I have a history of being turned down by my old friends. Like a lot. For example one time when I joined two friends in a video game, the second I spawned in, they started spamming “LEAVE” in the chat. Another time during recess, I was pressured into hanging out with someone other than the people I usually hang out with. Those “friends” got really mad at me and started ignoring me for being with someone other than them during recess ONCE. So I became friends with that other person I “left” them for. Then a year after that, this new friend left me too.
All of this and some more stuff has led to me feeling completely useless. Whenever I am in a situation where I might make new friends, I get this constant feeling of not being wanted by the others that I’m talking to. Like I’m just bugging the people there by being there. Nobody wants to hear my opinion, what I say doesn’t matter, they’re not interested in starting a friendship, they probably think I’m boring, I’m being annoying… Thoughts like that are constantly running around in my head whenever I might make new friends. Most of the time the effect of these thoughts are me just leaving the situation, like going somewhere else, or trying not to talk unless I have to, because if I do, I’ll be bugging everyone else.
How do I get rid of this feeling?
(sorry for bad english, not my native language)
1 comment
Think about it this way. You want people to text/invite/connect with you, which is fine. But why should people text/invite/connect with you ? The truth is people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring to your interactions. In other words, there has to be a clear, unique, and convincing reason for people to reach out to you. People gather this from the quality of conversations you have with them. You reaching out or knowing them for a long time isn’t simply enough for them to reach out to you. You have to genuinely connect with them in person, be confident in expressing yourself in person, and bring positive vibes. Even better, find ways to add to people’s lives. Maybe you have a skill, hobby, or talent that aligns with people’s interests. Let them know about it. Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those who impact their lives.
In general, people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident and well-rounded in life. You need to focus on becoming genuinely busy in life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while learning how to interact with other people on the side. Find something you enjoy doing or are passionate for and keep doing it overtime. Find groups in your area who are also pursuing the same thing. Chase excellence, not people.