To preface, my SO (32M) and I (34F) have been together for 3 years. We live together along with his son (12M).
I had planned to take SO and his son to lunch at a restaurant that SO has been talking about for months. Son didn’t want to come. We make the drive and the place was closed for Father’s Day. I did not have a back up plan and SO offered no solutions. Which, I guess is my fault. We went back home and I prepared dinner with SO, my dad, and sister. After dinner, we all went out for dessert. Everything was fine. Until this morning. SO went off on me. He was upset that we didn’t spend anytime together. He was upset that my sister and dad joined us for dessert. And upset that my sister and I have a family vacation planned for later this summer (it got brought up during dinner; my family and her family, we have been doing this for years). He says I don’t prioritize him or his needs and that I don’t open up as much as he does.
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I told him I was sorry that Father’s Day didn’t go as planned but I had no control over the restaurant. I also told him that I had a trip planned for us a few weeks earlier. However, I am currently the only one working, so splurging on restaurants and souvenirs wasn’t an option for this trip, to which he said he would rather not go because he doesn’t want to go on vacation and eat ham sandwiches the whole time or have to tell his child that they couldn’t get souvenirs. I also told him that I’ve tried over and over to get him to plan things with me but he says his plate is always full and he doesn’t like to plan things.
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The argument got really ugly and he brought up issues we have had in the past. For example, 2 years ago I begged him to take a trip somewhere, he declined because of his depression and ultimately snapped and told me to plan a trip with my friends so I did. He also brought up how I take trips without him with friends/family and it isn’t fair that he gets “left behind” while I go and “live my best life”.
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I’m just frustrated. I hate to throw 3 years down the drain, but this situation isn’t improving. It doesn’t seem fair that he is guilting me with my previous travels when I have tried and tried to get him to plan something with me. It feels like anything I do is a problem for him and I don’t understand why.
TLDR; SO isn’t happy that Father’s Day didn’t go as planned and big fight ensues.
ETA: I got him 3 gifts; a nice gift, a house gift, and a small gift.
6 comments
Don’t be this man’s financial provider. Don’t go on this vacation with him, and start thinking about ending this relationship. Fathers day is a day for fathers to celebrate with their family (children). It’s not his birthday.
How dare you try and include… *Checks notes* …your father on Father’s Day. I think you should focus less on having wasted 3 years on this dude and more on the potential wasting another 30 with a guy that contributes in apparently no ways and is not willing to meet you halfway
Lol, Father’s Day lunch at a specific restaurant is definitely not a “need”. Better food than ham sandwiches is not a need. Souvenirs for his son are not a need. Not planning things because he doesn’t “like” to is not a need.
He just wants you to arrange and fund his lifestyle for him while he doesn’t have to contribute anything to you. He clearly will not accept anything less than that, regardless of how it costs you.
Just curious, what is this guy bringing to the relationship? He doesn’t work, he guilt-trips you about travelling, he expects you to plan Father’s Day for him and not spend time with your actual father. This guys sounds like a loser.
He isn’t working and is complaining that you aren’t providing enough for him and his kid, while he does nothing?
No wonder his kid didn’t want to do anything with him for Father’s Day.
Get rid of this guy.
Please stop wasting your time with this loser. Nothing seems to be good enough for him, yet he can’t pull his own weight financially. He sounds needy, controlling, and manipulative. You deserve to be with someone who will respect and appreciate you. Dump his ass and move on. Better alone than miserable.