I am not a westerner; he is. In our culture, infertility is simply solved by adoption, a very honourable institution. And frankly, I find it hard to conceive of sperm donation as ANYTHING BUT CUCKERY (no offence to liberals, who find that a healthy and normal lifestyle).
I found his wife to be very selfish in making this demand. How could wife expect her man to be OK with another dude’s nut in her vagina? Or is that more of East African toxic masculinity? I know its my culture speaking here, maybe I am not enlightened enough to grasp such elevated ideas like gestational hotwifing which is what this essentially is.
Why do I call it selfish?
Option A – we adopt and neither of us have a biological link to the child. We’re just as distant but that can be overcome by bonding.
Option B – She gets a biological link BUT he’s kicked to the curb + his ego gets battered as his wife shops like a catalogue shopper through other men’s sperm (she even wrote down a list of requirements, most of which he did not share like 6ft/he’s 5’9 etc).
In other words, she is willing to kick his feelings to the curb (regardless of whether he consented as no non-CUCK could seriously consent to this) just so she can avoid what he will go through either way ( have no link to the kid, WHICH I EMPHASIZE IS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL SINCE MY FATHER WAS ADOPTED AFTER A WAR).
So
1. I urged him to give her an ultimatum.
2. He agreed
3. She refused
4. He walked out.
5. Their marriage is toast, But i have saved my friend’s honour.
19 comments
I dunno about this .
I think I lost 2 IQ points reading this
Reddit beware!!
At the end of the day it was his call if he was okay with it or not.
If he was not okay with it you were correct in supporting him on that. If he was okay with it you probably should have stayed out of it.
Its not okay for his wife to force him to be the father of someone else’s child against his wishes if he was not onboard with it. If that was even on the docket he is lucky to have gotten out of that marriage.
Its not your business to get involved in their marriage. You are a scumbag.
Its literally not any of your business.
It pretty much comes down to the central question of what is more important: Do I want to reproduce myself or do I want to be there for a child? Based on that, adoption looks like the best option for me.
Told ur friend what u would do in that situation. He ask, he agreed. He wouldnt of brought it up if he felt it was right. So he just need a friend to be a grounding rod for his sanity.
Hey, that’s what friends are for. He asked for your perspective, you gave it, it made more sense to him than what he came up with so far, and he made his choices based on it. Adoption is a very noble thing to do with so many kids in need of a proper home if you need a child that badly, but she wanted her own, even if it won’t be from her life partner who’d be paying for it, and to the point of losing the marriage over it, no less!
I’d say that man is lucky to have you for a friend.
What de heck did I just read?
All the post you didn’t even scratched the most important topic of „Is he okay with her wish to get a sperm donation to get a baby by her own if it is important for her?“
Also you didn’t scratched the topic if he asked you for your opinion or your advice in this situation.
If both of this topics aren’t answerable in your favour, than no, you wasn’t even a slightest right in your behaviour!
Also I‘m very curious. What does your culture say about a man’s „honour“ when these man does to the letter what another man tells him to do?
I put the term honour in quotes because I personally don’t believe in that kind of thought but accept that you do.
> (no offence to liberals, who find that a healthy and normal lifestyle)
I don’t know how the word “liberal” is used in East Africa, it’s different everywhere, but it’s hard for me to believe that it has anything to do with cuckery.
You certainly have a different take on… things. Since your friend agreed with you I don’t think it’s fair to say that you were wrong, apparently he shares your feelings on the matter. If that’s the case then the advice isn’t bad, even if I would disagree with it myself.
Ultimatums are never appropriate in western relationships, however. Even in d/s relationships that doesn’t fly: in that case you give orders, not ultimatums. This seems like it could have been the real reason they broke up, rather than the dispute about adoption.
No you weren’t right. Honor is less important than Happiness. Pretty terrible thing to do to a friend.
I think you are a good friend with a unique outside perspective on this complicated situation.
Dude, are you seriously comparing a sperm donor to a cuckold?
If he asked your opinion and you gave it to him without being overbearing then yea you are probably fine. I imagine if he was willing to leave his wife he already had strong feelings leaning your direction and just needed to know he wasnt alone in feeling that way.
If you put heavy pressure on him then you probably shouldnt have and just let him do his thing. But I doubt you were that invested. Personally I agree with you. I have no interest in raising someone else kid. If I couldnt have one biologically i would just not have kids or adopt if I felt the need to pass on my legacy. If my wife wanted to do that I’d probably just leave as well, she can find a man who will also have a biological link so they can share that bond. I would want that happiness for someone I love even if I’d never get to experience it.
It’s unfortunate but now at least he can find a woman who doesnt want kids or just wants to adopt. Seems like a future win for both parties, even though it probably hurts right now.
I guess it did seem that having a biological child was more important to her
>I have saved my friends honour
Yeah, uh huh, got no words.
You already know this is all about misguided toxic masculinity, so what can be said to ya that you will listen to?
~~Hope yourself and you friend have a great life~~ Hope the lady finds someone better than your friend, probably won’t be hard.
You realize the egg is fertilized outside the body. Once fertilized that is when it’s being injected into her womb.
She is just the incubator. Meaning there is no difference to him from adoption and someone else incubated the child, or her incubating the child. She would just share genetic history. Which can be a huge benefit medically speaking.
All you did was destroy a marriage. You and your friend need to educate yourself. There is no honour in what you or he did. I would say he and you are closed minded, uneducated in the process and extremely selfish in nature.
The selection process is used to try and limit any possible genetic mismatch that could cause birth defects. Her list was nothing more than possible esthetics. There was no guarantee the child would be over 6ft. Etc. If she adopted she still could have chosen a child that didn’t match the father’s look.
I’m gonna put this nicely.
You are a drama seeker.
No long story required. No man should raise another man’s kid. Donor or not, its not his kid, not his issue.