My boyfriend and I often have disagreements because when I share something that happened to me during the day, his reactions are more on the practical end (as to how I should react better eg. not let something small affect my mood a lot) which upsets me ultimately rather than just validating or agreeing with my reaction or feelings I have at the moment. Suggestions on how do we resolve disagreements based on this are welcome.
4 comments
Tell him exactly what you want in those situations.
You want him to be a better listener. Not tell you what to do.
With my fiance, ive learned to ask is she wants to vent, or wants a solution.
I get teleological (think: “fitness for use” minded).
What is the function of me sharing about my day? For me, it’s to facilitate shared identity growth across time. Is this conversation serving that end? If yes, carry on. If no, time to check in with my partner and make sure she knows what I am aiming at.
Knowing what my end game is and explicitly stating it shuts down most issues.