I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. My lease is up next month and we had the moving in together talk (which got very emotional) and he said he wasn’t ready. The situation is complicated in that I have a child on the spectrum and my mom helps me take care of her so it’s a heavier thing to walk into so it’d be a big step. During the conversation I asked him how much more time he needed and he said maybe another year and that he didn’t know. He brought up that he sees our small daily nitpicking arguments and lifestyle differences becoming larger issues later and has questions about our long term compatibility. I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said I was pushing him to make a decision but he’s been thinking about our relationship and compatibility for months which he has not alluded to whatsoever until that moment. He basically said that he’s content but he doesn’t think we can work long term. I think he’s scared, going over too many hypotheticals and is being negative so I offered a trial living situation where my daughter and I are are at his apartment (his turf so he’s more comfortable) for a week to get more of a true insight of the living together dynamic without a lease commitment to see if it eases his apprehension. He agreed but he said he doesn’t know how much that is going to change how he feels but he wants to try because I do. He also brought up wearing a condom during this time while we figure things out to eliminate a possible pregnancy (very unlikely since I have an IUD) which we have never used since being exclusive. Everything he’s saying is logical but I feel like I’m fighting for a relationship in what he deems as doomed so I’m wary of bringing my daughter into it but I don’t want to walk away. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.
2 comments
You seem to have understood him correctly. He seems to be having doubts about the relationship but really doesn’t want to to offend you. I have no idea how bringing your child to his house for a week would impact her, but I have to guess that it would upset an autistic child because it’s uprooting her daily routine. Maybe it’s his turf but it could hurt your child which might in turn cause more problems with him as well. The condoms thing too suddenly sounds like overkill it sounds like he’s trying to dodge something. You’ve heard some very unsavory things from him and I’m sorry it sounds so unpleasant and I wish you luck with making the best decision.
He’s been with you a year. Anything he’s going to feel about your child is being felt at this point and if he can’t embrace her with both arms open, I don’t know what there really is to discuss. He’s not compatible.
I know raising special needs can be hard. I get it. But I also know if you need to choose between inflicting the trauma of bad parent onto your kid and going solo for a while, the choice feels clear right?