Title says it all.
He wants to marry but I want to take it slow.
I don’t have financial security right now, living situation isn’t the best, and overall want to improve the quality of my life.
I love him and would love to marry him, but when I feel I am “ready” and have my life together, feel independent and in love with my life.
He believes that “there’s no such thing as ready” and that “money comes and goes”.
I’m unsure what to do. I’ve already been married, very young and divorced. That first marriage I felt forced into, so I have some fears now around marriage and having to go through the same thing.
I am divorced and this is an extreme taboo in our culture and I have faced a lot of shame and humiliation from this.
He is aware of my fears and that I am feeling pressured by his desire to marry soon. To be clear, he is not forcing me, just expressing his desires to marry, and he knows how I feel about this.
He is a bit traditional. In our culture, it’s more about “building a life together” rather than waiting until you’re older and independent.
I believe that he will wait ofc, but that he is slightly frustrated with my timing. And also that I said yes to getting married within a certain timeline and then changed my mind when I realized I felt pressured.
He doesn’t seem to understand why I want to take it slow and I am feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
This is becoming a sore spot in our relationship and I am beginning to wonder if we need to go separate ways if he wants to marry soon but I don’t want to. He wants me to compromise but I won’t on this. He seems to be slowly becoming resentful of my pace whereas I am happy to wait a few more years.
**TLDR: Bf wants to marry but I want to slow down. We disagree and it is starting to frustrate me.**
2 comments
What makes you feel like he doesn’t understand? He clearly has a different opinion, which is fine, so long as he respects yours. You say he is willing to wait, which makes it look like he does respect you having a different view and a different preference. So, what is making you feel like he doesn’t understand you?
Hypothetically, if a woman in your position had unreasonable fears, expectations, or limiting beliefs (1) how would she recognize that; and, (2) how would she overcome them to move forward with inner security and peace ?