I’ve had this happen on several occasions, where someone will send me a text. When I answer, they will take like 30 minutes to respond, I respond again and then the cycle repeats.
Texting first shows that they have interest in me. But then if they continue to have a conversation where they take 30 minutes to reply every time I reply, it seems like they don’t care at all.
What are these people even doing, or am I misinterpreting this?
35 comments
I’m one of those people, but it’s not on purpose. Sometimes I don’t get the notification, other times I get interrupted… But clearly, doesn’t apply to everyone. If the person does this very often then can be a red flag.
This sounds like a huge red flag! Why do they have to text you immediately? They have a life and might be busy or unable to text right at that second. Seems a bit obsessive and needy to me
Texting sucks, it’s one of the worst ways to communicate. Better try to not interpret anything while texting. If possible, only transfer necessary information. Meet up IRL or in some kind of voice chat if you wanna have a good conversation. You’ll spare yourself many misunderstandings and a lot of wasted time that way. I’ve spent enough time with texting that I can with confidence say: fuck texting.
Some people I text with are extremely passive. We can either talk in real-time or pass texts back and forth with huge delays. We treat it no different than if we were mailing letters back and forth. Like, read it when you get to it and reply whenever. If they are good friends otherwise, it might just be something you have to come to expect. They could also be like me. I have moderate ADHD, and a half-hour can go by feeling like just a couple of minutes, so you’ll either get an immediate response, or I’ll completely forget I’m texting, even while actively thinking about you. It doesn’t always mean the person is ghosting, or uninterested. Hell, some people get paralyzed analyzing previous texts and get scared to send new ones considering the other ones look so cringe in hindsight.
I’m like that. Sometimes I forget because I’m on doing something else. I’ve replied days later because of my forgetfulness and because I’ll get multiple people texting me.
Texting isn’t meant to be immediate. That’s what phone calls are for. Call me if you need a direct answer ASAP, don’t text me.
I’m like that, I just get busy doing other stuff. I think 30 minutes to answer a text is a very reasonable timeframe, for anything time sensitive it’s better to call.
some people have a hard time answering texts right away, like me. maybe its some type of anxiety im not really sure
I’ll be honest: I’m super ADHD and I miss texts constantly unless I am hovering over the phone, and even then I can get easily distracted by literally anything else, and it could be 10 minutes to 10 days before I remember I was even texting with someone. I’ve had a lot of social issues because of it, and it honestly has nothing to do with me valuing or devaluing the person I’m talking with; my brain is simply hardwired this way.
If you’re dealing with someone like me, the best option is to ask if they would like to do a voice chat or phone call instead of texting. That’s what I try to do whenever possible so they will have my undivided attention.
30 minutes is nothing I take hours or days to respond if its not urgent or plans. Texts shouldn’t always be immediate if they aren’t urgent or talking about plans. Sounds like you need to get off your phone more or at least be more understanding that not everyone has the energy to respond right away to things.
Sometimes ppl aren’t always on their phones
30 minutes is really not that long. If they were taking multiple hours each time or days then yeah you have a right to be annoyed. If it’s that aggravating then just ring them.
It completely depends on the person.
Me for example, real time text convos stress me out. Having to type out responses in real time, and then read them, and then panic over what I’ve written is good or if I’ll annoy them etc (general anxiety that I’m working on) and then by the time I’ve rewritten and calmed down, ages have passed – all the while I’m also stressing about them looking at the “typing” dots wondering what’s taking me so long to type..
Sometimes I’m just checking up on a friend, or just random chit chat that’s not time sensitive – I’ll drop a message, allow them to respond whenever, then respond later in my own time too. Whether that’s 5mins later, 30mins later etc. Otherwise if I feel like having an immediate back and forth convo with them, I’ll call them – much less hassle that way (for me). My friends know me well enough to call me for a chat or expect delayed responses through text too.
They could be busy at work, completing tasks, socialising, in between five other text conversations or simply watching tv. As frustrating as delaying replies are it’s not necessarily a mark of lack of interest.
dude, what? you need to relax. 30 minutes is not a lot and texting is for casual conversation throughout the day. If you need instant replies or a more serious convo, CALL or set a date to meet up.
people aren’t sitting around staring at their phones every minute of the day waiting for a text to come through to reply right away. we’re doing things and reply when we can…you should too.
People have lives other than be pending on their phone.
You should learn that skill too, else you come as clingy.
Don’t be that overly needy person, nobody likes them, and they get annoying once they start with the “you don’t answer because you don’t care”.
So long story short, yes, you are misinterpreting it, big time.
They just communicate differently than you.
You seem to answer right away. Nothing wrong with that.
If you start expecting that from everyone, that’s when you are going to conflict with people that don’t do that.
For example, people with strong social anxiety will take longer to text usually, since they have to fight their own anxieties about a situation before even considering their response.
Other times, some ppl will text when they have a sec with their work, then text you back at the next moment.
If something isn’t time sensitive, avoid expecting a response at all. Other stuff will come up.
What I mean by that is… Try not to make ‘responds to my texts immediately’ a condition of your friendship if you can avoid it. Of course, you can choose to do so, but I imagine it will filter out a lot of otherwise good friendships.
I do this because I send texts when I think of someone, or remember to communicate something, even if I don’t have a block of free time to sit down and just text back and forth. I’m generally responding in between tasks. I’m not the type of person who has blocks of free time to just text back and forth. If I want a consistent conversation, I call them.
I think that’s the beauty of texting. Why call or text expecting an immediate answer for a question, comment, or concern that doesn’t require immediate attention?
You can carry on a conversation while going about your daily activities.
Texting is not supposed to be synchronous.
If someone sends a text, they usually arent expecting a conversation that excludes all other activities.
Its something we fit in between other activities.
If you are expecting a synchronous and instant communication, try calling instead.
What you may find is that the other person is busy driving, pooping, grocery shopping, or something else that requires their immediate attention.
I personally like to keep my phone on silent. I’m weird and the notifications can make me anxious. So I might text someone then do an activity and not check my phone for 30min
I feel like this is normal lol. They could be multitasking and doing other things too
Raaaah! People owe me immediate responses to my non-immediate form of communication!
Texting isn’t Instant Messaging or a phone call.
There are people that put their phone down and go do other stuff. If someone texts me or responds to my text i’ll answer when i get to it, i often leave my phone in my house and go out and do stuff and i may not answer before the next day because i don’t feel like texting when im back home and tired.
Sometimes I’ll wait hours for someone to respond to me and then I’ll check my messages and see that they had actually already responded minutes after. Wish I could tell you why
If you need an answer right away, call the person. Texts are to be answered when the other person gets a minute
That’s a pretty wild swing from “they’re interested” to “they don’t care at all!” and indicates some underlying issues you need to address. It’s not other people you need to interpret, it’s yourself. You’ll spend decades communicating with hundreds of people. If you take each interaction so personally you’ll be miserable.
30 minutes per reply? Wow those are really fast replies!
It’s nothing personal, they just text differently.
The whole point of texting is that it’s asynchronous. If you want instant responses, then get on a call or meet them.
Learn difference between asynchronous and synchronous communication. You can ask do you have time to chat, if you want to narrow communication lag.
Having notifications off and manually checking it is usually why I do this. I don’t like getting lots of notifications, so I usually set everything to, “do not disturb,” and I just manually check it every now and then, and just a bit more frequently if i’m talking to someone
They’re probably busy but don’t want to forget to talk to you about something. What’s the big deal? Seems like the only problem is having specific expectations for other people.
People are busy, not everyone is on their phone all day ready to text back. If you find things to occupy you then you’ll start taking longer to reply also.
Maybe they don’t look at their phone as often as you
The purpose is called having a life not tied to your phone….that is all