are many, he’s still in your day to day life it sounds like. I’d propose splitting the difference, and give him a *qualified* answer.
“Hey, thanks for keeping my mom happy all these years, and for helping me out on occasion, when I needed it.” That’s fair I think. It’ll get her off your back. You’ll satisfy the requirement without having to feel like you’re lying through your teeth.
He’s not your father. You don’t have any obligation to say or do anything.
Do you live with them? If so I’d just give a cordial happy Father’s Day. Picking and choosing battles is a thing you have to do sometimes. I’d make plans to move out if it was a controlling high pressure environment regularly
As a step mother myself, I don’t expect to hear it on Mother’s Day, but it’s definitely nice to, especially if you’ve taken on the role of a parental figure and genuinely love the children.
You’re in no way obligated to, but really consider if he’s been good to you or not. If he has, telling him happy Father’s Day wouldn’t hurt. But if you don’t want to, don’t. No one is obligated to say it, not even to their real dads.
I get that you don’t HAVE to, but is it so hard to send him a text? You’re going to be living with him for summer break. He does some stuff that helps you out. You don’t hate him. Why not take 4 seconds to send a “Happy Father’s Day” text?
I’m getting ready to drive an hour to take a father’s day gift to someone who isn’t actually my dad. He is actually my BFF’s dad and I’ve known him since I was 5 years old. Someone doesn’t have to be your dad to acknowledge them on Father’s Day. If your step-dad has been good to you, then consider it. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t.
National StepFamily Day is Sep 16 I think , you can say happy Step Parent day then
If you feel that he hasn’t actually taken on the role of father and treated you as a parent should, don’t let other people pressure you into an acknowledgement of him as your father. If you don’t want to say it, that should be the end of it. Tell your mom that your relationship with your stepfather is between him and you, and she should butt out.
I just called BIL and wished him Happy Father’s Day. He’s a great Dad to my nephew and a nice guy in general. Someone doesn’t have to be *your* father to wish them a happy day.
But, if you don’t feel like you want to wish him a happy day, then don’t.
Your choice. Don’t do it if it feels forced.
Do what you want
I said Happy Father’s day to my next door neighbor and vice versa.
You can say it in a non-Father manner.
Does he have other children?
It’s none of her business how you choose to mark fathers day. Simple as that, it’s not a big issue- just let her have her moment
Is the the hill you want to die on? Saying “happy Father’s day” as a courtesy takes very little effort.
You know, my kids woke up this morning and I mentioned saying happy Father’s Day to him. I expect his son to say it. I don’t expect my kids to. That’s their relationship with my husband and I don’t get to dictate how they feel about him or how they view him.
Same thing goes for my stepson. I don’t expect him to say happy Mother’s Day. I’m not his mom. I want him to decide how I play a part in his life. Not to be forced into saying something he’s been coached to do.
Hey! OP imagine. This is your step dad acting like that and you don’t consider him a real father figure bc of it. My actual biological dad semi-acts like this AND IVE BEEN RAISED BY HIS ASS. Needles to say, a happy Father’s Day is 3 words. If you not finna do it for him do it to make your mother happy atleast bruh.
I think you should do whatever you want. If you don’t wanna say it, then don’t. But at the same time this might be a small gesture that would make him and your mom happy. I assume you live with them so if I were in your position I would’ve said it. Just a small thing (to me idk how you feel about it) that could have a neutral/good impact.
Your stepdad gives you weed? That is crossing a boundary, for me at least. My husband is a bio dad and a stepdad in our house. If he ever gave either of our kids weed, even the 18 year old, I would take issue with that.
You know reading this hit home, I’ve had been asked to along time ago to do the same to a man who used to be my “step dad” and is no longer in my life at all or my mother’s but also my current stepdad has been very good to us for about 9 years and I don’t think I’ve ever told him happy Father’s day, but I just did. I’m older now though and don’t live with them but he’s helped get me where I am, him and my real father are actually cool, in the past I felt similar though not wanting to consider another man my dad. So like many others are saying I would only consider it if he’s really been good to you. It’s about the little things that go far, being taught things or for me the area of work I do now and love. Best of luck
A step parent is a parent. The roles have different expectations, but the bottom line is that this person chose to be in a relationship with your mom knowing that a child needed to take priority. If for nothing else, that deserves a happy Father’s Day. Technically sure, not your dad, but the reality is that he accepted you as the center of your moms world and chose to be a part of your family. It takes grace and class to acknowledge the role, even if the title doesn’t 100% suit.
I texted my friend happy father’s day this morning and one of my coworkers. Neither of them are my father, but they are fathers.
Like. This is a weird hill to die on when he has other kids. You don’t have to give him a present or make it about him being your stepfather, you can just approach this as a thing you’d say to a friend who is also a father.
I don’t think you can justify not saying it to your mom. So especially if you live with her or rely on financial help from them, like, just do it.
If he doesn’t feel like a father’s role to you, then don’t say it. Your mom shouldn’t be forcing you to do something that makes you that uncomfortable and quite frankly, I’m sorry, but she sounds like shes being a bitch to you about it and doesn’t understand.
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Sit her down and explain. And if she doesn’t listen, that’s on her.
sounds like any other dad to me
But how you feel about him is your business, you can’t be forced to made to view him in a different way.
sounds like a douche that doesnt deserve the acknowledgement, tell him to go fuck himself instead
You don’t want to and your Mom trying to force you to do so is overstepping your boundaries.
You are grown and it doesn’t sound like you view this guy as a Dad anyways.
Stick with your “No”.
I said Happy Father’s Day to 15 different dads, grandpops and stepdads on my kid’s softball team today. Saying it doesn’t mean he is your one and only dad. It just means he is a dad of some sort. Don’t get in your head so much.
Idk. My mom asked me to get her husband, a man who had zero hand in raising me whatsoever and whom I know very little, a Father’s Day gift. And I did. Some socks or something Because needs some. It’s really not a huge deal to me to just say it. Especially if you’ve said it in the past?
If you don’t wanna say it because of jokes he’s made or whatever, then maybe it’s time to set some boundaries about what’s too far for you or something.
But. Your life, your choice.
I thought I was reading AITA for a second. You can casually wish someone happy father’s day. The same way you wish strangers Merry Christmas or say take care and have a nice day. You say you don’t have any issue with him bit just named a few and being so adamant about not doing something so trivial makes it seems like you do.
Your 19 and dumb, what makes you think its got anything to do with you?
Be kind and live a life where you want to see your family and friends succeed in this cruel world. You will find much more satisfaction in your own happiness when you make other people happy.