My new boyfriend is really snuggly, and I usually don’t mind that part. It’s the kissing that makes me really uncomfortable. I have been molested before, and I have told him that. I’ve also told him to please ask if he wants to kiss my shoulder or my head, but he doesn’t. I don’t know how to tell him to please stop without sounding rude or annoying. I hate it so much. The other day he kissed me on the shoulder every few seconds and I was so scared that he was going to start touching me. How do I tell him to stop without sounding like a nagging bitch?
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I want to start off by saying if you have already told him that it makes you uncomfortable and he’s STILL doing it than that’s not okay. He’s disrespecting you and a clear boundary you have set if you’ve already told him to ask. You are allowed to say no. You are not a “nagging bitch” for saying no, and you’re definitely not for reminding him that no means no and if it happens again there will be consequences. If he still continues to do it than I would suggest you take it as a clear violation of your consent, trust, and respect. And that point I would dump him if I was you. I understand being uncomfortable and upset when you’ve already told him what you went through. It’s not okay that he isn’t listening and I really want to drive the point home that you are not ever, and never will be, a bitch for telling someone to ask before they touch you. Consent is needed and someone who does things without consent doesn’t ever deserve to be in your space again.
I don’t think that’s something you need to do in the moment. Ask him out to coffee, specifically to talk about this point. Lay out your concern and needs and tell you want to find a way together to avoid those moments of discomfort. You pitch your ideas, let him pitch his, and come to agreements about the area.
In other words… work on it together. If he’s in this WITH you, show him you value that and that you want to build a dynamic that works for both for you, taking into account the healing you’re still doing.
Walk away from any man who touches you when you ask them not to. This is a sign of disrespect and possessiveness. If he doesn’t stop now, he would likely not stop if you told him to. He violating your body when he touches without consent.
Perhaps it would be best to refrain from being in relationships until you’ve sorted through your traumas with a therapist. Any guy you date will want to kiss you, so maybe pausing with dating to heal from your past would be the healthiest course of action.