I always thought of ‘lovebombing’ as just an online buzzword. Recently it happened to me and I feel completely wrecked.

TLDR: Met a guy who lovebombed me to hell and back, stupidly fell for it because I’ve wanted a relationship for so long, subsequently got dumped because he ‘doesn’t want a relationship’ even though it was his idea in the first place.

(22F) I’ve not had much luck with guys in my life. The ones I’ve dated have always used me for sex (or sometimes straight up sexually assaulted me) and then either ghosted me or kept me around but treated me terribly.

My appearance is the only thing anyone has ever praised me for and its led to me having extremely low self-esteem and feeling like I’m nothing but a human fuckdoll and like no guy will ever actually love me or care about me. I’ve been really depressed over this the last few years and have considered taking my own life.

A few weeks ago I was tired of dating apps and decided to try a singles event through the app Thursday. The event itself was just okay, and I was getting ready to leave when a guy (20M) approached me at the bar and we started talking. I ended up going to a club with him and his friends, and then I went home with him after. We didn’t have sex but stayed up all night talking about everything. He told me about his struggles with his family and his mental health, and I told him how I’ve dealt with the same things.

He wouldn’t stop staring at me, calling me beautiful, asking if I was was real and telling me he felt like he’d found his wife. By the end of the night he told me he loved me. Knowing he was likely still drunk, I didn’t take it seriously, but then over the next week, he acted the same way. We spent a bunch of time together, he was romantic and affectionate, always wanted to see me, asked me to be his girlfriend, introduced me
to his friends, and asked me to lunch with his sister but I was busy.

I was so happy. I felt like someone finally understood me, like I’d finally been given a break from the universe and it was my turn to be happy. A part of me knew it was stupid for me to believe him when he said he loved me and wanted to marry me but I just wanted to finally be loved.

Of course, things started to crumble soon after. He had been talking more and more about his ex of four years who had dumped him in January, which had sent him into depression. He complimented me less. He repeatedly put his hands on my neck to try and choke me in a sexual way even though I told him again and again that it was a trigger for me because an abuser of mine strangled me before. He kept doing it though, and asking if I was ever going to let him choke me.

I was also having troubles with a roommate of mine and he volunteered for me to stay with him.
He then changed his mind and told me he didn’t want me to stay at his, even though he was the one who suggested it and suggested I move my stuff to his place and paid for me to do so. He admitted that when he asked he didn’t expect me to say yes, even though he’d told me before I should take his words as the truth and not assume he doesn’t mean the things he says.

He went to his parents’ place for a few days, which had been planned for awhile, and we texted as frequently as before but he wasn’t as romantic in his texts. He did want to see me the day he got back which gave me some hope, so I got all dressed up and really excited for his return. He originally said we were going to dinner
but we ended up going from bar to bar, with him insisting how badly he wanted to get drunk. He barely looked me in the eyes the whole night, he brought up how he hoped we would ‘stay friends’ in the future, and he left me sat alone while he was flirty with a bartender who he said was ‘his girl’. He later told me he was asking her if she would give him a free shot next time he came if he brought the same girl.

I told him he was being an ass later in the night, and he laughed it off and joked that no matter how he acted I was still going home with him. I should’ve left him and gone home then, but I was drunk and tired and just hoped when we got back to his place and were in our bubble again that he would start being nice to me. Still, I felt like such an idiot. I’d fallen for this guy who was so kind and considerate to me, who instantly wanted to solve any problem I had and treated me like he cared, and now I was left with this. It was really hard not to cry. He later said we’d talk in the morning when we were sober.

The next morning, he told me how he was just not ready for a relationship and how he 100% didnt want one, and he didnt want me to say anything that was to do with having a relationship, and that we were broken up. I was angry and hurt and asked him why he led me on and asked me to be his girlfriend then, and he said he was sorry, but that he’d only just realised he doesnt want a relationship. He said he just wants to be young and have fun, and that the conversation we were having was ‘long’, and that he didn’t want to talk about it, even though he was the one who initiated it all and made it so serious (and was the one who had kept saying he was a relationship guy and not into just having fun). Every time I said something he would sigh and turn away and say I just didn’t get him.

I was laying on his bed on my front a bit afterwards and he started touching me and dryhumping me and saying how he wanted me so badly, but then gave the disclaimer that he didn’t want me to misunderstand, that if we had sex it was separate, and that it didnt mean we were going to be together. I turned around and he kept trying to kiss me and I would turn my head away repeatedly, and then he eventually just grabbed my face and held it still and kissed me forcefully. I called him up on it, but he just complained that I was putting him in a box of guys who used me for my body even though he was doing the exact same thing.

I’ve not been able to do anything since I left his place except lay in bed and cry. I feel so stupid, I actually believed I’d found someone. I texted him saying its not fair what he’s done and how he left me and that we need to talk, but he just responded saying he needs space.

I’m done with dating at this point. I’ve tried everything, dating apps, meeting guys irl, through mutual friends, waiting to have sex, having sex right away, not having sex at all, being really upfront about what I want, being really casual about how things go. I’m just tired, I’m over it.