Why am I not desired?
Women, I need to get your perspective on what’s going on.
Quick backstory, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 and 1/2 years now. Of course in the beginning the physical touch and intimacy was crazy. Basically like rabbits taking off. We are 10 hours away from each other doing a very long distance relationship.
This weekend we were able to spend together at a wedding in which, she was in the wedding party. She told me before that she would like for us to be good about drinking so that we can enjoy being together in the bedroom Saturday night.
She arrived on Friday…looking absolutely amazing and as she’s getting her makeup on I hint about getting a little frisky but don’t push my boundaries and recognize that it’s not happening. So I back off and enjoy watching her getting ready.
Wedding day. We are obviously not together as they are getting ready for the wedding, but I send frisky messages to her hoping that might spark a little interest for later on. I made absolutely sure during the reception to drink plenty of water and tea and lemonade while having a beer or two here or there in order to make sure I was ready to go and prepared for what she had asked me to do. That night was a very late night and we didn’t get back to the hotel until 1:00 a.m. So I understood we were both tired and let it go as we showered together before the night ended thinking it will “obviously” happen in the morning.
Sunday morning comes and I hint to it a little bit here and there while we’re waking up and still nothing. So we get ready for the day and go up to her sister’s hotel room to which she starts helping clean and get things ready to get packed up and head back home. It completely pulverized me as it seemed she would have rather helped clean a hotel room instead of spending close intimate time with me.
They all leave and I’m left completely feeling undesired, not attractive, empty, heavy hearted and just plain forgotten.
We had a conversation last night discussing it as I’m pouring my feelings out. She teared up and acknowledged that she put herself and her needs before me and my needs. She apologized and felt terrible.
What I need help understanding is supposedly I’m the man of her dreams, the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, the man she wants next to her side for the rest of her life…..yet she can go an entire weekend during this long distance relationship without any want or need to be intimate with me. She was completely content leaving without any physical touch under the sheets.
What caught me the most off guard was her response saying that she didn’t focus on “my needs”…… I hate the fact that physical intimacy seems more like an obligation towards me to fill my needs. I don’t want that. I want her to want me instead of a feeling like a job or something she needs to do in order to keep me happy.
Women….what is going on here? Why is she content with what happened? Or what didn’t happen??
3 comments
Physical intimacy is only one part of a relationship. Sounds like she doesn’t need as much physical validation to be content with the relationship as you do. If you just expect sex everytime you see eachother then it’s not gonna workout. Also if you are just trying to engage in sex all the time, yeah she’s not gonna be so into it. Roll it back and just spend quality time with her. And you need to be more disciplined in when you engage in this type of behavior and be more reserved with it. She knows she can get anytime now and probably it’s not as exciting for her.
Have you considered asking your girlfriend instead of asking other people to guess?
She didn’t want to bang that morning. Probably cause exhaustion.
She was in the wedding party for what appears to be her sister. I’m not even in the party and my sister’s wedding I will be there at 8 am for make-up for an evening wedding and probably also back at 1 am. It’s loud. Overwhelming. She almost certainly had a job to do there ranging from set up to don’t let crazy aunt Susan be crazy. She wore painful heels and outfits for hours. She slept in an uncomfortable place. She was again responsible to help her sister clean up in the morning, she didn’t want to I’m sure it’s an obligation.
She’s content with no sex because she loves you and was intimate with you. You showed naked together, slept together, probably kissed and held each other. Everything but fuck. And considering she’s probably dead tired, no wonder sex wasn’t her priority.
By “her needs,” I am pretty damn sure it was exhaustion. Also I think your reading too much into her reply, by “your needs” she’s validating that feeling loved is important and you want sex as well as physical affection. She’s not calling it an obligation as far as I can tell, but an important thing to you she’s sorry was neglected due to the situation.
Seriously, talk to your fucking girlfriend and stop reading too much into on weekend without sex. Yes, it sucks cause long distance, but you’ve also said you otherwise fuck like rabbits so have you considered being tired isn’t fucking sexy. She’s not obligated to fuck you every time. You can be disappointed, sure, but if I read my boyfriend posting this I’d be insulted that he doesn’t care about me or the reasons why, only that I apparently hurt him because he expects sex no matter the excuse.
Your needs matter, if its occuring problem it wont change, I would even say it will get worst with time. If you want platonic roommate in future or feel frustrated by being neglected then stay with her. I would recomend write this post on deadbedroom so people with experience will write you if this situation and her use of words are signs that this will be your future