I’ll try to be brief. I (18F)am a very paranoid person & I’m always afraid of doing something wrong to my partner (20M), which will hurt him in some way, for example, cheat. I know cheating doesn’t just happen, you actively choose to cheat, but to explain to you how this vicious cycle works for me I’ll give you an example of something that happened during my relationship. I made a new insta account because I wanted to look up some guy I knew back then, not to flirt with him or stalk him morbidly or anything but he had a private profile & I didn’t want to send him a request with my actual profile because we knew each other from back then & he wasn’t particularly sympathetic to me. (It’s been 2 years, I’ve done stupid things that I really wouldn’t do today). But to be fair, I sometimes look up people I know on Instagram just to see what they’re up to, so I guess/hope that’s not anything creepy to do (??)Anyway, I made this account and made a profile picture of me (a body picture/mirror picture) but then I took another one because I felt a bit bad. Anyway, I sent him a request, he accepted it, I looked at his profile & that was it. But my paranoia keeps telling me that I texted him “Hey, do you have Snap?” or “Hey handsome” although I know that this didn’t happen because I would remember it straight away if it really had. I really remember everything. However, my paranoia keeps telling me things like “What if you did this & that” “What if it was like this instead of how you remember it”. The problem is it’s not just thoughts that go away, they talk into me so much that I end up not knowing how things actually happened, I really don’t know anymore & I can’t even look it up anymore because I deleted the account I had. I don’t know what to do because I’m so scared & I feel guilty (even though I don’t really know if I did anything). Are these obsessions over thoughts ? OCD thoughts ? Should I trust my thoughts or are they lying to me? I feel so incredibly bad & just don’t know what to believe or what to do anymore. My guilt is eating me up because I’m so confused & can’t think straight anymore..
TL;DR OCD thoughts on “cheating” & I don’t really know what to do
1 comment
>Are these obsessions over thoughts ? OCD thoughts ?
Definitely sounds like OCD to me.
>Should I trust my thoughts or are they lying to me?
Well if you *know* (at the moment) that you never sent any such messages and your brain is now trying to convince you otherwise, then no, you should not trust your thoughts. You’re trying to convince yourself you did something wrong when you actually didn’t.
As to the reason why… This has probably been building up for years. You should make an appointment with your doctor who can hopefully refer you to someone who specialises in helping people with OCD.